TCS RECONSTRUCTING
by iStorm
Summary: One year after the end of their fateful journey, Ellie finally confronts Joel on his lie and his reasoning behind it, and as a result, they grow further apart. However, when a tragic incident leaves Joel bitten by Infected, the two come to terms with how they feel about each other. But, by some miracle, what if Joel shared Ellie's terrible gift? [Cover art by iaterocks]
1. Prologue

**A/N: So this is the first fanfiction I've ever written, so be forgiving if I make some mistakes (characterization, too short, etc.). I've had this concept going in my head for a while and figured that I should put it on paper, and what's a better place to do that than here? This is just a prologue, so the following chapters will take place after the ending of the game. I'll take any kind of criticism, because it is all constructive. Hope you guys enjoy!**

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**BASED ON THE NAUGHTY DOG VIDEO GAME**

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**Chapter 1: Prologue**

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_"You can try beggin'."_

The relentless fire that gnawed at the walls and ceiling of the restaurant was the least of her concerns as the monster of a man bared down on her with all his might. He had her by the hair, grasping her ponytail and forcing her face first into the carpet, as his weight kept her pinned to the floor.

Somehow, she managed to spit back, _"Fuck you!"_

A chuckle came from above, as she felt her small frame spun around to land on her back. He sat on top of her, like as if she belonged to him, and he was setting her straight. A meaty, calloused hand clamped down hard over her throat as her breathe began to draw short and desperate, fighting to come out. Tears welled up in her eyes from the pain as the vision of his face blurred from her view. His crooked grin sent chills down her spin.

The machete that she had been fighting so hard to get to was just a little out of her reach, lying unnoticed to her attacker above under the booth of the table that had once housed families, just wanting a meal. She fought harder than she could have ever remembered fighting before, battling against his iron like grasp for the weapon that would bring an end to her torment. From her view, that machete looked ever so friendly.

_"You think you know me, huh..."_

His grip on her throat grew stronger, more violent, as she began to lose the ability to breathe. Holding her breath, knowing that when it ran out, and she tried to inhale, she would suffocate, thanks to the maniac that held her.

Her arm explored the floor, desperately trying to find the machete that was just right there, right in her reach, as she so wanted the pain to end.

_ "Well let me tell ya somethin'..."_

The cold metal feeling on her fingertips brought a new strength, a new rage that filled her weakening body with a fresh jolt of energy that wasn't there before, had never been there before. She grabbed hold of it, letting it slide down into her full grasp, the new feeling of power overwhelming.

_"You have no idea what I'm capable of..."_

_And neither do you..._

She swung, with all her might, with all the built up strength that had just arrived to push her forward, and she felt the wet resistance on the momentum as the blade hit its target. The new, deep gash in his arm squirt blood like a hose down onto her face, as his grip left her throat and focused more on the new wound at his side. Holding it, caressing it, wanting to make it better again, he suddenly came to a realization that he was done for. Falling to his side, Ellie jumped from the floor and landed hard on top of him. Even with the begging hand that he held to her, pleading for his pathetic life, she took another hefty swing, which cleaved the monster's face in two.

Unsatisfied, she took another swing, and another, and another. The blood that squirted up into her face burned her eyes, so she shut them tight and kept swinging relentlessly at her target until what had once been a human head was now an unrecognizable hunk of red meat. She knew what he intended to do to her, what his goal was. And it terrified her, almost beyond repair, as she kept swinging, hoping that each would also erase that bit of his face from her memory.

The machete then went straight through the weak flesh, striking the floorboards and lodging its way in between, startling her as she realized it was stuck. Reaching for it frantically, grabbing hold of the hilt and yanking upward, she realized it wasn't coming out. It increased her state of panic, suddenly defenseless. Then, as if on cue, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her, pulling her from the horror against her will as she fought against the new attacker.

"Let go of me!"

Ellie felt herself swung to the side, falling to her knees as the new attacker intended. She struggled at his mighty grip, but was failing as her tiring body betrayed her. Then, she heard his voice.

_"Ellie! Ellie!"_

How did the bastard know her name.

_"Don't fucking touch me!"_

She realized that his touch was consoling, comforting, as if it was to calm her down, to make everything better.

_ "It's me, Ellie."_

No, no it couldn't be him. There was know way. The last time Ellie saw him, he was back at camp, lying on the mattress with a heavy fever setting in, a huge hole in his chest bleeding profusely. It couldn't be possible that he was standing above her, right in front of her, after a period of less than twenty-four hours.

She looked up, trying desperately to look through the thick tears that streamed as rivers down her cheeks, and she was staring directly into Joel's brown eyes.

_"It's me."_

Her incessant pants exhausted her even more, as she looked up at her rescuer and just about collapsed into his chest. Sobs began to rack her body as she knew what she had just been the brink on.

_"H-He tried to..."_

Pulling her in closer, into a full embrace, his soothing voice brought the rest of the world to a stop. There was no longer the burning fire that surrounded them, no longer the body of the monster that had just violated her, no longer the hunters that were stalking them to no end, it was just them.

"Oh, _baby girl... I'm so sorry."_

The next few words that had left his lips knocked any fears or any dirty feeling out of the equation. Calling her _baby girl _did something inside of her, sparked something that had not been there before, even on top of the caring and consolation. It was love. An undying love that was born between the two right then and there in that burning restaurant, and it meant so much to her. Ellie knew what those two words meant: they were what he had called his daughter Sarah so long ago. It almost made her feel guilty, as if she was replacing her. As if she had stolen her love. That couldn't be it, though. The thoughts there themselves brought even more tears to her eyes, as Ellie's sobs grew more frantic.

Unknown to her, Joel was crying too. Crying with her, as his own tears streamed down to mix with hers on the rusty carpet. He held her tight to his chest, trying desperately to fight off the emotion, to be strong for her. But, it was a failing task. This little girl had brought so much light into his dark world, and healed an old wound that he thought would have never gone away. She had been so strong over the past year, so giddy. So happy, so energetic. She was almost oblivious to the horrors that surrounded them, it seemed. However, to see her like this, it tore him to the core, and so he let it out with her, not allowing any space between them.

It felt like hours, just the two of them holding onto each other, not willing to part, until Joel's emotions slowed down, the ringing in his ears stopped, and his dreadful thoughts floated away. He lifted an arm, wiping away the tears, sniffing to keep it hidden from her, and pulled her back, interrupting her own sobbing. Placing both of his hands on her cheeks, he looked right into her emerald eyes and began talking to her, soothing her as he knew how, trying to be strong for her in the wake of such devastation.

The words were muffled, unheard through the ringing and the burning, but Ellie heard them clear as day, and it shoved the tears away for the moment. They were words only Joel and Ellie heard.

Bringing her to her feet, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and took one of her hands in his other, and felt it squeeze his palm tightly. With that, he led Ellie out of the still burning restaurant and out into the blizzard before them, leaving behind the blood-stained machete that bored right into the floor that had once been David's face.

* * *

The only place Joel could landmark was the cabin he had woke up in hours before, so he decided that it was definitely their best, and only, option. Now carrying Ellie in his arms, her tiring figure requiring such attention, he pushed his way through the thickening snow as the flakes that fell from the sky above blocked his view. His knees began to hurt, fighting against nature as it tried hard to push him to the ground.

Ellie had her arms wrapped around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder as she shook violently in his arms. Joel felt relief as he found the resort cabin hidden in so much white. He felt so lucky over the fact that the two of them had not encountered one hunter after the restaurant, so the only trouble had been getting there.

Forcing the front door open, he closed it behind them and locking both locks on the knob tightly, forcing it as far as it would go until his rough, tan fingers grew white. Joel landed hard with his back on the wall and slide down until he sat with Ellie sprawled out in his lap. She was still crying.

"Baby girl, it's okay now. We're safe. We're safe."

He rubbed his fingers through her auburn hair, which was still drenched with snow and sweat, and blood. They both were. Her sobbing wasn't loud like it had been before, not what Joel could categorize as hysteric. It was just a low, steady sound that echoed through the hallway. Her tears stained a large, wet spot on his gray t-shirt and jacket as he began to cradle her gently and softly. Burying his face into her hair, he felt relief as her crying came to a well-deserved end, and they both clung to each other as much as they could, as Joel rocked slowly and surely to the left, and then to the right. Ellie couldn't stand any distance between them, so she pulled her own face into his chest, smelling the damn cologne that he still bothered to put on even in times like this. It almost made her laugh.

They just sat their, rocking, desperately trying to keep the demons at bay. Their own thoughts weren't that far apart, because they all revolved around the opposite person that sat in the hallway with them. Their steady breathing synced as they quietly came to an understanding that love was with out a doubt now realistic. Neither, however, being the hard heads they were, would come to admit it for a long time. They just sat there, among the dreadful thoughts of what could have happened if this went that way, or if that went this way, as the tears began to return.

Ellie finally spoke up.

"J-Joel."

Her voice was muffled in his shirt, but he could still hear it as clear as day. Bringing his head up, he looked down at the emerald eyes of the fourteen year old that he held in his arms, which were red and near raw from what he could tell had been caused by pain that had started long before he had gotten there. He brushed her hair from her forehead as she allowed him to do it. His touch did the opposite of what she'd expect after what David had done to her, it gave her a feeling of comfort, of peace. With that, she wrapped her arms further around his abdomen.

"Ellie..."

Neither of them could form words, but just looked at each other with a longing wish for an end to such torment. Fuck the Fireflies, and fuck the world around them. What truly mattered right then and there was them, and them alone.

"They... they were going to..."

"Just, don't Ellie... don't even think about what could have happened. The two of us made it here, safe and sound. That's all that matters now."

"Joel, I... I can't just stop thinking about it."

He looked down at her again, pulling himself from the cold stare he was giving the wall, and opened his ears fully to listen.

"What happened, while I was out."

She told him the story, of how when he passed out at the University, she had carried him the rest of the way, through the mall with the helicopter where she had seen the group of soldiers, or the aftermath anyway, where she got the medication. Ellis, and Regan, a story brought to a tragic end.

Then, she continued with how she'd found the cabin resort that they were sitting in right now, and how she'd gone out hunting one morning, finding and killing a deer, and how doing so brought her face to face with David.

She had to stop there, where she began to shake incessantly and violently, but Joel's touch on her sides brought her back from the brink of a mental breakdown, and she sighed heavily. Her voice shook as she continued.

"He had said... that everything happens for a reason..."

Of course. Of course that's how he thought.

"and that... that his men... from the university..."

Joel nodded, getting the picture now.

"T-that they'd been slaughtered, by a crazy man."

She then pointed up to him.

"You."

A small chuckle escaped him as the minuscule smile that formed on his lips surprised him. A crazy man, huh?

"He then said that... it wasn't my fault, and I could accompany him. T-that he'd... protect me."

"Ellie, you don't have to say anymore. I get the picture."

He could see the torture in her eyes as he reassured her, rubbing her silky hair through his fingers as she looked up at him almost with relief.

He easily put the rest of the pieces together. There was no more need for an explanation, especially from Ellie.

"I was so afraid Joel."

He was surprised then that he was successful in pulling Ellie closer to him.

"I was so scared... that I'd come back, and that you'd be gone."

Her voice began to crack again, and Joel came to a full realization how much he meant to her, and how much she meant to him.

"Ellie, everything's going to be okay. We're going to find the Fireflies, and be done with the whole damn thing. Then, we'll go wherever you want to, okay?"

She nodded, and inhaled with a shaky breath before lying back down onto him.

"I'm not going anywhere. Whether you like it or not, Ellie, you're stuck with me."

Despite the confident tone in his voice, he felt doubt. Doubt that came from the fact that he'd almost died already in front of Ellie, and that scared him even more. He felt the urge to cry again, for her, for the pain that she felt. Knowing he had to be strong, he was successful in fighting back the tears this time, but just barely. Seeing Ellie near broken in his arms broke his heart, and he didn't know what to do about it, so he changed the topic to something else, something to keep them thinking of anything else.

"I'm sorry, Ellie."

She looked up at him, near startled.

"For what?"

He cleared his clenching throat, realizing that he was not as good at holding back the emotions as he thought, so he just started talking.

"Back at the cabin... back at Tommy's, I said things..."

"Joel."

She pulled herself up, to where she could evenly see his face and pull him into a perfect embrace. He hugged her back, tightly and warmly, feeling her breath on his neck as he closed his eyes, the tears betraying him and peaking out of his closed eyelids.

"I'm sorry too, Joel."

Her own voice was cracking again, and he knew that it was because his own was as well. He had to keep himself strong for her, no matter how much it hurt. No matter how much he wanted to give in at times.

"I need you to promise me..."

Joel pulled Ellie back, staring directly into her own tear stained eyes with his, and placed a hand on her cheek.

"You promise me that you'll never leave me. No matter what, we stick together on this, you hear?"

He nodded, not wanting the emotions to betray him again.

"I promise you Ellie."

He put a finger on her chin, lifting her face up as it began to drag back down. He then remembered something that she'd said to him back at Tommy's.

_Everyone that I have cared for has either died, or left me..._

"As long as I'm still kicking, as long as I'm still breathing, you'll never be alone, Ellie. You have my word."

Ellie glanced back at Joel, a new light in her eyes that had been absent for so long, and a small, hopeful grin tugged at her lips, even with fresh tears streaming back down her red cheeks.

"Okay."


	2. You and I

**A/N: I can honestly say that I'm at a loss because of the kind words you guys have given over the past couple of days, it really brings out a good mood in me. So, I'm back with the official first chapter of the story, which is about as long as the prologue. However, the ones coming up will begin to get longer, especially during the rising action and climax. Nothing else more to say, except enjoy, guys!**

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**Chapter 2: You and I**

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It seemed as if the whole entire world had come to a sudden stop, as her own began to come crashing down on top of her. It was due to one factor and one factor alone.

Joel was bitten.

As the blood from the fresh wound that cut deep into his wrist ran as rivers of red down his tan, yet paling skin, the white of his eyes were already beginning to turn their own maroon shade, which frightened her more as she starred in depth at the dying man's face. Wheezes were already finding their way in between each short, sharp breath that escaped Joel's mouth, and it seemed like darkness was beginning to surround her. It was as if it was swallowing her whole, taking her in its strong grasp and refusing to let go, as it choked her and tortured her. Unable to breathe, Ellie's bottom lip quivered with each drip of the crimson that landed on the dirt underfoot, which in turn ran down through the dried cracks and eventually came to a stop at the tip of her shoe, running in opposite paths down the sides which stained the already torn cloth that covered her feet.

The monstrosity responsible, a clicker that laid in a heap at their feet with a bullet hole replacing its face, had stopped twitching only seconds ago, the smoke from the gun still in the air as crisp as the morning breeze, but for Ellie, it felt like she'd been standing there for hours, just staring straight at the bite mark that Joel now desperately clasped. She could already see sprouts of fungi forcing its way from under the skin, pushing the cut open even wider, which in turn forced even more blood out of his wrist.

Ellie had no clue of what she was supposed to do, of what she was supposed to say. The one thing that bothered her most was the fact that this whole thing was her own damn fault. If she hadn't of run off like that...

The damn argument was only a blur in her head, and for some reason she couldn't seem to summon it back to memory. Her only hope was that it was about something meaningful, something important. Not over a guy, or a group of friends, or some other stupid topic that teenage girls found so important. If only she could remember what it was.

Joel's senses returned to him, as he pulled his gaze from the bite and finally began to refocus his attention on what definitely mattered most at the moment, Ellie. Still holding the open wound, trying desperately to hold back the blood that streamed out, he began to approach her with a comforting, yet cautious demeanor about him. Ellie responded by backing away.

"Ellie..."

The tears were already pricking at her eyes, as she began to rub away at her nose with sniffles following each movement. However, she was still backing away, and she hated herself for it.

"Oh my God... Joel..."

She still couldn't believe what she was looking at, the fact that Joel was now a goner began to break her mentally at a slow, yet steady pace. The fact that the man that she had begun to grow to love as the father she never had, the man that trekked over the US with her over the never ending period of a year, the man that kept a tough facade through thick and thin, even when Tess, Henry, and Sam had died, the man that came for her when David was about to have his way with her, braving the winter storm even with a fatal wound...

That man stood before her now, helplessly dying, and she couldn't comprehend it yet, couldn't do a fucking thing about it. She probably would never be able to comprehend it.

"Ellie, now you listen to me..."

"Joel, just shut up..."

"Ellie, you know what's gotta happen now. You know what it means."

"Joel," she repeated with a cold, warning tone, "shut up..."

"You have to go, Ellie. You are putting yourself at risk right now. You need to get back to Jackson."

"Joel, stop it."

Her tone was surprisingly calm, but in that threatening kind of way. Joel was still holding his bite with an iron grasp, but it almost seemed like it was squeezing more blood from the wound as a result.

"There's no argument to be had here, kiddo. You need to leave now, before..."

_"Joel, I said shut the fuck up!"_

He did, dumbfounded by the sudden outburst, as his mouth hung ajar for a matter of seconds, before clamping shut. He just looked at her, as she placed her crimson hands to her forehead, pacing back and forth in the small field that they stood in, trying really hard to come up with what to do, for a solution that pretty much didn't exist for them. Thunder was beginning to rumble overhead, giving the signs of the coming storm.

"Ellie, please, don't make this harder on yourself."

"Joel, I said quiet. Just let me think."

"Ellie, there is nothing we can do-"

"Yes there is! There_ has _to be something we can do."

"Like what, huh," he questioned, his voice getting higher, "what do you got in mind, Ellie? Believe me, I'm all ears!"

"I don't know!"

"What?!"

_"I don't fucking know, okay!"_

Before she could think up something, a terrible idea crossed her mind of what Henry had done so long ago, and as if Joel had noticed this, she caught what Joel was moving to do. Running up to him quickly, she grabbed the pistol that he was raising to his head by the barrel. She then pointed it towards the ground so that in the scuffle they were undoubtedly about to have, no one would accidentally get shot.

Joel began to yank it away, but Ellie grabbed hold of his unhurt wrist, as she proceeded to thrust her hands hard onto his chest, pushing him to the ground. As a result, the gun came to a thud on the ground next to them, luckily not firing a shot on impact.

"Don't you dare try that again."  
"Ellie..."

"_Don't!"_

Joel looked up at her, as she panted and sniffed all at the same time, a surprised look of sickness and fear mixed all together in the blood shot, brown eyes that captivated Ellie when she looked into them. The complexity of them pulled her mind from the turmoil that was taking place right in front of her, and she found herself unable to move. It was as if she'd been frozen in place.

"Please, Ellie... don't make this harder on me, either."

"Joel, just don't, okay? Don't you start talking like that."

"There's no other option here, Ellie. What, you think that I'm going to walk back with you to Tommy's and that somehow, I'm miraculously going to survive _this?"_

He held his bad wrist up, pointing at the now swollen mark that was still bleeding like a hose. She just continued to look into his eyes, as she still found herself unable to move. Unable to do anything.

"Joel, common. We have to figure out something."

Her voice was beginning to crack, with defeat, with fear, with a sudden loneliness, with every bad emotion that could be defined in a dictionary, as the tears began to reveal themselves. It broke Joel's heart.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Not fucking shoot yourself."

"Well, we're out of options otherwise, Ellie."

"Common, Joel, give me a minute, at _least _a minute to come up with something!"

"No... Ellie, just think for a goddamn second..."

"_No!"_

"Dammit, Ellie! You listen to me..."

"_No, Joel!"_

_ "I will not turn into one of those things, Ellie! You hear me?!"_

She was crying now, and she felt weak, so very weak. It was as if her own tough facade was diminishing ever since that restaurant ages ago. Ellie wanted to smack herself, to sharpen up, to be strong again. She couldn't do it. However, what he said reminded her of something, one final push that she could try.

"_What about Tess, Joel?"_

His glance fell from Ellie, her jab hitting its mark. He thought back to that fateful moment back at the Capitol building.

"Sam, Joel, remember Sam?"

A sad look shaped his features as the terrible memory flooded back into his head. That moment when he'd almost had to shoot a thirteen year old kid.

_"Riley... Joel. What about Riley?"_

It finally began to dawn on him why she was the way she was. Anybody else would've excepted the inevitable and left, no matter how much it hurt, guaranteed. She, however, was still there, desperately trying to save him.

"I can't let you end up like them, Joel. _I've lost everyone the same damn way! I can't let it happen to you!"_

Joel leaned up from the ground and pulled Ellie down into an embrace, as she began to pound into his chest.

"No, stop it, Joel. Stop..."

He ignored her, hugging Ellie as tightly as his already weakening arms would allow. Joel let her cry into his shoulder, his blood and her tears mixed into the mud below, as the rain began to fall relentlessly. His vision began to cloud on the edges, as an ache that you'd find with a really bad fever began to set in. It was beginning to take him, the Cordyceps, as he knew it was only a matter of time. He had to get her as far away from him as possible, because he knew when the time came, and he turned...

He reached back for the pistol that Ellie had thrown off to the side, finding that it was probably in an arm's reach, but to no avail. Ellie had it, tightly gripped in her hand as the coldness of the metal in her palm almost made her feel better, gave her a sense of direction, gave her control of her future. In the embrace, she placed her cheek to his as his touch sent chills down her spine, as she closed her eyes. The pistol in her hands was the end to both their miseries, both of their pain.

Placing the barrel of the gun to her temple, she began to embrace the fact that this was the end, their end, that they'd experience together.

"Ellie... no..."

"Joel, just don't, okay..."

"Don't do this, Ellie. Don't do this because of me."

"You're all I got left, Joel."

A brief silence set in, enveloping the two in the forest as the rain turned to sleet, soaking their clothing through. They sat there for a while, unable to move, unable to act, and unable to speak. Then, after a good while, Joel cringed as he heard Ellie click off the safety. There was no fighting her this time. Why should he?

"We had quite the adventure, huh Joel?"

She was still sniffling.

He wasn't resisting, much to her awe, wasn't telling her how stupid it was for her to be doing this, wasn't arguing that she should be headed back to Jackson. Back to Tommy and Maria, and to sanctuary and peace. At least not anymore. Instead, she felt him nod.

"Yeah, baby girl. It was quite the ride."

His own voice was beginning to shake now, as well, which saddened Ellie. His acceptance, as well, left a hard, burning coal of regret in her stomach as she was almost disappointed that he'd given in. But her tears were gone, gone for good, since she had her answer.

"What do you think Tommy will do? Once he finds out we're not coming back."

"I don't know," he said simply.

They both sat there, realizing how selfish this made them, what this made them look like. But neither moved an inch, unwilling to return back to Jackson, so they just sat there.

"Do you think there's a heaven, Joel?"

He froze, unsure how to answer such a question, not really sure himself what he thought anyway. Instead, he just answered with what felt most natural to him.

"I guess we're gonna find out together, huh baby girl."

She grinned, and nodded.

"Together."

The gun fired.

* * *

Ellie jolted from her mattress late in the night spontaneously, with Joel's name on her lips accompanying the scream that shook the house. The sudden shock had him awake as well, and he jumped from his own poorly made bed that was at her side, concerned and worried for the life of them. Pulling himself to reality, getting the gist that the real world was in fact a _real place_, he blinked away the sleep quickly and rushed to her aid. She was panting and shaking profusely, unable to grasp that the nightmare that had just occurred had only been a nightmare, nothing more. A hand on her shoulder was all it took to pull her from the frightened gaze she was giving the door across from them.

"_Ellie, Ellie!"_

Still in a daze, despite her awareness of her surroundings, she finally began to come to, a frightened glare mixed into the emerald color that was her large, puppy dog eyes. Joel took hold of her shoulders more firmly, shaking the terrible thoughts that were now invading her head as she shook them herself away in unison as quickly as they came. Looking up at Joel, she took note of his own nervous glance, and took a second to catch her breath.

"Oh shit. I didn't scream that loudly, did I?"

Joel chuckled, and the quick change of mood was quick to rub off.

"Only a little bit, kiddo. Only a little."

Ellie cracked a grin, and sighed deeply, before falling back on her rear when she realized she was on her knees. Sweat trickled down her forehead as she rubbed the bottom of her nose, a bad habit that she'd picked up long ago.

"Nightmare," Joel asked, sitting back down on his own mattress, facing her.

She nodded simply, and proceeded to lie back until her head hit the pillow. Pulling the sheets back over her once again tiring body, she sighed a second time. Ellie slowly came to the realization that she was back at Jackson, back with Joel, in their home that Tommy had given them.

"Was it the same one?"

Joel could remember the time back in the restaurant, and how it had almost put a toll on him emotionally as much as it did Ellie. He almost didn't want to remember it, but he knew he'd have to in times like these when she needed it.

To his surprise, she shook her head.

"No..." she paused. "No, this was something else."

This one told her something; the dream had flowed so realistically, had _felt _so real. She could still feel the cold touch of the pistol's barrel on her temple. Would she do such a thing if that time ever came?

Joel pursed his lips, as Ellie continued her nervous twitch, staring at the ceiling as the fan attached spun at maximum speed. It gave the relaxing sound she'd grown to love so much, along with the cooling breeze that fell on top of her as light as a feather. She loved it, _so much_, even though it was in the middle of winter. Joel still didn't understand, but did not argue the point.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Ellie, shocked inside that it was possible, felt another grin tug her lips. Joel seemed to be much more closer to her now than nearly two years ago when she'd been dropped off on him as cargo. It was much more than that now, and they both knew that. He was always there for her, through thick and thin, which made the terrible dream so much worse to her. Despite that it resulted in the death of them both, she couldn't stop thinking about Joel's, much more than her own. The whole urban legend that dreams can actually predict the future was bullshit to Ellie, but the concept was enough to make her tremble.

She remembered Joel's question, and shook her head. Now was not the time, especially in the middle of the night.

"You sure, Ellie. You know that can always talk to me."

"I know, Joel, and I thank you for that. It's just..."

She didn't want to talk about a suicide pact at the moment, either. It foreshadowed a dangerous co-dependence, which surprised her, considering the circumstances.

It'd been about a year since the fateful journey across the United States to find the Fireflies, and it'd left scars on the both of them, literally and figuratively. She'd see Joel occasionally scratch his abdomen, where the rebar had pierced through his stomach from the back to the front. It made her cringe just thinking of what pain that had to of been.

What stood out in her mind though was what had come near the end. His story of what happened afterward just didn't sit well in her gut, and it frightened her that she almost felt as if she couldn't trust what he'd told her, or even him for that matter. It was still fresh in her mind as if it had been yesterday, the feeling of the hospital gown instead of the usual t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.

_"It turns out that... that there's a whole lot more like you Ellie..."_

There was a hesitation that had been in his voice the whole time, which almost gave way to a lie in itself.

_"Dozens... actually."_

That couldn't be true. It seemed highly unlikely that there was anybody else on this Earth that shared her terrible gift. It just seemed such like a distant dream. Nothing more.

_ "They stopped looking for a cure..." _

"Ellie?"

Joel pulled her from her thoughts as she realized how she drifted away again. Looking up into his eyes, she found relief flood through her as they were simply brown, not filling with the rage of the Infected. They were the way they should be.

So it was proven. Joel was still here. She was still here. Nobody was bitten, nobody was dying. It frightened her more so that she almost believed that it had been real all along. Terrified her, actually. The relief was overwhelming, and wore her down to the bone. There was no way she was going to get into it tonight, no way, no how.

"It's nothing."

A look of disappointment filled his face, feeling helpless to help her in her time of need. He wanted to, but he was once again denied access to the deep recesses of her mind, which made it much more difficult for him to be there for her when the nightmares did return. And they would return, he knew that for a fact. The depressing fact of the matter was that Ellie was emotionally scarred for what could be the rest of her life, and he truly wished that he could be there, a shoulder to cry on.

He watched as Ellie had switched her glance elsewhere, to the window that revealed the dark of the sky late this hour.

"Okay, well, I guess I'll..."

He heard Ellie shift, the blankets moving and then falling as Ellie got on her hands and knees and crawled over to where Joel's mattress sat, before she proceeded to pull Joel's own covers over herself. Joel, already lying down, felt Ellie nuzzling into his arm, hugging him tightly as if he were a huge teddy bear. A big grin creased his cheeks as he sighed and pulled her in with his own arm, lying back down on the mattress back first. Feeling her steady breath on his shoulder did more peace to him than anything else could ever have. It calmed him and reassured him, that he was not, in fact, alone.

Looking over at her, Ellie's face still and small, a light breathing only audible to the two of them filling his ears, he brushed a lock of her red hair from her face and pushed it behind her ear. He remembered doing that to Sarah every night before she'd go to bed.

Both Ellie and Joel fell back a sleep with a smile on their faces, and the nightmares didn't return that night.

"Good night, baby girl."

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**A/N: I had to take a couple of breaks while writing this, especially during the end of Ellie's nightmare. It got a little dark for me. Anyway, thanks again you guys for clicking here, and I'll see you next time.**


	3. The Lies We Tell

**A/N: So I've been pretty busy the past week or so, and if you add that with writer's block, it truly can get tough at times. I have most of this planned out to the epilogue itself, so it's not like I'm just winging it, but I want to do this right, considering how dark of a fanfiction this is and is going to be. Hopefully I did this chapter right, and I'm open to any kind of criticism you guys have. It's all constructive and will help me improve later on. Thank you guys for all the great things you've said about the previous chapters, it's has really brightened quite a few of my days up.**

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**Chapter 3: The Lies We Tell**

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As the morning turned into the afternoon, and the sun found its perch in the center of the sky, a light winter breeze enveloped Joel, who sat in the tower overlooking not only Jackson, but the dark world that surrounded it. The day seemed to drag by as slowly as it could possibly manage, despite the Johnny Cash CD that played on the radio and the mug of coffee clasped firmly in his left hand. He savored every sip, still dumbstruck that he had the luxury of coffee. It seemed like ages since his last cup. His rifle laid to his right, leaning against the arm rest of the chair he found comfort in, and Joel felt like he was ready for anything willing to charge the wall he protected. However, most shifts were uneventful, no infected, bandit, or hunter in site, and today was no exception. He didn't actually mind it, the slow pace of the day, or the lack of action. It gave him time to get lost in his thoughts, which was what he needed for the time being. Obviously, these thoughts had a specific topic. Ellie, back at home.

He and Ellie had been in Jackson for about a year now, making that close to two years that they've known each other. It felt much longer than that to Joel, and it meant much more to him as well. It seemed almost like an entire lifetime, as if he'd raised her as his own since the day she was born, and the bond felt strong enough for that to be true. It was to the point now, that whenever Joel looked at her, it was like he was looking at Sarah, his long lost daughter.

Ellie had never gone back to school when they'd arrived. Joel had never offered, or suggested, or even persuaded. Considering how much time she'd spent in those Military Prep schools for her first thirteen years, he figured that she was just about done with that period of her life, considering also how she was wise beyond her years, especially with all the things she'd seen and done over the long trek across the US. School really wouldn't be much use to her anymore. Come to find out, she'd planned this whole long, intelligent argument to keep herself out of class. Good news for her, he'd never even planned on bringing it up.

Joel really let Ellie be Ellie, despite his over protection of her, which definitely got on her nerves every once and awhile. Especially with the whole idea of her coming up and sharing shifts with either him or Tommy as over-watch. That was absolutely out of the question. No doubt about it. No questions asked. It had even sparked a few debates in between them, the most recent one being a couple of nights back. They never got that ugly, since neither of them liked the concept of wasting energy over a screaming match. However, it seemed to be festering in Ellie, making the impression that she will go off at some point. Joel wasn't really looking forward to that.

It seemed almost at times as if she were growing distant, like something was gnawing at her on the inside. Joel had a pretty good idea of what it was, but didn't want to think about it. He'd lied to her to protect her, to keep the horrors of what went down with the Fireflies a secret, so that it wouldn't add to the burden she already carried on her shoulders. The immunity, the loss of her friends, she didn't need anything more to keep her up at nights. No, he'd let it rest upon his own, and it did succeed in keeping him up too, indeed.

Right now, Ellie was probably where she was everyday: at the stables with Maria, tending to the horses and keeping them healthy. That's where he'd expect her to go when he had brought her here. Ever since Callus, she'd been particularly fond of horses, and of riding them. It was cute, and most definitely reminded Joel of Sarah. The two would've definitely gotten along well, possibly with a bond worthy of the title "best friends", even. Joel smiled at the thought of the two together. What a sight and experience that would've been, not only for him, or even Tommy, but for Ellie and even Sarah as well. Despite the smile, sadness began to fill him to the bones at the thought of the beautiful blonde haired, grey eyed little girl that he had tucked into bed every night.

Sipping at his coffee, he let the depressing thoughts of what might have been drift away as he reminisced back to the coffee shops, and the cute waitresses that would bring him and his wife the steaming cups of Joe almost every morning. Of course, it created a more dreary mood for him still, as if he was held prisoner by his tormenting memories to the point of no escape, slowly executing him by choking him out over a period of twenty years. It was to a point to where the color had drained from his eyes, and the once brown, now colorless iris's began to grow more sad despite himself, even with the new, happy life that he was lucky enough to be able to live.

"How ya doin' over there, Joel?"

Tommy's voice interrupted his thoughts as Joel looked over to acknowledge his little brother sitting beside him, sipping away at his own espresso with a content look on his face. Joel felt a little disappointed as the comfortable silence was disrupted, but decided that it was about high time a good conversation was held.

"I haven't seen anything since last week, if that's what you're asking. I think we've finally given the impression to those bandits that we ain't goin' anywhere."

Tommy's content was replaced by concern as he gave a glance to Joel, one eyebrow raising high.

"I meant you, Joel. How are _you _doing over there?"

Joel stopped for a brief moment, pursing his lips and considering what a good answer besides _fine _would be. He still hadn't told Tommy what had happened over in Salt Lake City, and he was hoping that he wouldn't have to.

"I'm doin' pretty good, personally. I can't even remember how long it's been since I've had a good cup of Joe."

Tommy grinned.

"Well, you can thank Grant on that one. He found it on the last supply run, a good thirty two cans worth."

Joel let out a low whistle.

"Damn, that's sounds like music to my ears, baby brother. Now we just need to find some cream."

Joel had never been fond of straight black coffee. He liked the flavor, but with a little cream mixed into the lot of it. Gave it a little more strength in his own personal opinion.

It was good to stray from the stale Keurig cups he cringed through back at home. Granted, he loved it, but a natural _grained_ coffee was unbeatable.

"I'll have to keep my eye out then," Tommy said over top a laugh.

They sat there for a little longer in another stretch of silence as the breeze gave an unique sound, filling there ears, along with Johnny Cash's _God's Gonna Cut You Down_.

_Well you can run on for a long time..._

_ Run on for a long time..._

_ Run on for a long time..._

_ Sooner or later God'll cut you down..._

"So how's life here in Jackson been treating you and Ellie lately, Joel?"

He once again pulled Joel out of his tormenting thoughts that racked his mind, and he actually felt relief this time because of it. He'd been remembering that fateful morning twenty odd years ago.

Inhaling, Joel proceeded to look up at Tommy.

"It's been pretty good here, Tommy. No longer have to look over our shoulders."

"Yeah, that might be a pretty significant change. You and that little girl of yours had been traveling for a good portion of a year, all across the US. I can imagine this is a little slice of heaven for ya."

"Oh, believe me. It is."

Tommy chuckled again, and as another moment of silence began to cover the two brothers, the CD in the player began to skip.

"Shit."

Joel stood from his seat and reached over to the table where the player sat, and began to mess with the disk tray. In the process, he managed to make matters worse, which ended up with a constant buzzing noise that came from the speakers on each side on constant repeat, which began to bug the living hell out of him. Slapping the side of the player a good four times, the music refused to return to entertain him for the remaining hours that were sure to drag on as well as the rest had. Sighing in defeat, Joel took the plug from the outlet on the side of the tower's inner wall, and the life flowed out of the machine in a matter of seconds, the digitizing numbers that filled the mini screen disappearing without a trace from the dusty, yellow glass.

Joel fell back into his chair, blowing his breath out in annoyance, as Tommy overlooked him with an amused smile. Leaning back in the chair with his eyes closed, Joel folded his hands on top of his stomach and relaxed his body yet again. It took him a couple of seconds to notice Tommy's gaze on him, which made Joel glance over at him with both his eyebrows raised.

"What?"

Tommy laughed.

"Dear God, Joel. You still don't have a way with technology."

His laughing proceeded to annoy Joel, as he just grunted and returned to his relaxed position.

The afternoon sun began to become covered by clouds, which gave a gray tint to the surrounding area, and was followed by a inner flooding of depression inside Joel. He never liked cloudy weather, considering it reminded him of the day his wife had left in the back of some other man's pick up truck, and then the following day when a cop came to the door to report that she and the man had both died in the car while driving drunk after a party that night, and he was the only one on the list that they could come to...

"Breeze feels pretty good, today, huh Joel?"

It just seemed as if Tommy was coming up with BS things to say to fill in the quiet gaps of time they were experiencing, which made Joel a little suspicious, and annoyed him all the same. It usually meant that Tommy had something he wanted to say, or ask, but just didn't have enough courage yet to do so.

"What is it, Tommy?"

Tommy glanced down onto Joel.

"What do you mean?"

"I know you too damn well, little brother. You're holding something back from me, and are hesitating right now as I'm calling it out, so just spit it out."

"I'm not holding anything bac-"

"Tommy..."

Joel sat up, pulling the back of the lawn chair with him, as he placed his coffee into the holder after a good sip, before glancing back over at his brother.

"What is it," he repeated.

Tommy exhaled, defeated, and the concerned look he had a couple of minutes before returned to shape his face. Itching his cheek bone, he asked his question.

"It's been just about a year, Joel, like I said, and you still haven't told me what had happened up in Colorado."

Joel's features began to harden, as his figure tensed up as well. He looked out into the forest and mountains that surrounded them, and was suddenly a thousand miles away.

"Joel, this isn't healthy. It seems as if _you _are holding things back from _me."_

"What the hell do you mean, Tommy?"

"I mean, look at you, Joel. Every time I bring this up you seem to go somewhere completely different. It's as if something's eating away at you, and I know _you _too, Joel, ever since I was born. So don't tell me nothings wrong this time, or brush me off."

"What are you going on about?"

"Joel..."

Tommy's voice was beginning to get a little low, yet threatening at the same time.

"You and Ellie both are growing more and more distant as each day passes by. Neither of you can hold a descent conversation anymore, not like when you first got here. You have this distant glare in your eyes, and so does she. Also, every time either I, Maria, or anybody else brings this up, you brush it off as nothing and change the subject out of the blue. Now, I've been lenient and patient over this, but this time, that ain't gonna happen. You need to tell me straight."

"Tommy, there's nothing really to talk about."

"Bullshit. There definitely is."

"How would you know, Tommy? You weren't even there."

"I didn't have to be there to know something went down. Stop keeping shit from me, Joel. I'm your brother, so I should be the first person you come to."

Joel hesitated, unable to find the correct words to combat what he'd told him. Tommy had a good point, too, he should be able to trust him with just about anything. There was no reason he shouldn't be able to talk to him about what had happened.

"At least humor me, Joel. If nothing happened, then nothing happened. At least I'll be able to look at you with a clean conscience, knowing I'm doing all I can to help."

Joel didn't know where to start. The University, the cabin resort in the snow storm, Salt Lake City itself, with Marlene and the Fireflies. He decided to just start from the beginning.

Lifting his shirt, he showed his little brother the ugly scar that marked his gut for the first time, and a wide eyed expression appeared as a result.

"Yeah, it's as bad as it looks."

"Damn, Joel. What the hell happened."

Letting the shirt fall over the mark, he exhaled deeply through his nose and starred out at the world beyond, trying to figure out how to tell the story, not wanting to leave things out, yet not wanting to bring up certain things at the same time. The conflict inside him was adding to the pain of guilt he had to live with every waking hour since the hospital, ever since he'd killed those nurses...

Ever since he killed Marlene.

_Wait... let me go... please!_

"Joel?"

Looking back over at his brother, he forced himself from his thoughts again and just started talking.

"We found the University of Colorado, like you said. You were right, the place did look like a giant mirror."

"And...?"

"Well..."

He wanted to figure out how to put it.

"They weren't there," he put simply.

Tommy cocked an eyebrow.

"What do you mean, they weren't there?"

"They'd left, packed up in a hurry and took off for Salt Lake City. I didn't figure out truly why, but there were a couple of bodies left behind, and shit ton of infected, even a bloater."

"So it had been a pretty long time."

"Yeah, it wasn't as if we'd missed them by a little. They'd left quite some time before hand.

Joel cringed at the memory of desperately trying to break down the double doors as the menacing bloater advanced on him, trying to sink its massive jaws into him. He let it go, however, and pushed it to the side. Time to move on.

"So, while we were there, we ended up running into a group of hunters. God knows what they were doing there."

"Okay. How'd you end up with, you know...?"

Tommy gestured towards the scar.

"One of them got lucky. Pushed me over the side of a catwalk in the center of the building, you know, the one with the big trees in the center."

Tommy nodded.

"Well, turns out, a protruding piece of rebar was in my way, so..."

Tommy cringed, closing his eyes and turning away for a second. He could only imagine the pain that followed.

"I get the picture, Joel."

"Yeah..."

Joel proceeded to rub the tear in his stomach with the tips of his fingers, remembering the pain that followed his fall, and the shock that it actually didn't hurt as much as he thought it was supposed to.

Tommy looked back up at him.

"How on Earth did you manage to get all the way from there to Salt Lake City with a wound like that."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Tommy."

Tommy raised his eyebrows, motioning him to continue on.

"I'm all ears."

Joel nodded in turn, and was surprised to find a grin on his face as he went on.

"Ellie, that stubborn little girl, was and still is as tough as nails. She dragged my pathetic, unconscious body across the state and took care of me as I healed. She stitched me up and all. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation with you right now."

"Damn, Joel."

"I know."

Joel looked back out into the sky, a habit that Tommy noticed he was beginning to form.

"The bad thing about that was how she was on her own for God knows how long. I wasn't there to guide her, to reassure her, to protect her."

"Joel, that's not your fault."

"I know," he responded, "it's just... shit."

Tommy could tell that Joel did not like thinking about that winter, that it still haunted him. It did, and that's where Joel's thoughts were going, to waking to discover Ellie missing. Waking to find hunters prowling the area, to torturing the two men, come to find out she was "David's newest pet". Then his thoughts led to the restaurant, where he found her mercilessly brutalizing the man that had violated her in so many ways, and how they both had broken down right afterward. He remembered how weak he'd been.

"Well," he continued, "after the winter came to a close, we trekked out again to find Salt Lake City. When we got there..."

He paused again, the memories hitting him hard in the face with a force impact similar to a punch, and squinted with each word he could manage.

"Shit happened, and Ellie ended up almost drowning, considering she couldn't swim."

Tommy nodded in acknowledgement, getting the extremity of the circumstance.

"Before I could revive her, the Fireflies showed up. Knocked me out cold before I could finish."

"Jesus, that's Ethan," Tommy stated.

"So you knew him?"

Tommy nodded again.

"Yeah. Believe me, he was a fuckin' hothead."

Joel snorted.

"That's an understatement."

His joke resulted in a chuckle from Tommy.

As his story came to the hospital, where it had happened, where he'd done his worst, his hesitation increased, which definitely caught his brother's attention. Joel debated on telling him the story he'd told Ellie, or just screw it and get the truth out, so he wouldn't have to live with it by himself. It seemed like either direction he took, it would be a selfish one. Yet, his initial choice had been selfish, so that didn't really come off as a surprise to him. His long pause began to concern Tommy as he tried to figure out what he was going to say now.

"Joel, what happened?"

Blowing his breath out, Joel just decided to go with it.

"Little brother, it turns out we were a little too late to the party."

His brother cocked another eyebrow.

"What do you mean, _late_?"

"Well..."

He hesitated again, internally debating on what he should say to Tommy, and how'd he react to either story. This secret was beginning to seem more trouble than it was worth.

"It turned out," he continued, his mind reluctantly made up, "that there's a whole lot more like Ellie. Immune, I mean."

"No shit?"

"Yeah, it was hard for me to believe at first. Never knew that it could be possible for more to have her gift."

"She doesn't treat it a whole lot like it's a gift, Joel."

He nodded, glancing at the metal floor and remembering what she'd told him on the hill right before entering Jackson.

_Her name was Riley, and she was the first to die... I'm still waiting for my turn..._

"Well, she wasn't alone, it turns out."

Tommy accepted what he said, much to his belief, and beckoned him to continue.

"Well, it didn't to a damn bit good, either. Turns out, it was just a colossal failure."

"Really?"

"Yeah, the disappointment on Ellie's face when she found out nearly broke my heart."

"Damn."

Tommy shook his head, looking disappointed himself.

"So, as a result, they just stopped."

"Stopped?"

"Yeah. They're no longer looking for the cure, Tommy. It's over."

Another shake of the head, and Tommy cursed under his breath.

"So, after Marlene told me this..."

"Wait, Marlene told you this?"

Joel nodded.

"Yeah, why does that matter."

He shrugged.

"Not important, go on."

"Okay, so, when Marlene told me this," he repeated, "we drove off in a car they gave us... and that's how we got here."

Tommy's eyes fell to the floor, as he let the information of Joel's story sink in good, allowing himself to process what he'd just heard. Joel couldn't quite make it out, but there seemed to be a small ping of doubt in his eyes, but when Tommy looked back up at him, it almost looked like he'd accepted it. _Almost._

"Alright, Joel. It seems like you and Ellie had quite the adventure, huh?"

Joel's own eyes seemed to go a thousand miles away again. glancing over into the foliage out in front of him.

"Yeah, Tommy, I'd rather not think about it anymore."

Tommy hesitated this time, and followed his gaze as yet another moment of silence surrounded them. Then Tommy spoke up.

"Joel..."

"Yeah, Tommy?"

Tommy glanced over at him, a quizzical look on his face.

"You want to tell me the truth this time?"

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**A/N: Hopefully things aren't moving too slow. The good parts are coming. I wanted to start the official beginning of this story with rising tension between Joel and Tommy, since the inevitable conflict due to Joel's lie at the end of the game would probably do that between the two brothers. Thanks again, you guys, for all your support and kind words. I'll see ya next time.**


	4. Post-Traumatic

**A/N: Wow, has it nearly been a whole month since I've updated! Damn, sorry guys. Writer's Block can be a bitch, let me tell ya. I also realize I didn't really meet the deadline I gave myself in the Author's Note I posted a week ago. I apologize for that as well, everybody. Anyway, here's the next chapter. From here on they should pump out a whole lot quicker, and the nice words you guys give really helps me along. Keeps me motivated. Hope you guys enjoy.**

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**Chapter 4: Post-Traumatic**

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Ellie was not, in fact, at the stables like everyone assumed she was. Instead, the fifteen year old redhead was shuffling gingerly down the dirt path of the woods that surrounded the outside of the wall, stretching on for miles out into the dangerous world that waited patiently for the opportunity to swallow them whole in a sea of green. It intimidated her, frightened her, and the risks that it presented was the only thing keeping her from running out into it, away from the lies and the deceit, the corruption and the false promises fed to her for the sake of others beside herself. It pained Ellie, leaving a hole where her own beating heart used to be; a sad, dark void that continued to expand and envelop her and her every thought taking its place. Haunted by the memories of the past, Ellie was unable to find peace anymore, unable to accept the new situation she had, despite its advantages, even after the prolonged course of a year.

Her worn down shoes that had covered her feet for as long as she could remember were coated with dirt that rose up from every footstep. She wasn't far from the wall, itself, and was just taking a simple walk, according to the guard she had informed before her departure. She wasn't leaving, despite the temptation of doing so. No, she wasn't like that, she didn't abandon others. Not with her own fear of being abandoned, of being alone. The reason beckoning her to leave Jackson behind, however, which added to the pain that lingered, was Joel. Joel and his obvious, made-up story that still plagued her to that moment in time, his words still crisp and clear as day, running through her head as if he'd just spoken them to her seconds ago. Her trust for him was diminishing, even while knowing whatever he did was for their protection, her protection. However, she just couldn't rely on him anymore.

How could you rely on a liar?

She didn't hate him, despite the truth that was written out in front of her. She couldn't hate him, even if she tried with all her might, all her will power. After all he had done for her, after he'd stayed by her side through the thick of it, even when he wanted nothing to do with her. How he'd seen her at her worst, and how he'd grown closer as a result, and swore to her that he'd stay by her side. She couldn't leave him, either. Ellie wasn't the kind to submit to betrayal.

However, anger stewed inside deeply, pent up, like a volcano just waiting to erupt with a century's payload. It was hot, festering, wanting desperately to be released. Ellie was eventually going to have to confront Joel, and she knew that. Otherwise, she would have to live with this each day and night, for the weeks, months, and years to come. This couldn't be a gap between them forever. What ever happened in Salt Lake couldn't have been so bad, so god awful, that it would totally change her view on the aging man that watched over her everyday. However, if it hadn't been as bad, then he wouldn't of felt the need to lie, now would he?

Her thoughts were venom running through her veins, and her guilt was what kept it going with a powerful strength. It replaced the infection that was supposed to be there, and was much more everlasting, much more painful then it could have ever been. It took its time with her, tearing her up on the insides slowly, not allowing her to forget. With each step Ellie took down the path, she stroked the scar on her arm another time, memories of Riley and Sam a poison that surely killed her over time, the worst kind of torture that could be done to a human being. It hurt so much, to the point where Ellie's thoughts betrayed her morality, her own personality. She found herself wishing that neither Sam or Riley had ever existed, so she could be spared her pain.

Ellie felt so fuckin' selfish.

She found, soon enough, that she wasn't alone after all on the dirt path that seemed to stretch on, but she tried to convince herself that she was. Ellie had sensed Maria's presence minutes before she had gotten the courage to approach her, and the knowledge of what she'd say to the suffering teenage girl, with scars no person her age should have. It annoyed her profusely, as she just wanted to be left alone to the overwhelming sadness that sickened her, nauseating her every waking hour.

"Ellie..."

Maria called, and Ellie wished she could just ignore it, and move on. Snow flakes had begun to fall, and the chilling winter breeze was picking up. Her pony tail whipped back into her face as the rest of her hair atop her head landed into her eyes. It stalled her long enough for Maria to catch up to her, as she brushed the locks aside with her fingers.

"Ellie... there you are."

Being at the horse stables was one of the things that Ellie did in fact enjoy now a days, as it kept her distracted. It was something to look forward to. This was why Maria was so surprised to see Ellie elsewhere; she was never late. In fact, she was always the first one there, beating Maria to her post and usually already halfway done with the chores when she arrived. Obviously, Maria wouldn't complain. Today was different, however.

When Maria had gotten up alongside her, she saw how depressed she looked, the sadness in her emerald eyes reflected the tormented soul that was plagued by memories and nightmares all the same. In her hand, a medallion was clasped tightly and the chain ran down her arm, dangling and flailing as the wind picked up. Her cheeks were red, a sign of incessant crying, as Maria was unaware that tomorrow was to be Riley's birthday.

It was supposed to be her seventeenth.

For the past three years, the date had sent her in a downward spiral, to be nearly crushed under the weight of depression that was so intense, it caused migraines. So, Ellie would sit on her mattress with a box of tissues and a bottle of Ibuprofen, that is, if there was any of either left to spare. Everything from tissues to toilet paper was beginning to run scarce now, considering how most places surrounding Jackson's vicinity were pretty much picked clean. Pills were a completely different matter.

The hand on Ellie's shoulder pulled her from her dark hole as she glanced up in noticeable annoyance to Maria, which slightly set her back. However, Maria continued.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, Ellie. Hell, Tommy and Joel had to call it quits early on their shift to do the same. What's gotten into you, Ellie, running off like that?"

Ellie looked up at her with her bloodshot eyes, the sorrow spreading quickly as if it was the most contagious disease. It pained Maria to look at her like this, so she tried to force a smile to comfort her the best she could. The fact that Ellie had briefly gone missing seemed to float away as she did so. The facts in front of Maria did seem to fit together well, however, like pieces to a puzzle.

"Hey... hey, what's wrong, Ellie? What's going on?"

Maria came to one knee, and placed both hands on her shoulders. Ellie sniffed.

"It's... It's nothing."

Maria cocked an eyebrow, seeing through the lie with expertise.

"That's bullshit, Ellie. Something's up, and you and I both know that."

Ellie's eyes fell to the floor, glued in a glance that she couldn't break even if she wanted to.

"You know you can tell me, right?"

She was like Joel in that manner. Always looking out for her.

"It's fine, Maria. I'm okay."

Ellie wiped her eyes with her arm and kept her tough facade up, mimicking Joel with his own attitude towards the world. It was one of the good things he'd taught her along the way.

"Ellie, common..."

"I said, I'm okay!"

Ellie's interjection was a lot crueler than she had intended, but it displayed her emotions well, and it was enough to make Maria back off completely.

"Okay," she said with a sigh, "Whatever you say, Ellie. Just know that, me, Tommy, and Joel, we're all here for you, alright? You're not on your own with whatever you're dealing with. You can rely on us to help you along."

_Rely. _Like that was the truth of things, anymore.

Maria gave another consoling grin, which didn't help matters at all, before she began to guide her back to Jackson. Ellie, however, resisted.

"What is it?"

Ellie wasn't ready to return. She looked like a mess, and she knew it. She definitely couldn't let Joel see her like this. She didn't budge, and just stared at the ground, unwilling to respond.

"Ellie, common. You can tell me. What is it?"

A new face filled her head much different than Riley's. It happened so randomly, like any small thing that could somewhat relate to it would set it off. The face belonged to David, who was one of the only two people that could torment her like this, and he was the face of her every nightmare. David and Riley were two totally different people, who tortured her in completely different ways in their afterlife. However, each was just as extreme.

As the familiar winter weather was setting in that afternoon, it sparked her memory, sending her back to a year ago, when she'd been trapped in that snow storm which nearly claimed both the lives of her and Joel. It sent her back to David, his crooked, evil face representing that of a monster's maw. It sent her back into the belly of the shark.

Despite her freezing body, she felt the warmth of the fire, the smell of the smoke and the failing supports, the sound of the creaking wood as it failed under all the building pressure. Ellie felt David's calloused hand on her throat once more, pushing her down hard into the carpet as he laughed like a maniac above her, looking excitedly forward to what he was about to do to her. Who the hell knew what twisted ideas were floating through his head, the plans that he had for her. It seemed obvious, that he'd have his way with her, before he chopped her up into tiny pieces, and fed her to the children that were forced to live there with them, to become one of them. The twisted pieces of shit were brain-washers, another title to add to the long list.

David's terrible smile seemed to grow closer, his tongue sticking out as if to lick her, and he undoubtedly intended to. The twisted bastard was excited, and Ellie freaked out at the idea of what was to come next. His breath was on her neck, warm and threatening. It was so similar to a dog's, right before it would sink its teeth into you inviting flesh, and tear into you hungrily. Ellie began to shake.

_You think you know me, huh..._

His long, graying hair was in her face, scratching against her cheeks as he drew closer and closer. She was right back into the thick of it.

_Well let me tell you somethin'. You have no idea of what I'm capable of..._

Ellie felt her breath escape her, as she began to hyperventilate, her vision of the real world blurring before her very eyes, until it began to fall away from her. Maria was nothing but a mixture of colors now, as she could no longer see, no longer breathe. Her heart was racing, her ears were ringing, and Ellie couldn't do anything natural but let out a scream, before the Earth underfoot came up to claim her as the darkness surrounded her small frame, becoming her world.

All she could make out was Maria's startled scream.

* * *

_"So it was another one..."_

The world began to finally reform itself around her as Ellie came to, the throbbing in her head from where it had hit the ground earlier from her fall caused a sudden wave of nausea that nearly drowned her in its wake. The ringing in her ears pierced her head, causing even more pain to shoot through her very mind as she grimaced tightly, placing one palm up to it in retaliation, trying to push it out the back as if that would work. Squinting even more, she let her senses return, as she forced herself to somewhat sit up to collect her bearings, and try to figure out what had happened. Blinking away the grogginess that invaded her on top of her other ailments, her emerald eyes scanned the room she was lying in, and noticed that she was sitting in the hospital. Well, what could come across as a hospital these days, anyway.

"Ah, fuck me," she cursed.

The room was still a tad blurry, but was reconstructing itself at a slow but sure rate. At least she hadn't been blinded.

_"I'm afraid so, and even worse than the last time. Not only had she suffered a pretty bad anxiety attack, she had fallen pretty hard, which has resulted in a minor concussion. _Only _minor, but still."_

_ "Jesus."_

A concussion?

That pretty much summed up the pain she was experiencing. Ellie cursed again to herself as it dawned on her that her panic attacks were returning. They had been moderate before, but when one came around, they could be bad enough to where Joel would have to restrain her because it would be so bad. This one had apparently caused her to pass out due to hyperventilation, at least that's what she could pick up from the doctor outside. She could hear his voice, along with Joel's, who had left his shift, as Maria had said earlier, in order to check on her. Guilt then rocked her to the core as she realized that this was affecting the convenience of others.

Looking to her side, she saw the trinkets that she'd been carrying with her outside hours ago, lying side by side on the small metal table sitting close to the bed. She reached for the pendant that shined brightly with the dying light that peaked in from the heavy blinds that tried, but failed, to keep it out. Ellie ran her thumb over the name and the sadness returned. It wasn't as bad as it had been earlier, but she knew it was going to be an emotional couple of days.

_"Well, thanks, Grant. It's good to know she's in good hands."_

A chuckle followed.

_"Anytime, Joel. I do recommend, however, that you up the dosage of her medication for the next couple of weeks, so that this can be better controlled. It seems to me that each escalates to be worse than the previous, and we want to try and keep it from happening period."_

_ "Okay. Thanks, doc."_

Ellie heard Joel entering the room as she looked up at the aging man, her eyes meeting his as she saw a mix of worry and sorrow, so the emotions carried to her in response. He gave her a consoling grin, despite himself, and placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort her further.

"Hey there, kiddo."

Ellie closed her eyes, as the thoughts that ran through her head earlier returned.

_Turns out, there's a whole lot more like you, Ellie._

"I heard you took quite the fall."

Ellie rubbed her forehead, the pain central in the left side, which squinted her left eye in turn.

"Yeah, it hurt."

Joel nodded. Her short answers were just about common now, as you couldn't really ever hold a conversation with her anymore, not since their return. It depressed Joel, to think that she was this tormented on the inside, yet she'd never reach out to anyone because of her stubborn nature. That irritated him, especially since she could be helped along, no matter what she was going through. Ellie used to be so energetic, so spry. It just wasn't right.

"I bet it did," Joel responded. "Grant says that you are suffering from a minor concussion. They sting pretty badly, but it'll be gone soon, don't worry."

As Joel approached a bit more, Ellie groaned slightly as she shifted, hiding the pendant from his view so that he wouldn't ask her about it. He still didn't know the whole story, and she was debating on whether she'd ever tell him. Right now, because of the suspicions, she was leaning more towards the "never" side of the whole thing. Her back was facing Joel now, as she stared at the wall and sighed, a huge lump in her throat that was beginning to choke her up.

"Hey... hey, what's the matter?"

Joel put his hand back on Ellie's shoulder, but she shrugged it away, wishing to once again be left alone. She didn't want Joel to see her like this. The idea of that was just too much... too embarrassing. However, Joel was a lot more stubborn than she would've thought. It was something they both had in common.

"Ellie, common. Stop hiding from me."

"I'm not, Joel."

He cocked an eyebrow.

"Then why do you look away every time I try to talk to you?"

She didn't respond, which was the exact response that Joel had expected. He pulled up one of the chairs from the right, before sitting down beside the bed, with his hands in his lap. He waited for Ellie to say something. Anything.

"Ellie, it's obvious something is bothering you," he said, wanting to break the developing silence. "Why can't you just talk about it with anybody? At least talk to me."

She continued to glare at the wall, running her fingers over the pendant like it was her life line, the small indents where Riley's name was on the medallion made imprints on the pads of her thumb. Ellie's eyes were closed, because if she opened them, tears would start to spill out. Just a night stood between now and Riley's birthday. It was killing her. She just wanted the next week to go by and then go away. She had enough on her plate as it was, and with this added to the load on her shoulders, Ellie didn't know how she was going to get by. The horrible memories with David that sent her into shock, her suspicion with Joel that ate away at her, and now Riley in her every waking thought as well. How was a human being supposed to deal with this kind of thing?

"Ellie...?"

"Joel, please. Just... go away."

"Ellie, baby girl..."

"_Stop_, Joel. Leave me alone."

Her words cut deep, despite the simplicity of them. They hurt Joel, as he looked down at the ground with his brown eyes, filled with empathy. Or at least, he wanted them to be filled with empathy. He wanted to share the burdens she had with her, to take at least half of it away, so that he could see her smile again. It was all Joel thought about anymore. Ellie and Sarah, how the two of them had entered his life so unexpectedly and how they both had defined him as a human being. They were both very different, yet the same as well. It gave Joel headaches just to think about the two of them. Whatever Ellie was going through at the moment was definitely not on the same scale of what Sarah used to have to. No, it was much more intense, something a fifteen year old should not have to experience. Joel kept hoping something would come to mind to keep her tormentors at bay. At least, for a while, that is.

Ellie noticed his silence and briefly looked over, to find his sad eyes glued to the floor as his own thoughts were plaguing him. They displayed his defeat, his rejection. She realized that yet her comment wasn't the worst to ever leave her mouth, it was enough to send Joel into a further state of depression. Despite her suspicions, and her conflicted mindset, she cared so deeply for the man that sat across from her, so she spoke up.

"Joel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

He looked at her with his big puppy dog brown eyes that for some reason reminded her so much of Riley. Whether it was the shared eye color or something more, she didn't know, but it added to her own torment all the same.

"No, it's fine. It isn't you. I just..."

He paused, and his gaze met her own, staring into the emerald pools that captivated him, sparking so many memories. They were memories that Joel didn't want to think about.

"I'll leave you alone, Ellie. You need some time to rest, anyway."

"But you just got here."

"I know I did, but you're right. I need to give you some space."

"Fuck that, Joel. Forget I said anything... please. Just... stay here a little, will you?"

"I..."

"_Joel..."_

They both paused. Her swift change on whether or not she wanted Joel there at that moment surprised both of them, and Joel fully sat back down in the chair and grinned at her. It was unknown if it was feigned or not, however. They were both, in fact, scared people.

Ellie was still not used to the Joel she saw. He was more groomed, and less grey each day. His beard was shorter, yet noticeable all the same. He was almost beginning to look like the Joel she'd seen in the photograph with Sarah she'd snatched so long ago. Despite that, there were bags under his eyes most of the time. She could tell that he was suffering from insomnia as much as she was, which worried her. Her love-hate feelings for him were so complex and complicated, she didn't really know what to think about them anymore.

His rough hand laid on her shoulder a third time, and this time, Ellie didn't resist it. Joel leaned back a little, relaxed and almost relieved at her acceptance of his presence. She let her head softly lie against her pillow and she closed her eyes, still trying to fight away the haunting memories. However, for this small period of time, she was a little more successful.

"Hey, Joel..."

"Hmm..."

His own eyelids were beginning to flutter. It seemed that the two could only actually get a good rest when in each other's presence.

"What was Sarah like?"

His answer was silence, and she had definitely expected as much. Out of the near two years that she's known him, Ellie has still no idea of who Sarah was as a human being. She was a complete stranger, yet somehow, Ellie felt that she knew her. The picture she'd stolen from Maria was always in Joel's pocket, along with the shattered watch that he'd constantly rub with his fingers whenever she was brought up, or when he was in a depressed mood of sorts. This example was no exception. Joel's long hesitation pretty much got the message across that he was not yet ready to share that moment in his life. It was still a deep wound, there was no question, and Ellie could see that on his face.

"Okay..."

Ellie noticed the similarity that this conversation was beginning to have to one they had had before, and she decided that maybe it was for the best. She had enough people to mourn for at the moment.

"Too much?"

Joel nodded, giving her a sad look.

"Too much."

* * *

Tommy was outside the room, waiting for Joel to exit. His thumbs spun in his lap as his foot tapped underneath him. A pang of anger still sat in the pit of his stomach, as their conversation over Salt Lake had been left unresolved due to this fiasco. Which, by the way, added to his suspicions over what his big brother was hiding from him, what he'd been hiding for him for over a period of an entire year. He tried to hide it from his face. He'd been getting good at it, considering he'd been covering his impatience and frustration since they had arrived. Tommy wanted to be there for Joel, wanted to be a good brother to him. He couldn't, however, since Joel kept everything in the dark. Although, Joel had one hell of a lousy poker face, one that Tommy could easily see through.

Maria walked in through the door on his left as rain poured in through the temporary open gap. She looked over at him, her hair drenched and her clothes soaked, her piercing eyes glaring into his soul as she heaved. She'd been running. Maria wasn't dumb, she knew why Tommy was there, and what he planned on doing.

Tommy met Maria's stare, and gave a slight look of annoyance.

"What?"

"Now's not the time, Tommy," Maria responded, both hands on her hips as she tried to coax him out of the impending argument. "Too much has happened this evening, and we're all on edge because of it. Don't add fuel to the fire."

"Maria..."

Tommy chuckled. He had the habit of doing that when he was perturbed, and that frustrated the hell out of Joel. It had since they were kids. That's why he did it, and had grown used to doing it. He turned in his seat to face his wife, leaning over as far as he could in the little chair they provided in the waiting room.

"...when is the time to talk about this?"

"When we're all calm and collected, and when there isn't something like this going on at the time."

"Maria, you need to understand that this is my brother, and that I absolutely have to talk to him. Now, I know where you're coming from with this, and I appreciate it, really I do. But..."

"Tommy, stop."

Maria pulled up a chair and sat in it backwards in front of Tommy, her arms over the back, as she made the most serious face that she could.

"Please, don't kick the dog right now. We can all sit down and discuss this as a family... together. I understand how frustrating this must be for you, but..."

"I don't think you do understand Maria."

Maria snorted, shaking her head.

"Don't treat me like I'm ignorant, Tommy. Believe me, I do understand. That's my brother in law and the girl that could very well be considered my niece in there. I _do _understand. However, this is _absolutely_ not the time to be doing this."

"Maria, I have to talk to him. It's been a year, and they both are hiding shit from us... shit that we could help them with."

"I know, Tommy, but they may be holding this back from us for a reason. Maybe we shouldn't be involved with stuff this deep anyway.

"Maria, this very thing right here," he whispered sternly as he jabbed a finger at the floor for emphasis, "could have been avoided if they would just _talk _to us."

"I never said we wouldn't talk with them, Tommy. I just said that we need to wait."

"Maria, I love ya, but I need to talk to him. He told me a story while we were on patrol today, and it was a bullshit story, a _lie._"

Maria opened her mouth to respond, yet she closed it. Despite her wanting to keep the peace, her curious side was a bit more overwhelming.

"He told me that when they found the Fireflies, that there were a whole lot more of them, Maria."

"What do you mean? Like Ellie?"

Maria pointed towards the door that housed Joel and Ellie as they spoke.

"Yes," Tommy whispered back. "However, he said that it was a fruitless effort, and that they had given up looking for a cure."

Maria scooted a little further in her chair.

"Is this true?"

"No, Maria. It's not. I was with them, remember. I was friends with their leader, Marlene. I knew her, I knew _them. _There was no way that they would've given up on something like this. It's one of the main reasons that they exist in the first place. And Marlene... she's way to stubborn a broad to just back down from a cause such as this. Joel doesn't know them, so obviously he can't create a descent enough story to cover up whatever the hell happened in Salt Lake. He's lying through his fuckin' teeth, and I know this..."

The door opened, and Joel stepped out. Maria and Tommy stopped dead in their tracks as their hushed conversation did as well. Joel then pulled the door shut, and then nodded slowly to his little brother. Clearing his throat, he walked over to where the two sat.

"Hey, there, big brother," Tommy said as calmly as he could, "How's Ellie doing?"

Joel placed his hands in his pant pockets, and displayed that he had no intention of sticking around for the time being.

"She's okay. Ellie's got a minor concussion from her fall, and Grant wants to up her dosage of her anxiety medicine so that we can avoid any other episodes like this one. Other than that, she'll be back on her feet in no time."

"That's good to hear, Joel. It's a relief," Maria chimed in.

Joel smiled at the two, and then went for the door as quickly as he'd exited Ellie's room. It slammed behind him, and with that, he was gone. It seemed a little out of character for him, indeed.

Tommy and Maria's attention grew slowly back to each other as Tommy noticed Maria had an eyebrow cocked.

"That was odd."

"It was. I'd expected him to of stayed here with Ellie until she was back on her feet, no matter how long it took."

Maria nodded, and then a concerned look grew on her face.

"You don't think that... that he heard us, do you."

Tommy looked over to the side, his mind racing as thoughts passed through at a thousand miles an hour. His eyes seemed to be slightly distant, until he shook his head, his lips pressed firmly.

"No, I don't think so."

Maria then placed a hand on his shoulder, her husband obviously extremely uncomfortable. She rubbed it, and then patted him to reassure him.

"Just relax for now, okay, Tommy? We can address this later."

Tommy was stubborn, for he didn't, couldn't, wait any longer for this inevitable conflict. So he stood, breaking Maria's contact, and began to walk for the door in pursuit of his big brother.

"Tommy..."

"Maria, stop._ I have to talk to him_," he repeated for the thousandth consecutive time, "no matter what the damn date is, and no matter what's happening. Ellie's in that bed for a reason, and he's hiding that very reason from us. I'm going to find out tonight, honey. I need to."

"No you don't, Tommy. Like I've said again and again, let's just wait this out. We can all talk about this later as a civilized..."

"Maria, _stop."_

Tommy turned before she could respond, and opened the door, buckets of rain blasting him in the face as he did so.

"Tommy wait..."

Despite his sudden rush, he stopped to turn and look at Maria, who'd stood up from her own chair to look at him with pleading eyes.

"You know very well what day it is tomorrow."

Tommy's eyes drifted to the ground, and he nodded slowly.

"Sarah's birthday."

Maria nodded in return, wrapping her arms around her chest in response to the cold, and forced a grin at him.

"At _least_ be collected about it, Tommy. I don't want to be digging two graves."

Tommy smiled as he looked back up at her, and then rushed into the rain in pursuit of his brother. They had a lot of talking to do.


	5. Revelations

**A/N: So guys, guess whose back in the game. I gotta definitely apologize for nearly three months without an update. Life has definitely intruded. Inspiration had been hard to come by honestly, as I cursed myself for not continuing the story everyday I didn't. The fucking word doc would be open all day, and the damn curser would be blinking in the same spot for twelve hours, before I decided to close the laptop for the night. However, while listening to _Counting the Hours _and _Crash _by this new band, Digital Summer, something inside my head clicked. So, I opened it up, and it flowed with this awesome music blasting in my ears (ya gotta check them out). **

**Oh, and this amazing fanart of _The Last of Us_ itself, created by iaterocks on deviantart. Also, this person was incredibly awesome in letting me use it as cover art for this story. Gotta go check them out, too. Anyway, enough of me rambling, because I know that's not why you guys are here. Here's chapter 5, guys.**

* * *

Chapter 5: Revelations

* * *

The two protagonists of Ellie's favorite graphic novel, _Savage Starlight_, starred up at Joel with a fierce determination as they prepared for whatever interstellar battle or conquest they were about to undertake. It was quiet amusing to Joel, actually, to have a good first look at what has had Ellie so entertained over the past couple of years he'd known her. _You may not believe it, but this is not a bad read._ Joel had never been for the sci-fi genre despite Sarah's unhealthy obsession with werewolves, vampires, and zombies (if they even counted as science fiction to begin with), however a good story about humanity kicking the asses of their extraterrestrial invaders was always fun on occasion.

The rain from outside still thudded steadily and almost therapeutically on the roof above his head as Joel stood at the side of Ellie's mattress, a stack of five comics of her choosing in his hands as he wiped the dust already accumulating on the casings. Drenched from head to toe, his jacket of literally almost no use to him, he tried to keep his distance from the two unmade and unraveled mattresses that served as their beds. He did not like the concept of sleeping in wet blankets, that was for certain. Granted, he'd grown accustom to such a thing while on the road a year ago, however with the actual option of avoiding just that, Joel liked to take advantage of such things.

Such things that he had no idea would ever become a reality in the new world panned out for them.

Despite himself, and despite Ellie, he couldn't stop thinking about Sarah, whose pretty little face popped up in his head every time he looked into the mesmerizing green eyes of the new daughter he'd been graced with. On top of the guilt that already filled nearly every waking thought of his, that added to the load that left a lump in his chest. He felt as if he were replacing her, while trying to fill a dark void he never thought would be healed again. It filled his mind almost every time he was on his own, like earlier on the watch tower, looking out into the green world that had taken over. It was almost repeating itself, over and over, not allowing him a moment to feel joy, a nagging voice chanting _how dare you replace your own daughter with some impostor._

_Ellie's no impostor. She's the key to my sanity._

While this internal war fought itself, another was raging as well, reminding him every waking hour of every day of how he'd lied to this "key to sanity". Was he really that indecent? Dishonest? Dishonorable?

Joel rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger, squinting as he tried to rid the burning sensation known as guilt from his being for just that afternoon, so that he could quite possible enjoy it. Letting it fester inside for such a grand period of time would do nobody justice at all. The concept of actually talking to somebody actually was beginning to sound quite appealing to him, considering how three hundred and sixty-five days of keeping it all wrapped up underneath would begin to deteriorate his health.

To keep his mind off Ellie, the lie, the Fireflies, Joel turned to the beds and squatted down beside hers, placing the books to the side for a split second as he began to actually make it for the first time in weeks. He and Ellie shared a laziness in cleaning up after themselves, something Maria would hound specifically him on every time she'd walk into the house, with the stray dishes, napkins, etc. Taking each blanket one at a time, the sheet first, followed by the cover, he pulled it over and stuffed it under each corner of the mattress so that they would stay in place.

The only reason that he was here at this moment instead of at Ellie's bedside was by her request. Grant, the town-renowned doctor, wanted her there over night, and she would be damned if she didn't have anything to read. So, she quickly scribbled down a list for him to recover back at their home, one which seemed quite long for him to be carrying under his arm through the hail and rain outside. However, he didn't gripe.

Joel grinned to himself and at a job well done, plus the fact that Ellie would have a semi clean place to sleep. That, and how she'd give him a hard time on the fact he actually cleaned something for a change.

Picking up the comics, Joel decided to leave his alone, and turned to walk towards the door, shuffling down the steps, when a knock sounded through the house. He figured that he'd have his person to talk to after all, since he was certain of who it was at the front door awaiting an answer. However, it did freeze Joel in place, as he knew that his little brother was there to in fact confront him on the exact same thing that was eating him up alive from the inside out. Biting his lip, a surge of honest to god anxiety boiling inside him, he inhaled deeply as he went to answer the door.

Tommy's persistent knocking was a bit unnerving, but Joel almost chuckled to himself as he figured that after what he'd faced before, he could handle his little brother. He did, on the other hand, find himself hesitating in front of the door as he started to reach for the knob to unlock it. Just the thoughts of how this whole thing could turn up alone was enough to keep him from even answering in the first place. Seriously, though. It had to happen sooner or later, didn't it?

Joel stood at the door for quite some time, or around a minute, as Tommy kept banging, waiting for a response from him as he did begin to realize that maybe in fact it wasn't just the impending confrontation that was behind the incessant knocking, but the howling rain outside drenching him.

Blowing out his breath, muttering to himself _"fuck it"_, and rounding up enough strength to actually stare down his brother on such a sensitive topic, he opened the door and let Tommy in. A large amount of rain slipped in through the newly opened crack, as well, which began to soak the inner floors and walls, Joel included.

Pushing his way inside, the wind fighting the door as Joel attempted to push it closed behind him, while Tommy let out an exhausted breath as he walked over to the counter. The small kitchen was lit by a dim light across from the front door, as Joel could almost not see his brother's face, undoubtedly hiding the expression that he never wanted to see there. Leaning on the marble top, catching his breath, as he was definitely running through the pouring rain outside, Tommy ran his hands through his soaked hair.

"Could have let me in sooner, Joel."

He chuckled as a result.

"Well, I was in the middle of something."

Tommy cocked an eyebrow.

"Such as?"

Joel responded by gesturing at the five comics in his hand, before simply shrugging and chucking the pile on the table, with a not so neat result. Shuffling over to the counter where Tommy stood, he cleared his throat, hoping to maybe procrastinate the conversation a little longer.

"You know, I was about to come back. You didn't have to come running up through this storm to find me."

"Well, Joel, I didn't know that. I didn't know if you were just walking off for a minute or two or if you were just trying to get away from it."

"From what?"

Tommy pointed in the direction of the hospital, where Ellie was.

"All that, Joel. All that shit that's going on with Ellie."

"Uh, and when have I been known to do that?"

Tommy paused, the brief silence that fell over the two unsettling, all that could be heard was the relentless rain and their own heartbeat.

"Never, but the situation with her is different, Joel. Ever since you came back here with her, it's almost like you've been a completely different man from the past two decades. Almost like when..."

Tommy stopped, unable to state the obvious, or to bring her back up again. However, he did proceed to look up at Joel, a cold stare that he'd learned over the course of twenty years.

"You know, I was in the middle of something too. A couple of hours ago, before Ellie had her..."

He stopped again due to the lack of a better word.

"...episode."

"Tommy, what are you getting at?"

"You want to quit stalling this, Joel? You seem to always be all gungho when it comes to clashing with me when it's my own damn fault, however when it has to do with you, you won't have anything to do with it."

Shaking his head, Joel glanced up at his brother for the first time since he arrived.

"I already told you what happened, Tommy..."

"No. You told me a bullshit story to cover up whatever the hell happened there. Now, for God's sake, Joel, I've known you for my whole 45 years, and I can tell you beyond a reasonable doubt that you have one hell of a lousy poker face. So, if you please, stop covering your tracks and just tell me."

Joel raised his arms, still trying to feign innocence. He knew that if he were to tell Tommy the truth, this would definitely spread to Maria. That would be a problem, due to the fact that Maria and her guilt would end up giving it away to Ellie herself. It was pretty self-explanatory from there.

"Joel..."

"Tommy, I don't know what you expect me to say."

"I expect the truth, Joel. I mean, isn't that enough for your fuckin' brother?"

"Look. Maybe I left out a few details here and there..."

"A few?"

"Yeah, a few. Everything else isn't important."

Tommy rubbed his face, eyes clenched as he began to grow noticeably more agitated.

"Joel..."

Tommy walked over to Joel, placing a hand on his shoulder and jabbing his other finger in Ellie's direction a second time.

"Look at her, Joel. Look at the girl you've grown so fond of. She is sitting in a hospital bed right now, because of what Grant is calling _PTSD_. That shit just doesn't show up out of no where, and she seemed perfectly fine when you were here before you went on your little adventure to Salt Lake. So, obviously, something happened in between then that you are refusing to tell me!"

Joel shoved Tommy's hand off of him, passing him as he turned to keep facing him, backing into the kitchen, all the while his head shaking and his eyebrows raised.

"What to you honestly want me to say to you, Tommy? Obviously, something happened, yes! However, I don't think you really need to know..."

"For Christ's sake, Joel. I think I do need to know. That girl has been through a lot of shit, I can tell. But now, all of the sudden, this happens. Something bad happened out there and you are _refusing_ to tell me. Why?"

"It's just a minor detail."

"How the hell could it be a minor detail, Joel? What does that even mean?"

"It means that it doesn't matter, okay," Joel snapped.

Tommy caught his sudden reaction, and snorted.

"Joel, if it's such a minor detail, than why the fuck can't you just spit it out. I mean, seriously, this whole exchange here could be avoided if you just tell me."

"No, Tommy."

Tommy advanced on Joel, walking into the kitchen where he stood, his expression changing from agitation to pure anger in a split second that slightly caught Joel off guard.

"The fact that you are so hesitant about it tells me it isn't just _some minor detail!_ C'mon, Joel. What do you take me for, here?"

"I don't take you for anything, Tommy, it's just..."

"What the hell else could it be, Joel?"

Joel gritted his teeth, an anger beginning to build up inside at his brother as he pushed not to snap at him, which would only succeed in making this situation much more hostile.

"Nothing..."

"_Joel! _Quit soundin' like some ten year old girl who got caught with a hand in a fuckin' cookie jar, and just _talk to me!"_

"Well, Tommy, excuse me if I'm not so keen on discussing the topic of Ellie nearly gettin' raped, _okay!"_

Tommy froze mid-gesture, glaring deep into Joel's eyes as the shock of the realization taking hold lowered his guard, weakening his resolve in the exchange as his arm fell to his side. Mouth a-gape from what he originally was about to say, he made a grunting sound as if he were trying to form differant words.

"Listen, Tommy..."

"I can't believe... why... why would you hide this from us? Huh? I mean, obviously, this is pretty fuckin' important for us to know, given the circumstances, especially for Grant over there, trying to help her."

"I just..."

"Why hasn't Ellie said anything?"

"You... you really expect her to be talkin' about something like that, especially with Grant?"

"I... not really... no, but it sure as hell would lessin' the load on her shoulders."

Joel simply shrugged, and Tommy exhaled, placing his hands on his sides as he glanced over to the side, obviously in thought about the whole situation. Biting his lip, he shook his head again and cleared his throat, wishing he could feel any sense of empathy for the girl a few blocks down, dealing with the torment on her own with the only other sane mind that knew about this being his brother right in front of him.

Tommy glanced back at Joel, his stare even harder than before.

"Joel, what happened."

"I don't know."

"What the hell you mean..."

"Tommy, I said I don't know. I mean, hell, I was out for a few months, I think, and woke up to find her missin'. When I did find her, however, she was on top of some man, hacking away at his face."

"Jesus."

"Yeah."

Tommy's eyes glued to the floor, his eyes shut as he tried to imagine the hardship that followed.

"What then?"

"I..."

The thought of them both breaking down right there wasn't one memory he wished to recall, especially to his little brother, who looked up to him throughout the years. Rubbing his beard, Joel blinked it away and gave another attempt to try and wrap his head around it all. He wished there was something more he could do for Ellie. Even though it had been one hell of a hardship, as Tommy put it, for him alone, he couldn't imagine what it'd been for her, the one that was actually at the other end of it.

"It's okay, Joel. As I said before, you don't need to go further on that subject."

"Okay," Joel said immediately after Tommy finished his sentence.

Tommy glanced downward again, inhaling deeply through his nose as he mustered up the courage once more to continue.

"But, Joel, that's not it, is it?"

"What?"

"You wouldn't of been that persistent to hold back if it had been just that. Granted, that is one heavy load for anybody to carry, but that can't be it."

"Tommy, seriously. Just knock it off."

"Why, Joel. What the hell is so goddamn terrible that you can't tell me?"

Tommy's hostile tone had returned, and Joel's barrier and resolve diminished. He couldn't keep the lie burning away at him concealed much longer. It'd kill him before Tommy got the chance if he ever did decide to reveal it. So he finally began to consider just letting go.

"Joel?"

"I'm tired, Tommy. I'm so fuckin' tired of all this."

"What are you gettin' at..."

"You know damn good and well what I'm gettin' at, Tommy. All this..."

He waved his arms around, gesturing at the world that surrounded them.

"This world of blood and gore, murder, rape... this is the world I've come to know more than the one that was taken from us, Tommy. I've lived longer in this world than the last, and this shit's beginning to get fuckin' gray, brother."

"Joel, you know I hate this just as much as you, but..."

"When that girl entered my life, Tommy," Joel interrupted, "I resented her at first. Hell, she was just cargo to me, some 'product' of sorts I had to haul across the country for the supplier at the end of the road. For fuck's sake, I resented everybody. I looked at this world in one color and that was just fuckin' red. I didn't give a shit about anything. Then, she enters my life, and I become soft."

He gestured then towards himself.

"I went to the hardened father who'd lost his daughter, to a soft _liar_ that cares to much for one person, which happened to get to the point to where it was just salt in a fuckin' wound."

"So you were lying to me then, Joel?"

"_Yes, Tommy! _I lied! I fuckin' lied! To you, to her, to _everyone_, so that I wouldn't lose somebody else again!"

"What the fuck do you mean?"

"I mean I killed those fuckin' Fireflies!"

Tommy was taken aback, his eyes widening as his mouth a-gape yet again, frozen in the stance he was in the second Joel opened his mouth. He didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to say, as it dawned on him of the possibility, no, the fact, that his brother was a monster.

Joel continued.

"Ellie became my world, Tommy. She was my world the second she broke down in my arms in that _fuckin' _restaurant, right atop the remains of the man that tried to have his way with her! She was _just like Sarah!"_

"What the _fuck do you mean_ you killed the Fireflies!"

Joel advanced, still not finished as his sudden energized rant kept going, honestly scaring Tommy a bit.

"You want to know what happened out there, baby brother? You want to fuckin' know? They were going to kill her! They were going to take the one person I actually gave a shit about away, and I'd have to repeat the fuckin' process again. To fuckin' grieve for another _fuckin' little girl, another daughter!_"

"She isn't your daughter, Joel," Tommy snapped back, "and this whole thing had nothing to do with you."

"Tommy, listen to me! The only way they could create that cure that they were, _you were,_ talking up this whole time was to take her life. To slice her fuckin' head open and study her, like some fuckin' specimen in a petri dish..."

"Joel, _what did you do?"_

"I retaliated, Tommy. I killed them to protect her!"

Tommy's hands rose up to his forehead as he turned his back to Joel, almost hyperventilating as he tried to wrap his mind around what he'd just heard. He briefly paced, wondering what the hell he was going to do.

"When you say they were going to kill Ellie for this cure, do you mean..."

"They needed her brain, Tommy. That's were the fungus grows, where the infection inevitably leads, and you _know this._ She was not going to survive the operation in any possible scenario."

Tommy hesitated talking anymore, not knowing how to react, or how to verbally respond to this atrocity that was being unveiled to him.

"...and where was Marlene during all of this."

"She was the one that gave the order. She figured it would be for the greater good."

Tommy turned, facing Joel, internally conflicted on whose side to take. The one that fought for family, or the one that fought for the greater good.

"How could she be the one to make that call."

"I don't know, Tommy. She did. Despite the promise she apparently made to Ellie's mother, she made that call."

"Was Ellie given a choice."

"No."

Tommy raised both eyebrows in speculation.

"How do you know that."

"I know."

"So, just because you spent a year with her, you were one hundred percent sure."

"I was sure, Tommy."

"Joel, however, do you realize the weight of this situation. The cost of your choice."

Joel paused, glaring at his brother.

"Tommy..."

"What if it had worked, Joel. What if it had..."

"Tommy, don't you dare..."

"You were just damning this world for what it was, and yet you damned humanity to it by this choice you made."

"Tommy, _stop!"_

"Why should I, Joel? Huh? I mean, hell, it sounds like you made her choice for her..."

"_Tommy!"_

"What, Joel? I mean, seriously, what? You think you're in the right, here?"

"No, I don't. I don't think I am. Why do you think I didn't tell anyone?"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute? So Ellie doesn't know?"

"Tommy..."

_"Does Ellie know?"_

Joel hesitated for a brief moment, not knowing if he should even answer.

"...no, Tommy. She doesn't."

"So, what did you tell her?"

Joel opened his mouth, yet nothing came out. He almost couldn't form words anymore.

"No... no, you didn't tell her the same bullshit story you told me?"

Joel once again didn't answer, and Tommy laughed, running both hands through his hair as he once again put his back to him. Interlocking his fingers behind his head, Tommy paced, still in the dark of how to handle this knew truth that he'd so desperately pushed for. What was anybody supposed to do? _What was anybody supposed to fucking do?_

"I can't believe this, Joel."

"Tommy, you got to understand why I did this."

"Why should I, Joel?"

"Tommy, it was her life for a gamble."

Tommy faced his brother yet again, cocking an eyebrow in half-amusement, half-disbelief.

"A gamble, huh? Were you ever a Firefly?"

"No, I wasn't."

"Then how the fuck do you know if it was a gamble?"

"Do I have to explain it to you, Tommy?"

"Yeah, you do!"

"Our own modern medication from before this all went to shit was flawed. Very advanced, and definitely the work of miracles, but flawed, even under the control of very experienced doctors and scientists. We couldn't cure cancer, Tommy! In the modern age, we couldn't kill a cell that entered our body when we could sure as hell radiate and pollute it. However, you expect this sloppy, almost disorganized group of so called _vigilantes_ to put together a cure to fight off a disease that turns another average day Joe into a killing monster? Not to mention, that we are standing in the middle of a _post-apocalyptic world!"_

"Joel, spare me the hippy bullshit! Yeah, it was a gamble, I'll give you that. However, you made the choice for Ellie, do you get that? You took her choice away from her!"

"They weren't giving her a choice, Tommy. _Do YOU get that?"_

"They had to give her a choice. Hell, they _knew her_, for Christ's sake."

"They never even woke her up! She was unconscious the _whole time!_"

"There's no way..."

"Oh, believe me, brother, there is."

They paused, the heat of the argument so thick it could be cut with a butter knife. The rain on the outside still hounded at the walls and roof, going in sync with the raised heartbeats that filled each correspondent brother's ears.

"...and where was Marlene during all of this? Hmm? There's no way, knowing her, she would've just stand by while you 'retaliated'."

Joel this time hesitated, at a loss for words for what to say about this one. What are you supposed to say, when you murder someone in cold blood.

_Let me go! Please!_

_ You'd just come after her!_

"Joel, you didn't..."

An eerie silence fell upon them, as Tommy finally got the full truth. Joel had killed the Fireflies, Marlene, and the chance of escaping this nightmare of a world for the life of a girl. Granted, the girl was a sweetheart, despite her gritty nature, and deserved the best. Tommy didn't know what to think anymore. Who was right and who was wrong? This whole world had turned one solid shade of gray, his brother was right in that aspect.

"I can't fuckin' believe it!"

"Tommy, what else was I supposed to do?"

"Maybe talk it out? Or figure something else out? Sneak her out, maybe."

"Tommy, they had me handcuffed to a steel bar, before your crazed Ethan began to escort me out by gunpoint. Then, to add on to that, they had Ellie, unconscious, by the way, let me make that clear a second time, on an operating table surrounded by several soldiers."

"So you just slaughtered them."

"It was either them or Ellie."

It almost wrenched Joel's gut at the similarity of that statement to something he'd told Ellie a while back. It had been some form of a thank you.

"Joel, I don't know what to think."

"Please understand me, Tommy. Hell, you're my baby brother. I need you to understand me. You're the only person that can."

"How can I, Joel? You just killed off the Fireflies. If there was any chance of us escaping this hell, it died with them, and this world's blood may as well be on your hands for that."

"But Ellie's would have been on the world's if I let them go through with it. Would we really sacrifice a kid to start over. How would we build off of that?"

Tommy hesitated, as he actually agreed with that.

"Joel, I get you, but don't give me this speech that we couldn't be saved. You did this for your own selfish reasons!"

"I did, Tommy. But, for fuck's sake, I'd do it again."

"You'd damn humanity a second time? Just for that girl?"

"Yes, Tommy. I would. I would damn this world to a hell that it's already going to. That it already is!"

"That girl isn't Sarah."

"No, she isn't."

Tommy looked to the side, debating on whether he should continue down the path he was just about to open.

"Is that what Ellie is, Joel."

"What?"

"Is she Sarah's replacement?"

It was Joel's turn to be taken aback, almost hurt by the question.

"No, Tommy. _No, nuh_... she isn't a replacement."

"Joel, her birthday is tomorrow. You've been closer to Ellie these past few days than ever before, and you won't even give her space. I can see agitation on her face, Joel. In all seriousness, are you trying to replace her?"

"Tommy, okay. You're going too deep here."

"This is something _I _need to know, okay. I mean, I've grown to love that girl too, obviously like you have. However, I need to know."

"Why, Tommy? You didn't lose a daughter."

"You're right, Joel, but I did lose somebody. I cared for Sarah, too, and it hit me hard also."

"Didn't really show, though, did it."

"I had to be strong for the two of us Joel. One of us had to. You couldn't go a day without breaking down for five years afterward."

"That's an exaggeration."

"It isn't. Hell, it maybe an understatement."

"Tommy, seriously, enough."

"Joel, you've got to answer me one of the days. What is Ellie to you?"

"She's a second daughter, Tommy. That's what she is."

"Does she see you as a father."

"I don't know, maybe. What the hell is this, Tommy."

"If you're going to sacrifice the cure for mankind for her, Joel, I at least need to know you're seeing Ellie standing there, not Sarah."

"I do see Ellie."

"I'm not so sure that's true, Joel. Should I even trust you, considering you've grown accustom to lying to everyone you see."

His tone was raising again, and Joel's agitation had reached it's peak. He'd had enough with this damn argument/intervention or whatever Tommy was attempting to pull, and got in Tommy's face.

"I've had enough, Tommy. I'm done with this bullshit."

"What difference does that make, Joel? This mean when you're done with pretending Sarah's still around, you'll just cast Ellie aside?"

Joel shoved Tommy against the door, and almost like it was a direct result, the rain picked up outside and filled their ears.

"You have _no idea_ what I've been through! And you will never have an_ inkling _of what it's like to lose somebody that close to you."

Tommy pushed himself off the door, and shoved Joel back.

"I already lost someone, Joel. I lost my fucking brother."

Joel glared at him, and Tommy glared right back.

_We ain't back in Boston. You lay your hands on me again it won't end well for you._

Joel went to throw the first punch, to shut Tommy's stupid mouth up so he wouldn't be hounded anymore. Tommy advanced to, willing to retaliate in kind. However, a serious sense of deja vu swarmed them as the sirens sounded outside, ringing through the rainfall and stopping both brothers mid-swing.

"You've got to be fuckin' kidding me."

Joel looked upward, the sound sending a spark of adrenaline through his veins, adding to the sensation that was already taking place, and he looked over at Tommy with a look that neither could describe.

"We ain't finished here," Tommy told him.

"I realize that."

Tommy took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief moment before nodding to Joel, and with that, he turned to open the front door, the rainfall once again soaking the two as the exited, and ran out into the storm, ready to take their anger out on somebody else.

There were bandits to kill.

* * *

**A/N: Another one of these. I know, I'm terrible. I just have to say that the kind words you guys give is just incredible. Seriously, it's one of the reasons why I've stuck to writing this, plus the world of the Last of Us is just so much fun to write about. I read every review that pops up, and just the great feelings, wow, thanks guys. I gotta say, also, this one guest keeps giving me ideas, and that's pretty awesome, as well (you know who you are). Anyway, I'm updating on Fridays now, weekly, so I hopefully can keep my word on this one and stay away from the dreaded hiatuses (also, hopefully FanFiction as a community can help work together to make that become just a distant memory, and kick that word out of the dictionary). So, I'm done talking, typing fingers are tired. Catch you guys on the flip side!**


	6. Sheep Among Wolves

**A/N: Another delay? I know, I'm terrible, however, as promised, here's Chapter 6. The same thing stands, I'm not abandoning the story, even if another hiatus plagues this FanFic (hopefully not). **

**Now, anyway, this chapter is actually quite gruesome, and was hard as hell to write as a result. View discretion is definitely advised, which leaves me to another thing, with the next chapter, I'm gonna change the rating to M. Wanted to let you guys know while it was still under T, that way y'all don't think that it disappeared and I deleted it. I actually got a good profile up now (debatable), and am putting up a poll to see if you guys think I should take this direction. I've got two differant paths for _the Coming Storm_ planned out, one focusing solely on Joel and Ellie, and the one I'm currently taking, to show what the events that occured in _the Last of Us_ and what is to occur here has on a larger scale. Let me know, and as always, thank you guys big time for sticking with me, and for the kind words you give. Over 50 reviews? Insane, I say! **

* * *

**Chapter 6: Sheep Among Wolves**

* * *

**4 Hours Earlier... **

"Hey there. Rise and shine, buttercup!"

Nathan felt like death, feeling two strong arms shake him awake as the world began to come back to him slowly, as he forced himself to peal his eyes open. Through the grit and grime, he could see his own face in the reflection the pool of blood at his feet created, and his bruised and battered form became a reality. Blinking frantically, shaking his head as a constant ringing pierced his hearing like a concentrated needle, borrowing deep and true as he could swear it was close to causing hemorrhaging. The person above him seemed to grin with satisfaction, as her cheeks portrayed, her mouth covered by a bandanna as the beanie she had slightly tilted on her head hid her hair. One eyebrow cocked, which was slightly dimmed from the thin scar running through, she nodded with approval.

"That's it, that's it," she soothed, "Come on back to us. The party ain't over yet."

Nathan, a boy of about 19, was stunned at the view of himself and the girl he cared for most in front of him, Rachael, who was restrained to a chair. Her usual brown hair was black with crusted mud and blood, her left eye swollen shut, and her lips cracked, streams of red down her mouth and chin, which dribbled onto her shirt. He began to struggle, making the realization that he was in the exact same predicament.

"Ya know, I was beginning to get worried," the woman said, pacing the space in between him and Rachael,"Thought you'd decided to up and leave us. Now, that would've been extremely rude, especially to your lass here."

Her accent was Australian, crisp and firm, as it pulled Nathan from his grogginess surprisingly more than the situation did.

"W-who the hell are you?"

The woman made a ticking noise whilst shaking her head disapprovingly.

"No, no. It's not your job to ask the questions here..."

She backhanded Nathan across the left cheek, rattling him in his chair. Coughing, he struggled to straighten himself, gritting his teeth for composure.

"...it's ours."

"The hell you mean?"

She backhanded him again.

"What did I just say?"

He spit, looking up into the woman's gold eyes, which were threatening him with their gaze. They had a fire in them, one that you never saw in a person, along with a history, born of pain and suffering. He couldn't match it, and found himself starring at his feet.

"You gonna answer me?"

"Y-you're asking the questions..."

The woman sighed.

"That's better."

Unlike Nathan, Rachael was gagged, as he noticed his surroundings better. It wasn't just the three of them, there were three others. The woman, like the man who had a gun to Rachael's head, was dressed in yellow, armed to the teeth. The other man, however, was rigid, dirty. Obviously due for a wash. Nathan immediately recognized him as a bandit, standing on the other side of Rachael by a table which held several tools. He shivered as he came to realize what they were for.

Then, there was the third, who had his back turned to the rest of them. As the other three seemed completely involved with the interrogation, he starred off into space, probably in deep thought, a cigarette in between his two fingers as he puffed away. He seemed unnaturally patient.

"Take a good, long look, boy," the woman said, gesturing to Rachael, "let your surroundings sink in."

Nathan had already done so, however he made the terrifying discovery of Rachael's beaten stomach, her shirt torn down violently to her waist, revealing her braw. The bandit who had her by the hair had a nasty grin on his face, but was constantly glancing up at the woman, looking more and more impatient by the minute. He looked like a pleading dog.

_Pathetic piece of shit._

"Now, me and my colleague here," she pointed to the other dressed in yellow, "we're willing to go on as long as this takes. However, our aquantence there, he doesn't have the best patience in the world, and I doubt we can hold him back if he decides to begin. I hear he has a nasty bite to him..."

The bandit laughed, and Rachael, shut her eyes, scared beyond belief. She was trembling, tears beginning to steam down her cheeks.

"What do you want from us?"

Nathan was hit again.

"How many times do I have to restate myself, I'm the one asking the questions."

"Stop, please. Just... don't hurt her."

"Whose she to you?"

It was the other yellow dressed man on the left. They reminded Nathan of bumblebees.

His panic was beginning to rise, all to noticeably as well. They had picked up on it.

"Something important, I assume," the woman stated.

She squatted down, placing a hand on his cheek, as she brought his attention full onto her.

"How much danger are you willing to put her in, eh? Your sweet, your mate, your life? How far can you go?"

"P-please..."

"Nothing has to happen here, boy. Nothing at all. No more blood. No more broken bones. No more pain."

"All we ask from you in return are some answers."

Nathan's eyes darted around the room, his vision still fuzzy from whatever had rendered him unconscious in the first place, and he scaled the environment. They were in the middle of a large warehouse, darkened by the clouds above, as an occasional round of thunder shook the foundation, foreshadowing a storm that was surely on the way.

"Just don't touch her..."

"Believe me, if you answer, we won't."

"I mean _you,_" Nathan bellowed suddenly towards the bandit that had a handful of Rachael's hair, his nose pressed up against her neck as she trembled, her breaths escaping rapidly as she was close to sobbing.

"Keep him away from her, and I'll give you answers, whatever you need."

The woman nodded, looking over to her "colleague" as he walked over to the bandit, grabbing him by the shoulders and hauling him off her. A streak of relief passed over her face, but quickly disappeared.

"See that, Bobby, I told you it was that easy."

"Whatever you say."

The woman looked back to Nathan, patting him on the shoulder as she nodded approvingly this time.

She exhaled, her golden eyes finding his, yet each time they tried to match his gaze, he had to look away. It was almost as if looking into them burned.

"I guess I'll put this as bluntly as possible. No more illusions, no more foreplay..."

She got a laugh from Bobby, the other dressed in yellow.

"Jackson County, where you and the girl come from. There's... something there that we are looking for, that's all... something important, and we need access..."

"Tommy's too damn stubborn to allow it," Bobby continued for her, "won't even open the fuckin' gates..."

"...which is why we need your help. It's why we are all here right now."

Nathan looked slightly confused, and Bobby shook his head as a result.

"You know who Tommy is, right boy?"

"Of course, but why? What does this matter?"

He squinted, expecting a beating, but was shocked to discover that one was not coming. He blew through his nose.

"Doesn't matter to you. We just need an access point."

"A- an access point?"

"Precisely," Bobby went on, "A weakness in their infrastructure. A hole in the wall, something easy yet overlooked, an Achilles' heel, if you will."

"This is very important, boy, something that will in the end be very beneficial for everybody."

Nathan looked even more confused by the second, as they seemed to become more and more vague as time went by. The woman caught on to this, and scratched her temple, before looking up to her counterpart.

"We're not getting anywhere with him, I don't think."

Bobby grunted.

"Boy, how do we get into Jackson County without stirring up a conflict? How can we sneak by undetected to get what we're searching for."

"W-why Jackson. Of all places, why here?"

This time, the woman did slap him, growing impatient.

"This is the only place on the map left to search," Bobby responded.

"What are you looking for...?"

He got slapped again.

"What is it with you and not hearing us? I'm asking the questions."

"I-"

Another blow shook his body.

"How do we get into Jackson County?"

Nathan spit again, blood spraying at his feet as he shook off the nausea, trying to keep calm and keep his stomach from turning.

"I- I don't know. Besides the gates..."

"Bullshit. Nothings perfect, and you're a terrible liar. How do we get in, besides the front door, for Christ's sake."

"There _is _no where else. They've been fortifying this place for years, there can't be anywhere else..."

The woman sighed, and anger building on her face that even the bandanna couldn't hide, as she got in his face, literally nose to nose, as she began to yell.

"Lie to me one more time, you yellow-belly piece of _shit!_ I'm through being patient with you and your girlfriend over there."

"I'm serious, _I don't know!" _

The woman exhaled swiftly, before getting to her feet in the same second and grabbing Nathan by the collar, punching him across the jaw as he grunted loudly. She new exactly where to hit.

"How do we get into Jackson?"

"I- I can't... please..."

She hit him again.

"How do we get into Jackson?"

"The front fuckin' doors. There's no where else. No way else..."

She hit him harder with each swing.

"_How do we get into Jackson?"_

"Please... _I don't fucking know."_

The woman spit in his face, turning on her heal as she blew past Bobby, grabbing Rachael by her hair, gaining a painful sob for her efforts.

"Hey," Bobby tried, "relax..."

"Shut the fuck up," she muttered.

The woman decked her in the nose, squirting blood over the floor as she began to sob loudly, her eyes pleading.

"_NO! No, please. _She doesn't deserve this, please! We don't know!"

He began to ramble as the woman beat Rachael, over and over, swelling the whole left side of her face as her sobs grew louder, than softened to a bone-chilling squeal that was barely audible.

Nathan was crying now.

"Stop, please."

She halted, looking down at Rachael, who barely even looked like Rachael anymore, and threw her head from her grasp as she glared at Nathan.

"I want my answers, boy! _Now!"_

Nathan sobbed, unable to speak as the current round he was in had exhausted his air. He breathed in, and let his trembling voice be heard.

"I... I can't tell you..."

"So there is a way in," Bobby asked.

The bandit was teetering on the balls of his feet, looking more and more like a rapid dog as the minutes passed.

"Y-yes, a fault in their security system..."

The woman pushed forward suddenly, getting back in Nathan's face.

"_What?!"_

"I... I..."

_"What fault!"_

The broken boy couldn't respond, as he continued to sob uncontrollably, fearing for his and Rachael's life more than ever. This pissed her off, more so than before, as she turned again to pound on the girl across from him. However, she stopped mid-stride, glancing over to the bucket of water placed by the metal table the bandit was hovering over. She grabbed it by its handle with a swift motion, spilling half its contents on the floor as she flung the rest into Rachael's face, bringing her back from the dazed state between unconsciousness and the real world.

"Drew, grab me the drill."

The bandit grinned broadly and nodded, grabbing a black, rectangular box that had a rusted, darkened label entitled _DeWalt_ on the front, handing it to her. She snapped it open, pulling out a power drill with a long cord that fell to her feet, as she stared at the new tool in her hand, and then back at Nathan, who was still desperately trying to control his emotions.

"Last chance, boy."

He looked up, and horror painted his features suddenly as he began to struggle against his restraints truly for the first time.

"_NO! NO! Don't!"_

The woman took the cord and plugged it into an extension that was already set up along the way, before pulling its trigger.

"Courtesy of Tommy and his electricity."

A mechanical sound filled his ears as he tried to free himself, the drill bit on the end spinning quickly as it intimidated far better than the barrel of a gun ever could. The bit was square in shape, which grooved slightly at the tip, and then formed a sharp tip that gleamed in their supplied light. The woman looked to him again.

"How do we get into Jackson?"

"I... please..."

She started the drill again, and slowly drove it into Rachael's knee cap, who squealed loud enough to break glass as a result. The woman slowly entered the bit into her flesh, bits of skin and bone already creating dust around the opened wound. She squirmed in her seat, crying loudly.

"_Jackson! How do we get into Jackson!"_

"_Stop! Stop it, please!"_

She drove the bit in further, only the metal bar that entered the tool itself visible as Rachael's foot fell limp on her leg, as she screamed, deafening Nathan, begging through the gag in her mouth.

"_JACKSON!"_

_ "Stop! I'll tell you! Please, enough!"_

The woman halted her action, pulling the drill from Rachael's leg as she cried in agony, her face drooping to her chest as she sobbed, her leg slumped nearly dead against the chair as she began to vomit through the cloth in her mouth. Bobby cursed.

"Shit."

He removed it to prevent her choking to death, as the bile squirted on to the floor to mix with Nathan's, her body convulsing as she gritted her teeth, her breaths quick and painful as she trembled.

"N-no more..."

"It's the alarms..." Nathan stated, "That's their strength, yet at the same time their fault. Every week for around half an hour, they shut down the alarms for maintenance. It keeps them in order for whenever an attack would occur. Their next shut down is tomorrow, around noon. Convenient enough for you assholes?"

The bandit laughed, as Bobby looked away disgusted. Rachael looked as if she was slipping away again, as the woman just simply nodded.

"Could of saved us a whole lot of trouble there, boy, if you'd just spoken up."

"Just, just stop. No more, she's had more than enough."

"Oh believe me," the woman continued, looking at the girl she'd just tortured as she trembled in what resembled quite possible a seizure, "I know."

She exhaled again, sharply, as she glanced at Nathan, her golden eyes yet again chasing away his own.

"However, I have yet to believe that that's all you have to tell us."

"Oh my god, no. Please, that's seriously all I know..."

"It's a shame, having to do this to a kid..."

She pulled the trigger on the drill and gestured to the other leg.

"I've got plenty of tools to play with, and plenty of ways to use them. I doubt you want to know what they are..."

"She can't take anymore please. Just... just focus on me, okay?"

"Brave words from the mouth of the kid just balling his eyes out over a few punches. However, you're own resolve won't break from you're own pain, or, not quick enough anyway."

Bobby placed a hand on her shoulder.

"That's enough..."

"I'll decide when it's enough."

"You better hurry, boy," the bandit finally spoke up, "We're about to have some fun with your girl!"

"Don't..."

"Guess you'll learn not to go for a stroll past dark next time, then, huh?"

"She's all I got. Please..."

The woman hurried towards him, grabbing him by the throat, banging the back of his head against the chair, forcing him to see stars.

"You think you're the only one to experience pain like this... to loose someone close to you? Believe me..."

She backed away.

"You're not even a scratch on the surface."

"Please..." he begged.

The drill bit began to spin again, as she lined it up with Rachael's shoulder, who was quietly sobbing still.

"Just a little more information then, boy..."

However, the man off to the side, the bandit smoking away in the corner, not even bothering to give them the time of day, finally reacted. The cigarette butt fell from his fingers, leaving a trail through the air as it hit the ground. The tip of his boot crushed it, twisting back and forth to smoother the last of the small embers, as the second bandit turned, unnoticed initially to the rest of them.

He approached the woman, silently yet menacingly, and reached out, grabbing her arm with the drill, and glaring at her with anger beyond hers ever was, and she stopped cold. The drill bit still spun, but never met flesh this time. They stood there for a matter of seconds, which felt like hours, as Bobby and Drew stood to watch. Everyone was on the edge of their seat.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing."

"Get your hands off me!"

The man shook his head.

"I don't think you have the right to speak to me in such a manner."

His voice was at a normal volume, yet much more intimidating than hers had ever been, even as she screamed.

"Oh yeah. What the fuck do _you _think you're doing. While you're off smoking in the corner, I've been making some progress over..."

"You call this progress," the man stated.

"Why yes, the alarms. We didn't know this an hour ago... but now we do."

"We know they stall for thirty minutes. That doesn't give us much of a window. Plus, this shit is going too far."

"Since when do you care about that?"

"We want them to be able to answer us. We're not here to simply beat them to death."

"It's the only way we get answers."

The man shook his head a second time.

"Back off now, or I'll line you right up alongside them."

The woman laughed.

"Since when do you have authority over me. I'm no fuckin' bandit."

"Yet you're vulnerable, and the other Fireflies are miles off. You've got no leverage, you never did."

She glared back for about five more seconds, before shaking her head. Bobby walked over, however, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't antagonize him. You know what he'll do."

She focused her glare to Bobby, anger building dramatically, before she looked back at the man, who had a calm, yet scary demeanor about him. She shrugged them both off, and dropped the power drill back on the table with a loud clatter.

"Fuck you, Clyde."

"Maybe I'll hold you to that."

She spit at the ground, before walking off to the side where Clyde had once stood. Nathan looked back and forth between the three, before focusing his attention on Rachael, whose gasps had become wheezes. Blood, puss, and vomit mixed to a very odd, watered down greenish red at her feet as she glared down to the floor with a blank expression, broken beyond repair. Nathan began to sob.

Bobby ran his hands through his hair, blowing air out loudly as he clenched his eyes, a little weak in the stomach. Clyde patted him on the shoulder mockingly, before walking over towards Nathan, who was a complete wreck. Looking down at the woman's handy work, he pursed his lips, a little impressed honestly, however agitated that the whole situation had gone south so quickly. This had been to personal for her, dammit. He should of gone with someone else, a stupid mistake he vowed never to repeat. However, she was too damn important.

"What do we do now?"

Bobby's question hang in the air for a good couple seconds before Clyde finally responded, pulling a gun from the holster on his side as he glanced back and forth from Nathan to Rachael. He then looked to Bobby, and gesturing towards the girl.

"Simple. We put the girl out of her misery."

In a simple movement, he placed the barrel of the gun to her head, and fired.

Nathan croaked with misery, guilt racking his conscience as he actually felt a little relief, that she was spared the terrible pain she had to ordeal. However, the man at the head of this scenario turned his attention to him, walking past the lifeless body slumped over in the chair across from him. Rachael's eyes were glazed over, staring straight at him, tears still pecking her pale cheeks.

"You're a monster."

"I prefer the term realist."

Nathan looked up at Clyde, getting a good look at him. He was pretty well built, gray eyes borrowing into his own, a brown, shadowed beard and brown shaggy hair that fell to the bottom of his neck. From one glance, he knew that the man in front of him was complex, indeed.

"The fuck does that mean?"

Nathan's voice trembled with a sob in between every other word. Clyde, on the other hand, calmly cocked an eyebrow.

"It means I look at things with a different mindset than you. I don't poison myself with the... indecent and false promises made by the older men you cling on to. I don't attach myself to somebody that can be lost in an instant. I accept the situation for what it is."

He raised his arms to the warehouse around them for emphasize.

"When you learn how to do that, you find yourself truly adaptable."

"Who are you?"

Clyde raised an eyebrow, before cocking his head to the side thoughtfully.

"Well, it's actually pretty simple," he stated, "I'm a solution. I alter outcomes."

"W- why... why did you do this?"

"Because the greater good demands it. You and your girlfriend... it's nothing personal."

"It feels bloody personal."

"Of course it does."

Clyde crouched to come eye to eye with Nathan, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"This nightmare, this atrocity, it all ends with just a couple of words..."

"I know nothing else. I've told you this."

"The alarms aren't good enough. We need a little bit more."

"I... I..."

Clyde shook his head, as Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He's too afraid of Tommy, Clyde, what will happen when..."

"He isn't afraid of Tommy, Bobby," Clyde stated, glancing up at him, "nobody on this green Earth is anywhere near afraid of that bastard. He's afraid of what we'll do when he tells us."

He looked down at Nathan.

"Boy, you have my word, when you tell me what I wish to know... I'll end this for you, and set you free."

"Why would I want freedom now?"

"Because you long for it. I can tell by the look in your eyes."

"Oh, you can."

Clyde paused for a brief moment.

"I saw it in my son's..."

Nathan stopped, and just looked away, the pain in his chest of grief was eating him alive, a parasite dissolving him away like acid.

"F-fine. T-there's a breach on the west-side of the wall. It's covered in foliage, and blocked by a fallen tree to keep the Infected out. They watch it constantly, but you should be able to get through with a distraction. It's... it's how Rachael and I..."

He began to sob again, truly breaking down as he couldn't even look upward anymore. It hurt too much. Clyde stood, the gun rotating in his hands.

"Thank you, boy. That's all we've been asking for."

Clyde put the gun to Nathan's head, and blew his brains all over the floor behind him, sending his head limp against the chair as he let his final breath out. His eyes watched the heavens, colorless.

"The fuck is wrong with you?"

Bobby walked up to Clyde, the smoking pistol in his grasp warm with the two shots fired, his grip loosened as he clipped on the safety, sliding it home at his side.

"They gave us what we wanted, and you gave your word you'd set him free."

"And indeed I did."

Clyde turned to Bobby, glancing at Drew, who looked disappointed with the overall outcome, and to the woman who stood in the corner, her arms crossed tightly.

"There was nothing to go back to for him, and we both know this."

Bobby shook his head.

"You twisted fuck."

Clyde placed a hand on Bobby's chest, pushing him slightly out of his way as he passed the two dead captives, his boots squeaking in all the residue.

"Drew, grab all this shit and begin to pack, Bobby, get that woman out of my sight, and gather up your group of so called vigilantes. Tomorrow, we're going to invade."

"How?"

"The boy said that there's a breach in the wall. We use this to funnel our people in while they're distracted."

"It sounds like a choke-point."

"That's why we need to be quick about it."

"What's the distraction...?"

Clyde smirked.

"I've already got an idea on what we'll use."

"What of them," Drew questioned.

Clyde glanced at the lovers, motionless. He shook his head.

"Leave 'em. What use are they to us now?"

Drew nodded, before headed off.

"Bobby, we had a deal, and it's time for you to keep your end of the bargain."

"I get a bad vibe trusting you," the woman stated, approaching the two, "I mean, you're a bandit."

"Doesn't mean we're not honorable. We've been trying to get into Jackson for close to a year now, and no such luck. Your reenforcements will do us greatly. In return..."

He paused glancing at the girl with golden eyes.

"The girl is yours."

She nodded.

"What about her protector? Tommy's brother."

Clyde chuckled.

"He's no problem. Just a shell of what was once a man. Leave him to us."

"You sure."

He nodded dryly, confident.

"I've heard they traveled the country together, that he killed many along the way."

"You letting what resembles a legend weaken your resolve, Bobby?"

"No, but..."

"The old man... Joel? We go way back. He's nothing but a ticking time bomb, and I know just how to set it off."

The two nodded, the woman however reluctantly. Drew, on the other hand, came sprinting back, a worried look painting his face.

"Clyde, there's a situation. Drake has taken a group of men to Jackson's gates, along with the woman and children. What should we..."

"Infiltration. It's all apart of the plan. We already have people on their side of the wall."

Drew nodded, and Clyde let out another laugh.

"It'll be amusing to watch. Hell, they're only sheep among wolves..."


	7. A Knock at the Door

**Chapter 7: A Knock at the Door**

* * *

"Joel!"

Ellie called his name as he approached the armory, already drenched through his clothing from the incessant rain that fell around them. She sounded excited to see him, much to his surprise, however what was more odd about it was that she was here at all, instead of back at the hospital in her bed. Joel smiled at her regardless, however was looking for Grant, who happened to be deep inside the heavily armored building. _What the hell was he thinking, bringing her out here?_

"Hey, Ellie."

"Joel, I know what you're thinking, but I'm fine, I can shoot a gun..."

"Ellie, you should be back in bed, where's Grant, anyway..."

"You don't have to worry about her, Joel. She's right as rain, and pretty damn stubborn too."

Joel looked up from Ellie, a hand on her shoulder, as he glanced over to Grant emerging from the armory, a rifle slung over his shoulder and another in his left hand. Grant was a well-built man, stock shoulders, tall. He undoubtedly was military before all of this, and had managed to keep himself in shape all of this time too. His hair was a dirty blonde, shaggy as it fell down into his forehead. Features sharp, and crisp blue eyes, he reminded Joel of a marine. Pretty much summed up his character, as he looked and acted confident. Not only that, the man was a doctor to top it all off, probably some sort of medic.

Joel had known him for the entirety of his time here (after his trip to find the Fireflies, anyway). In that time, he'd grown to like Grant, and even came to respect him, which was a hard thing to earn from him this day and age. However, him standing here with Ellie in the midst of a bandit attack left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Believe me, I know. Why isn't she back in the hospital with you, Grant? She's just gotten over an anxiety attack."

"Joel, frankly, there's nothing more we can do for her. She's healthy as a horse, just a... little tipsy, is all..."

"A little tipsy? And you think it's a good idea to place a gun in her hand?"

Grant cocked an eyebrow.

"Actually, this rifle is for you."

He placed the weapon in Joel's arms, before popping several calibers into his own as he began to pace down towards the gate, his hair had gone from dry to soaked against his neck in the few seconds it took for him to speak. Ellie had her little sidearm in her hands, loading it with a fresh clip as she followed along. Joel, obviously, was not far behind.

"Grant..."

He looked over his shoulder as they walked along.

"Hmm?"

"I just don't feel comfortable with this. It's way too soon. I mean, this just happened this morning."

"I'm sorry, Joel, but Tommy said everyone that could aim a gun. He says something's really fishy about what's happening right now."

Joel stopped Grant with a firm grip on his arm, slightly turning him so he could look the man in the eye. Ellie stopped along with the two of them, a little annoyed as her patience began to fade away. Her adrenaline was making her teeter on the balls of her feet, switching the gun from her left hand to the right at a steady pace.

"Joel, really. I'm okay."

"Ellie, you are not okay. Grant, how could you let her do this. You said yourself that she needed to stay inactive for at least a twenty-four hour period."

"Well, yeah, I did. However, this was before we got a knock on our door. Believe me, bud, I'm with you, but the circumstances..."

"If you're 'with me', then you would've kept her there. If shit hits the fan, and bullets start flying, what if it sparks another attack? Two in one day? That can't be good for somebody her age."

"There's no evidence stating that anything _could_ spark it, Joel. It was just a random occurrence."

"...and what if it happens again while we're up there? What if this kills her?"

Ellie placed a hand on Joel's arm, attempting to reassure him.

"Joel, believe me, I'm okay. I can keep myself in check."

"Ellie, baby girl, I..."

"Joel, she's okay. In a world like this, you can't baby her, and you of all people should know this."

"Me of all people?"

"You know what I mean, Joel. If this is a regular thing, than it poses a risk 24/7. We can't keep her in a bed that whole time, locked away from the outside, despite the dangers. Sometimes ya just gotta role the dice."

"Grant, we're talking about lives here. Not just Ellie's, but others around her."

"She tells me she can do it. I trust her, Joel. She's been knee down in the dirt before, and can definitely handle herself. I truly believe everything will be okay."

Joel looked to Ellie, who was looking up at him with a pleading face (well, her version of a pleading face). Looking back to Grant, who was in the process of turning but still had his eyes on him, an eyebrow raised like before. The two of them remained silent for a moment, awaiting Joel's answer. For Ellie, despite the total of a four second wait, it was a tormentingly long time.

With a sigh, Joel looked back down at Ellie, and gave in to her.

"You sure you are going to be okay up there? Even if things get real?"

"Of course Joel. This isn't my first rodeo."

Joel shook his head. She's been around him a little too much, as it seems.

Giving in, he looked to Grant and then back to Ellie, before stating, "Well, alright then. You better get going.

He didn't sound to sure of himself, but that was all Ellie needed before she was already trotting through the rain towards the gates. Grant, still giving Joel an amused face, started to laugh. This caught Joel's full attention, as he gave the man a look.

"What?"

Grant looked back at him, before shaking his head again and chuckling to himself. It visibly agitated Joel.

_"What?"_

"Nothing. It's just been a while since I've seen somebody care that much for another human being. It's surprising at times."

"Well, this world sure has a damn good track record at surprising me, so you're not stating anything I haven't heard before."

"Yep."

The two followed Ellie's tracks in a haste, the rifles strung over their shoulders by the straps as they picked their pace up to a sprint, Joel's boots splashing mud up his pants as he pushed through the undying weather. A hand over his face, providing himself a natural shield from the precipitation, he reached Tommy and Maria, as men began to pull themselves up into the watch towers that surrounded the front entrance. Apparently, their enemy were standing on the other side.

Just a metal barrier between them and bloodshed.

"What's the situation, Tommy," Grant asked.

Tommy, ignoring his big brother, pointed up towards the gate.

"About ten armed men stand on the other side of this gate, armed to the teeth and apparently ready to blow the head off of anybody who gives them a nasty look."

"Sounds like child's play," another man, Eddie, stated as he approached the group.

Joel looked from their little cluster as Ellie joined another man, walking up the metal flight of stairs to a good position for shooting. He gave her a rifle that leaned against the railing for whoever decided to pick it up, much to her glee. She was ready to kick some ass.

"Well, that's not the sketchy part about it," Tommy continued. "They brought some guests with them."

Grant looked confused.

"Guests?"

Maria nodded this time.

"A group of women and children are with them, all bunched up in the middle," she answered. "We don't know if their hostages the bandits are using as some sort of bargaining chip, or something else entirely."

"Sounds pretty much like fuckin' hostages to me," somebody else over Joel's shoulder stated.

"We don't know that, yet. Stay on your toes, gentlemen, this could get interesting."

Tommy called over the storm as the winds picked up, throwing locks of his hair over his face. This was indeed going to keep things interesting, that was for sure. He was hoping that the damned winds didn't swipe his rifle from his hand, as Joel had no idea how to react to such a ridiculous situation. Good thing they invented straps.

"What do we do if they start shooting," Grant asked.

"...and the people they brought with them are still standing?"

Grant nodded.

Tommy thought it over for a second, his glance focused on something in the distance, before looking back at Grant and simply giving a shrug.

"We improvise. It's gotten us this far, I can't see it failing us this time around."

"Hope your right, brother," Joel chimed in.

"Would you be surprised if I was?"

"With your outlook on this world, maybe."

Tommy was already agitated from before, and even his ability to mask the fact was unable to hid it at this point. One word was all it took with the tension in between the two brothers.

"Joel, for fuck's sake, shut your fuckin' mouth for once."

"Since when do you have the right to push me around?"

"Considering I run this settlement. Did that factor run through your thick skull yet?"

Maria walked over to stand in between them, a look of disapproval working like knives on their skin.

"Are you two for real? Right now?"

Tommy waved a hand at Joel.

"This bastard's driving me to my final nerve."

"Yeah, whine to your wife, Tommy. That's real leadership right there," Joel stated, before giving him a false thumbs up.

Tommy advanced, as Joel steadied himself. Maria, however, was in between the two before either had a chance to retaliate.

"I swear to Christ, you two are like little kids. Can you just calm the hell down for a few minutes so we can sort out the _real problem_ at hand."

"Maria, you don't know..."

"I don't, Tommy. Personally, I don't give a shit. Right now, however, there is a pressing matter and you two are bantering like school girls."

Grant chuckled, and Joel cocked an eyebrow at Maria.

"She's right, Joel. Sure you can't keep the dam from breaking until later?"

"Oh haha. Fuck you, Tommy."

Grant was laughing now.

"You two are unbelievable," Maria declared.

Tommy turned on his heal, but not before giving his brother the bird. Joel spit on the ground, before returning the same gesture back to him. God help whoever had to live with these two beforehand.

* * *

Tommy was right about one thing, and that was how the situation was a bit odd to look at. Joel was up on the catwalk minutes later, right next to Ellie as expected, Grant on her other hip. Each held a rifle which was positioned on the guardrail, giving a bit of leverage should they ever have to fire, that way recoil wouldn't be a legitimate issue. Ellie was focused, much to Joel's surprise, as she clenched one eye shut, her right open as she stared down the iron sights. Why didn't they have scopes, again?

Joel places a hand on her shoulder, whispering in her ear.

"Remember Ellie. Both eyes open."

It was funny, because this advice had been said in a movie before (Joel couldn't remember which), but from experience, he'd learned that it couldn't be more accurate. It gave more peripheral vision, and a wider view on the surrounding area.

"Both eyes, open. Okay."

Ellie opened her other eye, staring down the sights with both emerald pools as she steadied herself a second time.

Below them were the bandits that had arrived at their door. There were probably ten or fifteen of them, armed with shotguns and pistols. Not much use long range, but they'd put a hole in Jackson if they tried. They knew it, Joel knew it, and Jackson itself knew it. This went without saying, however, as they stood straight with confidence. Joel lined up his own sights to the head of the nearest of the bastards. The second he moved in a suspicious direction, his brains would be splattered against the other's chest, and then so on and so forth.

Joel clicked the safety off, as he heard Ellie and Grant do the same, squinting as he rested his pointer finger lightly against the trigger. All it took was one simple flinch, and death would reign upon the men down below. It almost felt like he was playing God. It was his choice whether the man would live or die, and the man's choice whether or not to convey Joel's choice to the latter's direction.

The odd part about this whole situation was obviously the hostages, or who they'd previously presumed to be hostages. The woman and children were bunched up in the center, clutching each other in groups Joel assumed to be families. These fuckers were crafty, no matter the purpose of the people they'd dragged with them. It made Joel uneasy. Bandits usually charged in without a second thought (he'd be one to know), which made them almost as predictable as the Infected from his point of view. This was new, yet strangely familiar at the same time.

Tommy, being the "leader of the settlement", was the one to approach them. The iron gates opened with a loud screech that filled the stormy air, leaving an impression in the mud underneath. Joel's little brother walked through once they were open enough to fit a single person through, but they were halted at that specific position. Good thinking, there, Tommy. Joel pursed his lips, concentrating. All it took was one simple flinch.

Tommy, below, walked with a rifle in hand and a revolver at his belt, staring down the bandit that stood ahead of the pack at their door. He stood about as tall as Tommy, his black hair cut short yet messy and filthy at the same time. Only half groomed. His thick eyebrows and blue eyes contrasted a bit, as his sharp nose seemed like something that could poke holes in paper. The bandit licked his thin lips, a little nervous visually, but nothing convincing to Tommy. God, it could be just an act, for all he knew.

Tommy got close to the bandit, but not to the point to where he was in arm's reach. Just a little further than that. The safety was off on his rifle, and the same could be said with his revolver, despite its nestled position in the holster. He felt naked, still, feeling that if this bastard decided to play dirty, he'd be the first to fall out of anybody. He pulled his thoughts from any distractions and focused on the thin lipped bandit in front of him.

"So who are you, then?"

The bandit raised his eyebrows, his mouth open slightly.

"Drake... and you?"

Tommy chuckled despite himself, and shook his head.

"Doesn't really matter to you."

The bandit licked his lips again.

"Figured you'd be that way. Can't be too careful, right Tommy?"

Tommy raised an eyebrow, a bit set off balance by the bandit's knowledge, and Joel almost actually fired a shot at his answer.

"So you know me, huh?"

"Hell, the boss knows the lot of ya well. Especially your big brother up there."

The bandit looked right at Joel.

"Hows it goin' up there, Joel?"

"Fine, and you," he replied sarcastically.

The bandit laughed.

"Supercalafragilistic."

"Funny guy, eh?"

"I'd like to think so."

Tommy saw that he and the bandit weren't really getting anywhere at the moment, and could tell by the atmosphere the men and women at his back were giving that they were growing impatient. Didn't take long for that, huh?

"What's your business here, Drake?"

Drake looked around, making note of every person stationed above him.

"That can't be all of them, can it."

"Believe me, it ain't."

Drake feigned surprise, before looking back to his comrades and the "hostages". Shaking his head, he looked back at Tommy.

"Well, it's your lucky day, Tom. We aren't in pursuit of bloodshed."

"What are you looking for, then?"

"Well, this settlement, for one."

Tommy shrugged.

"I don't follow."

Drake gestured towards the people behind him with a motion of his head, before grinning sadistically, still licking his lips. This guy wasn't to be trifled with.

"I'll cut to the chase, Tomboy. We come from a community, much like yours as a matter of fact, a couple of miles north from here. As you can probably guess, we're running low on supplies and food, so we've had to resort to more... desperate measures."

"Oh, I could guess what you mean by that."

"Believe me, it's a bit more complicated than that."

"Since when was it complicated with bandits."

"It's always been complicated with bandits. Your brother of all people should know that..."

Drake turned to look to Joel again, shouting towards him.

"That right, Joel?"

He merely grunted.

"How in God's name do you know so much about us."

"My boss is an old accomplice of the big man up there. Just ask him about somebody named Clyde, and a light bulb will go off above his head, trust me.

"Whatever. What are you here for?"

Drake rubbed his chin with is thumb and forefinger.

"Well... as I said, we're not looking for blood. If we were, it of been spilt by now. Anyhow... what me and my fellow 'bandits' are looking for is refuge for the group of people we have here..."

He gestured towards the women and children, holding his hand out as if showing off an exhibit. What an interesting fellow this guy was.

"We don't really have enough to support everyone back at our own community, so we're requesting that you take a few people off our hands."

Tommy looked at Drake, a bit disgusted.

"So you're just dumping a portion of your population off at some random settlement without any knowledge of the on goings there? What kind of sick joke is this?"

"Tommy, my boy, you seem to be a slow learner, so I'll catch you up. I already said that the boss knows you, along with the big man up there. Another thing is that this is just temporary. We only need them out of our hair until we can account for what we lost in a recent raid. Once we've recovered what is ours, we will return to reclaim them, and then you'll never see any of these people again."

Tommy looked behind him to the people above. Joel was shaking his head, as Ellie stood stationary, not really conveying an opinion. Maria, on the other hand, gestured him up with her to discuss the matter. He looked back to Drake, conveying more questions.

"How long would this be?"

"Only a few days."

Tommy snorted.

"That's a hell of a short period for giving up these people."

"Every second counts, Tomboy."

Shaking his head, he looked back to Joel, and then Maria, and then Ellie, before sighing and glancing over at Drake.

"Give me a minute."

Drake nodded.

"Take your time."

Tommy turned on his heal and walked back to the gates, which shut behind him. Joel and Maria left their posts and trotted down the stairs to meet him, each with a quizzical look on their face. Tommy looked to each for about a period of five seconds, before speaking up softly.

"What do we do here?"

"We send them on their way, isn't that the obvious fuckin' choice?"

"Not necessarily," Maria responded.

"The hell you mean 'not necessarily'."

He was rewarded with a dirty look.

"Look, Joel. If we turn them away, we are possibly turning away any help we may need in the future."

"Oh, for God's sake, Maria."

"It's the truth, Joel."

"We can't afford that risk. We don't know these people, they could be fuckin' cannibals for all we know."

Thankfully, Ellie was out of earshot for that one.

"Maybe not..."

"'Desperate measures'? What the hell do you think that means, Maria?"

"It could mean anything. You're right, we don't know these people. We should take a risk, though. I mean, it could be greatly beneficial in the future."

"...and if it isn't?"

"Then, fuck, Joel. At least we still have a conscience."

"I haven't had one for years, Maria."

"Yeah, and look at you."

Shaking his head, Joel snorted and looked to the sky, trying to keep his cool.

"What do you think, Tommy," Maria questioned.

He followed Joel's gaze to the sky, still dark and still raging, as he bit his lip in deep thought. Each option had the potential to be greatly beneficial or crippling to Jackson. It was a risk no matter what road they went down. If they turned them away, and they found themselves in their position later on, then what? They wouldn't be able to ask them of anything. However, if they let them in, and they intended harm on Jackson, well, it was self-explanatory then.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Tommy sighed and eventually looked to Maria, his mind made up surprisingly quickly.

"I agree. We let them in."

Joel looked to his little brother in awe.

"You serious?"

"I am."

"Tommy, don't do this just to spite me. We're talking about lives here."

"This doesn't have anything to do with _you _or _me_, Joel. We have plenty to go around and you know this. Why not let them in?"

"They're strangers, Tommy! We _don't know them_."

"Yeah, and right now, I don't know you. Does that mean I should cast you out too."

Joel didn't respond, staring his brother down as his anger was beginning to build again. They couldn't be going through with this. _They couldn't be fucking going through with this_.

"Here's what we're going to do. We let them in, shelter them, and feed them until Drake and his buddies return. It may sound stupid on paper, but it'll benefit us in the long run. Winter is coming, and it's coming hard, so having more people on our side will be the factor that keeps us alive. Am I clear on that Joel."

"No, but I'm done arguing with you."

"Good. That's all I needed to hear."

The three separated, Joel and Maria returning to their positions as the doors began to slide open, the metal on metal scree cutting like knives against everyone's ears. As they did so, Joel stopped right alongside Ellie, who raised an eyebrow at him.

"So, are they letting them in."

Joel groaned, before shaking his head probably the fiftieth time that afternoon.

"Looks that way."

Ellie pursed her lips, before nodding to herself.

"It could help us..."

"No, it's gonna kill us."

"You don't know that."

"...and how do you know it'll be beneficial?"

Ellie thought about it for a moment, before shrugging.

"I guess I don't."

"Right."

Tommy walked back out through the gates, approaching Drake a second time, before giving him the thumbs up. Drake smiled like the wild man he portrayed himself as.

"Good to know some of you people still have souls."

Joel sensed sarcasm in his voice, but just let it go. It was a losing fight to begin with. As Tommy and a few others that had left their positions on the catwalk approached them, Joel remained above with Ellie, watching the strange men and women walk into the community.

"Dammit, Tommy. This better be the right decision."


	8. On Our Knees

**A/N: Oh my God! Two chapters in one week? Hell must've frozen over! **

**I gotta say, I feel pretty bad leaving this story hanging again for such a period of time, so over the past week, I really bunkered down and got to work. At the same time, I found the passion towards writing (well, rediscovered) again after losing it for a bit due to all the shit involving school and other personal means. It feels great to be in front of Word again, typing away. Also, I think (and hope) that I'll be updating a lot more swiftly and quickly now, so this shouldn't end up buried like last time. Thank you guys _so_ much for sticking with me. I don't think I lost anybody in terms of follows or favorites during my third hiatus, and that's amazing. You're all the greatest, and I wish I could give more.**

**(Copyright: The lyrics of the song mentioned in this chapter are from _Future Days_ by Pearl Jam, which was the song Joel sang to Ellie in the epilogue that Troy Baker and Ashley Johnson acted out for an audience. Just a little fun fact, and all rights obviously belong to Pearl Jam.)**

**Another thing, to all who celebrate it, Merry Christmas! :D**

* * *

**Chapter 8: On Our Knees**

* * *

"Tommy, what the hell are you thinking?"

Joel followed Tommy swiftly into the tower, the two finally finding relief from the constant downpour outside, as his little brother placed the rifle on the side wall, the barrel leaning out. Placing a hand on the side sill of their window, he watched as Maria among others guided the civilians into Jackson, some with thankful and relieved looks on their faces, others unable to tear their gaze from the mud at their feet. There were more than he initially thought from his point of view, but it wasn't anything they couldn't handle. This may be the step they needed to take to make it through the winter so rapidly approaching. His brother had other thoughts, however.

He kept his back to Joel, not wanting anymore conflict with him. They'd just hashed it out nearly an hour ago, and he was coming back for more. Tommy was tired, tired of the circumstances they'd been given, and tired of Joel. His inability to escape his shell and look out for others, with the exception of that one girl, was making Tommy sick to his stomach. They had an opportunity to live, not just survive. Joel would never see it that way. He would never be able to live again. Sure, he'd been dealt one hell of a shitty hand, but what he seems to forget is that Tommy also lost somebody that morning.

"Tommy?"

He shook his head, gritting his teeth as his patience for his big brother was wearing extremely thin. They were both on mighty thin ice.

"What did you expect me to do, Joel? Just simply turn them away?"

"Tommy, your a leader of men, here. You can't just give in to everybody. Sacrifices need to be made here for the good of Jackson and everybody else who resides here."

Tommy turned to face him.

"Don't tell me how to do my fuckin' job, Joel. I know what I'm doing."

"Look down there, Tommy. What if this is some kind of ruse? We just let a group of strangers into our _home_! What if they mean to attack us?"

"What the hell is a few families going to do, huh? They couldn't do enough damage to truly cripple us if they tried..."

"Lives would be lost."

"Joel, if we turned them away, they would've undoubtedly died. I made a call, and that's what we're going with."

Joel noticed that this was the same tower they'd been in hours ago, where he'd told Tommy his lie. They were right back where they'd started, and it made Joel wince. Shaking the thought to the side, he snorted and looked out to the people down below. Ellie was among the others helping them to the mess hall, where Tommy and Maria planned to feed them. Feed them _their _hard earned food.

"Was it the right call?"

"Morally, yes. It was."

"Tommy, morality's been shattered to fuckin' pieces for years."

Tommy chuckled, shaking his head with honest to God disgust.

"You just can't move on, can ya Joel?"

Joel looked to his brother.

"What do you mean?"

"We can live here, Joel. I mean _live_. Not just survive. We don't have to make those difficult choices anymore."

"What of those people out there, still surviving. They'd do anything to get their hands on this settlement, even throw their women and children in the fire to get it."

"...but you don't know that."

"I have the right to be suspicious."

"Then be suspicious, Joel. That's about all your good for, anymore."

Joel glared at Tommy, his full attention now on him and away from the people below.

"What in the fuckin' hell does that mean, Tommy?"

Tommy kept his cool this time around, but was blunt and cold with his next statements.

"Look at you, Joel, standing here, accusing _me _of making a hard decision, quite possibly screwing us all over. I get your concern, but you have some nerve."

"I don't follow..."

"Of course you don't. Joel, so let me elaborate. You just came back with an emotionally scarred girl, who you've lied to for the past year to hide what _you _truly did back in Salt Lake City, and then you try to lie to _me_, of all people. _Your brother_. Now, you're standing here telling me that I can't make the call that could possibly save the lives not just of these people," Tommy ranted, jabbing a finger at the crowd, "but the lives of everybody else."

Joel looked out to the horizon, anger on his face. His relationship with his brother was shattering, and it was a damn shame. They stood on complete opposite sides, and he could never see them agreeing on anything anymore.

"How does this help us?"

"If we help them, then who knows? They could help us in return?"

"Jesus Christ, Tommy. How ignorant could you be?"

"It's a gamble, yes, however a necessary one."

"If they don't aim to kill us... I'll abide by your theory for a second," Joel continued. "If they don't aim to kill us, whose to say they'll help us? This could be the last we ever see of them."

"You can't shut your doors on everyone, Joel."

Joel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Tommy was looking out into the horizon where the open world lay, waiting to consume the next unlucky soul who ventured out there.

Maria jogged up the stairway, entering the tower, her rifle strung by the strap over her shoulder, as she looked to the two brothers, running a hand through her soaked blonde hair. She looked exhausted.

"They're all headed to the mess hall. We'll fill their bellies and then give them a place to rest. I think they need it, Tommy."

"They look like walking skeletons. I don't even think the Infected would have anything to do with them."

Joel looked to the two of them, still in disbelief.

"So you let Ellie go with them?"

"She's safe, Joel. Grant's with her."

"...and if they lash out?"

"Then we handle it, Joel. I understand your concern, however..."

"It's a wonder Jackson is still standing, with the two of you pulling this shit."

"Joel, why would a bunch of women and children lash out at us," Tommy questioned.

"Infiltration, maybe."

"Your just plucking at straws, now."

"None of you are a bit wry on how they knew us? Knew out names?"

Tommy was once again looking out to the sky.

"That man looked right at me, and knew my name. How in the fuckin' hell did that happen?"

"Joel," Maria began, "they have a community of their own not too far up the mountain from here. We've had exchanges before, and Tommy had been involved."

"Okay, fine. How do they know _me?_"

"You may of been mentioned."

Joel snorted, shaking his head.

"This is fuckin' stupid."

"I guess we'll have to wait to find out then, huh," Tommy stated.

It went through one ear and out the other with Joel, as he had his back on the two of them and was walking down the staircase to find Ellie. The man hadn't changed much in the past year.

Tommy snorted himself, rubbing his eyes as he sat in his chair, slightly knocking the rifle with his boot.

"Tommy..."

"Maria, I don't want to hear it."

"What's gotten into the two of you, lately. This isn't the first day you've been at each other's throats."

"He's unable to adapt, Maria. He's got it set in his head that the world has to be bad, that everybody has evil intentions. He's too paranoid, and it's going to kill him and the rest of us if we let it."

"You know that's a bit of an exaggeration."

"Whatever, look, he hasn't told you of what happened back in Salt Lake City. Of why Ellie is the way she is."

Maria sat down in the opposite chair from Tommy, following his gaze into the wilderness, her thoughts going wild just at the view. Lord only knew what awaited them out there.

"It's none of my business, Tommy."

"They raped her, Maria."

She looked at him, her face suddenly painted with shock.

"What?"

"These hunters, or cannibals as Joel described them, got their hands on Ellie. Apparently, she had to kill one of them, and it just went bad from there."

Maria hesitated, unable to think of what to say initially. A brief silence interrupted them as the revelation sat still in the air above them.

"That poor girl."

"That's not the worst part of it, Maria."

She looked to him, her eyebrows raised.

"How could there be anything else?"

"Joel's been lying to her. To us. Apparently they found the Fireflies, but when they did..."

He shook his head, looking outward as he bit his lip, clenching his eyes shut, trying to hold his anger off in front of his wife. She disregarded her original statement and looked at him with pleading eyes, wishing to know what he meant by that accusatory statement.

"What on Earth do you mean?"

"When they got there, apparently Ellie'd been hurt, or something along those lines. She was unconscious, and Marlene had taken her off his hands. He didn't find out until he had come to also..."

"Found out?"

Tommy paused, hesitant on whether or not he should tell her. Sighing deeply, he looked back at her with conflicted eyes.

"In order for the cure to work, they needed samples of the infection from the tissue of her brain. Obviously, she wasn't going to survive the procedure."

Maria's resulting look was torturous to Tommy. Why was he sharing this burden with her? She had so much more to worry about than something like this. It wasn't right. Plus, if this spread, and Ellie found out herself...

"So, I'm guessing when Joel found out..."

"He went nuts, Maria. Killed nearly every last one of them, Marlene included."

A silence fell over them. In just a few brief words, the truth that had been shared hit like a brick to the face. Tommy had a hand on his forehead, a migraine pounding against his skull as Maria looked even more exhausted. The incessant rain drummed on the roof, the only sound that filled their ears as everybody else was long gone. Drake and his comrades had departed quite some time ago, so there was that. Tommy just cursed the air, wondering why everything was so damn complicated.

"So Ellie doesn't know?"

"No, she doesn't."

"What is Joel telling her."

"That it was a failure from the start. How there are more like her, and how a cure isn't in the cards anymore... how the Fireflies had given up."

Maria bit her lip, unsure how to respond to such news. Each side had reasoning, and each side had flaws. She didn't know who she could deem right or wrong.

"Tommy..."

"How could he do this? Not just lie to her like she's just some ignorant teenager, but lie to his own fuckin' brother."

"Tommy..."

"I mean, how dare he think he can do this. It wasn't his choice to make, or his right to step in! This wasn't his business, even! What on fuckin' Earth was he thinking..."

"Tommy, please..."

He looked at Maria.

"What?"

She placed a hand on Tommy's, looking him dead in the eye.

"Tommy... as his brother, can't you see where he's coming from?"

"What do you... oh no."

"Tommy..."

"Fuck no! Maria, don't you fucking tell me you agree with him."

"Tommy, what he did was rash, I get that. He shouldn't have killed all of those people. However, he did it for Ellie."

"Maria, he did it for himself. He didn't want to loose another daughter."

"Can you blame him?"

"No, I... I can't, but..."

"Tommy, he did what he did for Ellie," she restated. "I can tell by the way he looks at her... he would give the world up for her."

"Well, technically, he did."

"You don't know that."

Tommy looked away, shaking his head and staring off into space again, thinking of what to say to all of this. A few seconds passed before he did say something.

"Why would he lie about it, though?"

"Think about it, Tommy. He's protecting her."

"Why lie to me?"

"...because he knows you, Tommy. He knew you would be this way. He probably thought it better to just bury the truth deep with in himself. What choice did he have?"

"Look at what that's doing, though. Ellie is on her knees because of what she's been through, and Joel can't even look me in the eye anymore. It's almost safe to say that they never came back."

There was another pause, as the weight of his words hung true.

"You may not agree with what he did," Maria continued. "To a degree, I don't either. However, if what you say is true, it doesn't sound like she had a choice in the matter. He acted. He made a call."

_Made a call_.

Tommy had just used that same argument against Joel, and now he found it being flipped back around on him. Despite the anger that welled inside his gut, he found himself agreeing with Maria. She had one hell of a point.

"I just hate it when he lies to me."

"We all hate lies, Tommy. Although sometimes... sometimes they help."

"What do I do, though?"

"You need to be there for him. Your his brother, and you've known him the longest out of all of us. Joel needs somebody on his side, for better or for worse."

Tommy exhaled deeply, rubbing his worn eyes as his inner conflict was beginning to draw to a long deserved close. Coughing, he looked back out to the foliage, where Joel and Ellie had come from. That hell had changed the two of them, _for better or for worse_, and then he agreed. Joel needed somebody. Maybe that's all it took.

_I lost my fuckin' brother._

His words rang through his head like an echo that stretched on through the open world.

_You survived because of me._

_ It wasn't worth it._

Rubbing his hands through his hair, Tommy nodded to himself and to Maria, realizing the importance of the decision he was making.

"You're right, Maria. Thank you."

She grinned at him, patting his hand as she stood, her rifle still strung over her shoulder.

"Great. Hey, I need to get back there, so..."

"Yep. Hey, tell Ellie everything's good."

"I will."

She kissed Tommy, embracing him as she honestly wished the moment could last a bit longer, before smiling at him and turning to head back to the mess hall. Tommy himself sighed, hands on his knees, his eyes closed as he thought over what he'd tell Joel. Boy, was this shit getting too complicated for him.

* * *

The evening finally came after that long day, the rain coming to a standstill as the soaked ground still squeaked underfoot. The sun set, the darkened sky almost a canvas as it was specked with the many stars out there, as the clouds totally dissipated. Joel was a bit relieved to be out of the storm, as he walked home on his own, hoping to find Ellie there. Still in a bit of disbelief by his brother's decision, he decided to put it to the side for now. Hell, they'd be able to handle a few bandits, wouldn't they? They'd done it before.

All the houses of Jackson light up almost in sync, giving him a bit of a guidance as he paced the streets. This settlement, this community, it gave him an overwhelming sense of nostalgia, one that he'd swore he'd never feel again. Sure, Boston was something, but nothing like this. He didn't let his thoughts travel any further regarding Boston, or Tess. However, he looked over to see a legitimate Christmas tree in the living room of their next door neighbor, witnessing the family hanging ornaments. He felt a cozy warm feeling fill his soul, grinning to himself. It was his favorite time of year.

Thinking of how he needed to find him and Ellie a Christmas tree, he approached the door and fished for his keys. The light was on in the upper room where he and Ellie slept, so she was thankfully home. Once inside, the door closing behind him, Joel literally slumped against the wall with a big sigh, his eyelids drooping a tad, almost to the point to where it could be considered exercise trying to keep them open.

A sound filled the air that surprised Joel in a way, as he looked up their flight of stairs to find the origin.

It was a guitar.

Albeit rusty, it sounded pretty damn impressive, and Joel shuffled up the stairs to find exactly what he expected, which resulted in a huge smile on his bearded face. Ellie was in a chair, his guitar resting in her lap, a pick in her hands, as she attempted music on the instrument. Each pluck was a bit shaky, but she was definitely improving. He could remember her first try, which resulted in a destroyed string and embarrassment from her. It made him chuckle every time he thought of it.

"Hey there, baby girl."

"Hey, Joel."

A chair in his hand, he pulled himself up alongside her, resting as he watched her play. The melody had a sad tune to it, filling his ears and slightly affecting his emotions. Music had a powerful influence on him, as it always had. Since he was in diapers.

_God, how long ago was that?_

"When dinosaurs roamed the Earth, Joel," Ellie would say.

Joel nearly immediately picked up on the song. It was _Future Days _by Pearl Jam, and his grin grew wider. How in the hell did this girl know of that one?

"Look at you, Ellie. I didn't know you even knew of Pearl Jam."

"I've been known to surprise people," Ellie said with a smirk.

Still attempting to pluck at the string, she messed up on a note, playing a C sharp when it was meant to be minor, and cursed at the air.

"Dammit, I always miss that part."

"You're doing good, girl. Keep at it."

She did, continuing a few notes back, however still playing the sharp. She found her fingers slipping at that one portion, and simply rolled her eyes at herself, slumping back in the chair as she wiped sweat from her brow. She'd been at it for a while, it seems.

"Ah, fuck me. Why is this so difficult!"

"It's an instrument. It's not meant to be easy. That's the joyful part of it."

"How long did it take you to learn this, Joel?"

He sat there for a minute, pursing his lips. The ceiling fan filled the comfortable silence that resulted. He looked back to her, his smile returning.

"Believe me, Ellie. It took me quite a few years."

"Really? When I hear you, you sound pretty good."

"That's because I've practiced, for a good long while."

She grinned.

"Oh yeah, I know."

Joel playfully snorted.

"You know, Ellie, I ain't that old."

"Pushing fifty is pretty old, Joel."

"_Middle-aged._ There's a difference..."

"Well, coming from a fifteen year old, that's pretty old."

"Whatever."

Ellie laughed to herself, as Joel grinned at her. It was good seeing her like this, despite what was coming tomorrow. It still displayed on her face, the sadness, especially when the laughter came to its end. It was almost like it had become the default emotion on her face, even when she was anything but. Joel rubbed his nose, wondering if he should say something on the matter.

"So..."

"Yeah, Joel. Tomorrow's the day."

Tomorrow was a painful day for the both of them, considering the coincidence that the birthday of their loved ones fell on that exact date. December 7th. The worst part was Joel forcing the emotions back himself, while watching Ellie drift away for a twenty four hour period (more than usual). He had to save the crying and the drinking for after she was fast asleep later that night.

"Look. Why don't you and I go out for a little tomorrow, distract our minds. What do you say?"

"You mean, around town, or like, outside...?"

"I mean outside."

Her interest was peaked.

"Wow. That's a bit unlike you to suggest something like that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you've grown a bit more cautious in your old age."

Joel shook his head at the other crack at his age.

"Oh, ha ha."

Ellie was chuckling again. It was very short lived, however.

"What would we do?"

"Hunt. We're going to need all the food we can get our hands on with our guests, so why not?"

She thought about it for a second, and then nodded to him.

"Okay. Sounds fun."

He grinned, rubbing her shoulder, as she took another crack at the guitar. Starting fresh, she made it a pretty good ways, before succumbing to the same note a third time.

"Oh, son of a bitch!"

Joel was snickering.

"You almost got it."

"Doesn't sound like it to me."

"Here, let me take a look."

Taking the guitar from her, he sat it on his lap and took the pick in his hand. He looked at her, her sad yet beautiful face, and smiled to himself. She was just like Sarah. Setting his fingers up on the board, placing the pick against the strings, he made a decision. Ellie hadn't heard him sing yet, had she. Hell, it was almost Christmas, and he was in a surprisingly good mood, so how 'bout an early present.

Clearing his throat, he took over for her, her face displaying shock as he began the song. Strumming the notes, his singing voice took over.

"_If I ever were to lose you, I'd surely lose myself. Everything I have found here, I'd not found myself. Try and sometimes you'll succeed, to make this man out of me..."_

Ellie's jaw was literally dropped, as she watched her guardian sing to her for the first time ever. How many times had she asked him, again?

"Oh my God, Joel..."

He continued.

_"Back when I was feeling broken, I focused on a prayer. You came deep as any ocean. Did something out there hear. All the complexities and games. No one wins, but somehow, they still play. All the missing crooked hearts. They may die, but in us they live on..."_

Joel kept on, his singing soothing, yet deep and emotional. It held something behind it, a pain, yet a reassurance. It was everything it wasn't, indescribable, as it filled Ellie's ears, blowing her mind away like sawdust. She felt tears specking her vision, until she was all out crying. She bit her lip, Joel's face blurring away as she felt herself fighting something that was inevitably going to win. It meant something to him, and it meant something to her, and the fact that somebody cared so much wrenched her gut and pulled at her heart. Putting a hand over her mouth, biting into the flesh of her hand as she tried to force sobs back, Joel kept singing.

"_So persistent in my ways, hey angel, I am here to stay. No resistance, no alarms, please this is just too good to be gone..."_

The lyrics of the song matched their story so well, it was almost as if it'd been written for them. A love letter from Joel to Ellie, as he placed an emphasize on each word as if he meant it for her and her alone. It was their song, almost, and it teared her up more as her thoughts raced. Grinning, yet crying, she wrapped an arm around Joel's. He went on.

"_I believe, and I believe 'cause I can see, our future days, days of you and me, you and me, it's you and me."_

Ellie was sobbing now. She couldn't help it. It was as if the pent up emotion from the morning before, leading up to now, when she held the guitar in her hands, in an attempt to impress Joel, it was all being released. Joel finished, the last note on the guitar ringing in both their ears, as he noticing Ellie. He embraced her tightly, a bit shocked at her reaction.

"Oh, baby girl. It's okay, it's okay."

She buried her head in his chest, soaking his shirt as she cried on, wrapping her own arms around his waist. She didn't feel weak, as she had all the times before. She felt empowered, free, almost. Each word, to the t, had described her whole journey. With Joel and Tess. With Sam and Henry. With Riley...

Attempting to talk through her sobs, she said, "_That was beautiful..."_

He laughed, holding her tight.

"It was nothing, Ellie. It was just a song."

"It's our song, Joel. Didn't you hear?"

He smiled, holding her tighter, and let her cry herself dry. Rubbing her back, he shut his eyes, thinking back to Sarah, how he would bring her to tears. Initially, he thought he was _that_ bad. However, it dawned on him what it meant. He had his fingers in Ellie's red hair, rubbing each strand as if it was a precious treasure that would be destroyed at any sign of force. Her sobbing went on, but it displayed happiness, something that had been absent for so long. After a few moments, he felt his own eyes growing moist.

However, after a few moments, her breathing became a bit exaggerated, as her crying went on. It was beginning to sound forced, almost, as if it were becoming harder and harder to come to her. It cut off near the end of its exhale, before cutting back to the midst of it. Her grip on his shirt was tighter, all of the sudden, as Joel's attention went from memories of Sarah to the immediate situation he saw in front of him. Ellie couldn't breathe.

Damn, was he squeezing her that tight. Releasing her, she still clutched tightly to him, her breathing becoming more and more forced and even to the point to where it sounded painful. He placed his hands on her shoulders, trying to figure out what in the hell was happening. She was beginning to shake. That's when he grew truly concerned.

"Ellie. Ellie, what's wrong? Relax, what's wrong?

"J...J... J-J-J-Joel..."

Shit, this was a panic attack, and bad one at that. Her fingers trembled as she lost her grip on his shirt, almost falling flat on her back as she hyperventilated. Joel had his hands firm to her shoulders, trying to hold her still.

"Ellie! Ellie, it's okay! It's okay, everything's fine!"

The words were going right over her head, her eyes clenched shut. She trembled like an earthquake, tears falling from her cheeks faster than any fit of cries could have ever produced. Joel, almost in a state of panic himself, lied her down on the mattress and placed himself next to her, trying to calm her down in anyway he knew how.

Joel had never had to deal with this with Sarah, and was highly unaware of how to deal with it now. She had a death grip on the sheets, in the middle of crying and what could be considered screaming. Joel wrapped his arms around her shoulders, keeping her arms from spasming out any further to where she could harm herself. Holding on to her tight, he felt her fight against him, trying to peal herself away. Her screams and cries filled the room with terrible echoes, which terrified Joel to death.

"_Ellie! Ellie, calm down! Listen to me, everything's okay!"_

He tried to keep his voice above her screams, but it was a failing task. God, should he go get somebody? Realizing that leaving her alone to her hysteria would be worse than not getting help, he shot that idea down as soon as it formed inside his head. Shit, she should have stayed in the hospital today. Grant had been right, there was no way of knowing if this was going to happen again. However, Joel had a pretty fucking good idea now.

Ellie still trembled, but Joel tightened his grip, rubbing his hand over her head as he soothed her.

"It's okay, baby girl. I'm here. I'm here. Everything is okay. Everything is going to be alright."

Her state of panic faded away as fast as it appeared, as she turned in his arms to clutch to him like glue. Burying her head away in his chest, she sobbed now in a different way than before. Her little trembling body shook the mattress as Joel kept a death grip on her. He gritted his teeth, his eyes shut, trying to counter the effects as they faded off, hoping to keep them away. Her sobbing was hysteric, but was exhausted now. Her body came to a stand still, resting against his.

She was just crying, now, holding on for dear life as if letting go would kill her. Joel held her tight, rubbing her back and hair as he consoled her. The two lied there for a long period of time afterward. The attack itself had lasted around forty five to fifty seconds. Almost a full minute. That was bad.

Only two words were able to form in Joel's head. _Holy shit._


	9. Golden Eyes

**A/N: So how was everybody's holiday? Good, I hope. Last day of 2014, so let's break out the party hats, confetti, and all that, and party alongside our friends and family. This is going to be a good year, I can feel it.**

**Anyway, I wasn't kidding when I said I rediscovered my drive for this. It feels freakin' awesome, if I do say so myself, and I have you guys to thank for it. The kind words, I'm serious, are just amazing. I couldn't ask for more, and I wish I could give more.**

**Now, this chapter, I'll be honest, I'm a bit nervous about. It dives a bit deeper into Joel in a new way that hasn't really been explored in depth with either _the Last of Us_ itself or TCS, so hopefully I did it right for you guys.**

**Well, now that I got my anxieties out of the way, here ya go. I should have another chapter up this week, at least, so let's keep the fingers crossed. Happy New Year!**

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**Chapter 9: Golden Eyes**

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The cold water ran through his cracked fingers as he rinsed his arms and hands, splashing it up into his graying face as he tried to calm himself after the episode he'd just witnessed seconds ago. The bathroom was small, and consisted of a shower, a toilet and a sink, but that was just enough. Running his fingers through his hair, his eyes clenched shut, Joel searched his brain for answers, for something that he could do for her during a time like this. It had been the second today, this one actually worse than the last one. Granted, her first had resulted in a minor concussion, however this had to of crippled her sanity even if only slightly.

Looking up into the mirror, water dripping from his nose and chin, he looked to the reflected Joel and asked him what he would do. Naturally, there wasn't an answer.

He listened out for her, hoping that he wouldn't hear her screams again. They were terrifying, doing something to him that nothing in this world had ever been able to do prior. It had to be the bastard she'd encountered before their arrival at Salt Lake. What in God's name had he done to her? Joel wished he'd been there, before the cannibal had done whatever he did. He wished he were able to confront the sick fuck, and do what Ellie did before she ever had the chance to.

Leaning on the sink, his arms extended as he shut his eyes again and looked downward, Joel willed for some answer to come, something that could solve all their problems. He couldn't bare to watch her go through that again. Despite him being right beside her, it felt like he was completely out of the loop. That he had no say or effect on what happened with her. It destroyed a part of him to think that way, to see that shit. Pretty soon, he would be the one trembling on the floor, Ellie not knowing what to do.

Joel heard him enter before he saw him. He offered Grant his towel in which he used to rub on his face, cleaning the sweat from his sharp features. The blonde-haired doctor exhaled deeply as he stared off into space, stressed out nearly as much as Joel was. His blue eyes were distant, questioning. It had been a long time since he'd seen something this extreme, and Ellie's case was something a bit more beyond that word. There really wasn't anything left in the world that could truly help her through what she was going with, so they had to improvise. That seemed like it could cause more troubles than actually solving them.

"Has she been taking her meds," Grant asked, speaking of which.

Joel shook his head, pressing his lips together in a fine line.

"No, she hasn't. We've been forgetting."

Grant cleared his throat, placing a hand on Joel's shoulder as he brought the aging man's attention to him.

"You need to remember. That's all that's standing between her and a psychoatic breakdown. I don't know how much more serious her condition is going to become."

"She's never been this bad. All the shit she'd done, that she'd seen, why is this an issue now?"

_Pff. I've seen worse._

"Joel, everybody has that certain point. It's just natural. Whatever happened between the time you arrived here and when you returned, something must've cracked through the hard shell she'd built up around her. It could be multiple factors, really."

Yeah, it could. The cannibal that had his hands on her. Her friend that had died three weeks before Joel met her. God, a little girl her age should not deal with the things she does.

"I feel like I'm powerless, Grant. Like there's nothing I can do."

"What you did was the right thing, Joel. You did all you could do, and that's about all anybody could ask."

"What if this happens again."

"Frankly, it probably will. I doubt she'd just mentally heal this quickly after an episode as bad as this one. We just need to keep an eye on her."

"I just..."

"She needs to figure this out on her own, Joel. Ellie has to beat it by herself, all we can do is help her along."

"No girl her age should suffer the way she does."

"This day and age, she definitely isn't the only one."

Something about what Grant said stirred him a little for some reason. Not at him, but at the world and their situation. It reminded him a little too much.

_Turns out, there's a whole lot more like you, Ellie_.

"I'm going to stay over night, make sure she rests well and that this doesn't relapse from anything such as dreaming, which can be a solid factor. Speaking of which, has she been having frequent nightmares, Joel?"

He looked at Grant with a concerned expression on his face. She had been, hadn't she. Just the night before, and she'd refused to tell him about it.

"Occasionally, she does wake in the middle of the night. Actually, she did just last night."

"Then I need to keep an eye on her."

"You don't need to worry about it, Grant."

"Joel, relax. I worry. I'm not asking to sit at her bedside all night. I just want to be in the area."

Joel felt a little uncomfortable with this. However, this was Grant, not some random doctor. If he could trust anybody, he was one of them.

Joel backed away from the sink, taking the towel from Grant and flipping it to the semi-clean side, wiping the water from his face and holding it to his head, a headache once again pounding away inside. He nodded towards the doctor, exiting the bathroom and walking silently down the hall to Ellie's bedroom. Peaking through the door, he saw her nestled under the covers, fast asleep, most of her face hidden behind her arms as she snored away into the pillow. Grant was along side him, looking to Ellie and then back to Joel.

"She'll be fine, Joel. People beat PTSD all the time."

"Yeah, maybe twenty some years ago."

"Ellie can do it. She's strong willed and stubborn. How do you think she's put up with you for so long?"

He patted Joel on the side, and was rewarded with a snort. He was smiling, however, so his humor was successful again. Good thing to note.

Grant walked back down the hall and down the stairs, before switching on the light and sipping away at his cold coffee. He winced a tad bit, not appreciating the absence of its heat, but decided to ignore it. Joel followed him, walking to the Keurig that sat on the counter, plugged into the wall. He had Maria to thank for that, it being the main gift for his birthday a few months back. Popping in a hazelnut, pressing a few commands, and starting the machine, he watched the brown fluid poor into his mug. Grant cleared his throat a second time.

"You know, all this shit aside, I think Tommy was wanting to talk to you."

Joel looked from the coffee maker and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Eh?"

"Yep."

The Keurig clicked off as the fluid stopped, before Joel took the mug from the machine and walked over to the little island in the center of the kitchen, plucking a few packets of sugar. He began to individually tear them in two, pouring the contents into the coffee.

"I suggest you go."

Joel looked back at him, the same expression on his face.

"You really think I want to talk to him right now?"

"Joel, the two of you _need _to talk. That's probably the best thing for the both of you at this moment."

"Fuck that."

Joel leaned back against the counter, sipping away at the coffee in his hand. The smell and flavor of hazelnut took him back to the shops he and his wife would visit long before Sarah. Then, when he and Sarah would go years later when his wife was no longer a part of his life. It brought pain but also nostalgia as he drank the warm fluid, kick starting his body a second time that day.

"Joel..."

"Grant, I'm not leaving Ellie. Not after tonight, and it's as simple as that."

"Joel, Ellie's asleep. There's nothing more either of us can do at the moment. Tommy's at the mess hall with the survivors we took in today, and so is Maria. I think it would be best for you to go and amend..."

"Since when was this your business?"

"It's not, you're right, but..."

"Then shut up about it, Grant. I'm not going."

"Jesus, Joel. You sound like a little kid with that attitude."

"Grant, I swear..."

"Look, somebody has to push you a little, Joel. It'd be best for the both of you if you just go talk it out about whatever the hell's going on."

"Not this, Grant. Not this. Just drop it."

The two stood in silence for a few minutes, each almost expecting to hear Ellie's screams shake the house again that night. However, the silence proved otherwise. Joel was a bit agitated at Grant's persistence, but as he thought about it, he knew he had a point. He and Tommy would begin to grow further and further apart the longer he didn't confront him about it. There wouldn't necessarily be punches thrown, as far as he knew, and chances had to be taken to secure his relationship with his little brother.

Rubbing his nose, before sipping his coffee, he looked at Grant who looked back at him, eyebrows raised as if it were a pleading look. Not necessarily pleading, but in the same category. Joel laughed.

"Grant, I swear. If you were anybody else, I'd hit you."

"Well, good to know I'm on your good side, then."

They both chuckled, before Joel finished the coffee, and placed the mug in the sink. A bit more energized than before, he began walking to the door.

"You sure she's in good hands," Joel said, pointing a finger in Ellie's direction.

"Since when have you not had faith in me, Joel. She'll be fine."

Joel placed a hand on the doorknob, looking at Grant as the latter nodded to the former in encouragement. Joel then gestured towards the television in the corner of the room.

"If you're so determined to stay here, there's a couple of movies over there."

"Well, then I guess I'll have a look."

Joel was already out the door, albeit hesitant to leave Ellie behind in such a state. Grant knew what he was doing, however, and was very trustworthy. She'd be fine, and this was a bit more important at the moment. Tommy and Joel were at each other's throats over this, and it was time that he settled it with his brother. If there was strain on their relationship as a result, then so be it. However, the words Joel played through his head needed to be said, or he might go a little insane himself.

* * *

Back in the fresh air, to his surprise, Joel took a deep breath, his eyes closed as he tried to rid himself of the thickness in his chest. The weight was almost unnatural, adding more to it by just being there in the first place. Rubbing a hand through his hair for the thousandth time that night, he held it there in suspension as he walked to the street, locks of the gray strands bunched together in his fist, spilling through his fingers. A few stars dotted the sky, however clouds had begun to pop up here and there, as the smell of the storm still lingered, like a fossil of what once existed. His boots squeaked on the asphalt, a dripping noise occasionally fooling him to be rain when in actuality, it was rainwater falling from the trees. It had been one hell of a storm, that was for sure, and undoubtedly not the last one of the season. This winter was to bring heavy snow, and Joel felt it in his joints. There would probably be one the next day, if history proved accurate with his aging body.

The tightness in him refused to depart, as an actual anxiety filled his system. Joel's chest burned of indigestion as a result. Why would he be on edge for such a thing? This was just Tommy, after all. It was just his little brother. After all the shit he'd seen and done, this was enough to bring nerves? Rubbing his eyebrows with his hand that he pulled from his hair, he almost strayed from the road from the squinting that resulted. How would this play out? Would it amend the situation, or would it spell the end of his and Tommy's relationship? That, again to his surprise, was making him nervous. They butted heads every now and then, sure, but this was his brother. With the exception of Ellie, he was all Joel had left in this world, and the only thing left from the life before this one that seemed to be another lifetime away.

His thoughts raged on for a few moments, tormenting him, revolving around Ellie, Tommy, Salt Lake, the winter prior. His right hand came to his stomach, where the deep scar ran true through his gut. He almost reached around to feel the one on his back adjacent to it, and winced at the thought of the messed up tissue inside his body. Occasionally, he'd still feel the burning sensation shoot through his stomach and back, making him cringe. It actually sparked a vomiting spell one night, one in which neither him nor Ellie were able to regain the bliss of sleep. The thoughts that followed then were far worse than any nightmare that could've followed.

Joel's distraction nearly made him run into the woman walking the same street. She jumped, a slight squeal escaping her lips as she stumbled backward into a light post. Joel, shocked out of his trance, rushed to her aid as he helped her back to her feet. Despite the fact that he'd almost immediately recognized her, and felt a slight sense of dread in all honesty, he was quick to help her. The woman looked up to him, the same startled expression Joel wore reflected on her, as she took his hand and pushed herself to her feet. The woman had blonde hair, a small nose, curved jaw, and was quite attractive. Bits of her hair fell into her eyes as she pushed them aside with two fingers, looking at Joel with a big smile.

"Sorry, Esther. I didn't see ya."

"That's okay, really. I can be a bit clumsy, sometimes."

Joel chuckled, despite his attitude during the whole thing. Tommy, when he wasn't ready to bite his older brother's head from his shoulders, was hard at work getting him and Esther together. He said that it would be "good for him", and would "open him up to the new world a bit more". Joel pulled the BS card hard on that claim, however allowed their attempts without much resistance. He, however, never pursued it. One woman had broke his heart once, he really wasn't interested in repeating the process again. Especially after all the other shit that'd Joel has had to go through.

"What are you doing out and about this late at night," Esther asked.

"Oh, y'know. Watching the stars."

He tried to sound polite, as he knew that she was a really nice person. She really was, however if he showed too much interest, he was afraid he'd be sending the wrong message.

"Really?"

Esther looked up to the sky, following the feigned gaze Joel gave.

"Not many out tonight," she continued.

"I like to... imagine... sometimes."

_Shit, that was terrible._

"Imagine," Esther snickered.

"Yeah. I can be an imaginative person."

"Oh really?"

She was chuckling. He wasn't getting anywhere, and it seemed like it was going to stay that way. Joel merely grunted.

"C'mon, now," Esther said cheerfully, patting Joel on the shoulder, "I'm just playin' around. Everything okay?"

Her concern was touching, but a bit unnerving for Joel personally.

"I'm good. It's just..."

He trailed off, unsure whether or not he should tell Esther of Ellie's condition.

"I'm good."

She had her eyebrows raised. _Dammit_.

"You sure."

"Yep."

Pursing her lips, looking a bit off to the side, Esther nodded. It was as good as an answer as she was probably going to get, and she knew it. Looking back to Joel with a renewed, hyper energy to her, her grin contagious whether Joel liked it or not, she continued.

"So, in all honesty, where are you headed?"

"The mess hall," Joel shrugged.

There was no point in lying to her.

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah. Thought I might help out with the new arrivals."

"Sounds like a good idea. Maybe we should both go."

_Well, fucking shit._

How was he supposed to turn her down. Again, she was a nice woman, but Joel just wasn't interested at the moment. She was cute, and she had the personality, but in a world like this, a relationship with somebody was just poison in the veins. It was very hypocritical for him to think that because of Ellie, but she was vastly different. Family was one thing. Romance was another.

Joel really didn't want to talk to anybody, especially one as hyper and happy as Esther was. Not while he was on his way to do what he was about to do. He needed to think about a few things, and couldn't do that talking to somebody. It wasn't personal. It was just bad timing. Yes, that was it. That was what he would tell her. Wait though, why would he need to think deep on things before going to a mess hall. Granted, it made sense in his specific case scenario, but to Esther, who was totally out of the loop, it would sound completely illogical. Maybe he needed the walk there and back, plus some minor work there, to take his mind off things, or even to do the opposite and let him think.

It sort of pieced together.

"Hey, look..."

"Hmm."

"I just... I need to maybe head there alone."

Esther looked a bit confused.

"Why?"

"Well, I just, y'know, have somethings I need to think about."

"What things."

"Private things."

Esther formed an O with her mouth, sort of getting the concept now.

"Oh, I see."

Good God, Joel was terrible at this. _I've got the balls to shove a shiv into a man's kneecap, but can't fucking talk to a girl! What is this shit?_

Esther looked pretty disappointed, and that was just making Joel feel bad. Well, what the hell was he supposed to do in the first place?

"So... I guess I'll catch ya later?"

Looking off to the side, unsure how to answer, he scratched the back of his head, an awkward silence falling over the two.

_This just up and went to hell._

"Yeah, I... sure..."

She nodded, her enthusiastic smile gone.

"Well, okay. I'll see ya then."

Joel smiled and watched Esther begin to walk away. He turned, his back facing hers, and stopped. He could hear her footsteps as she walked away, and shut his eyes as he felt honest to God guilt for just telling her to leave. Since when was this a thing, he didn't know. However, he knew that it would just add to the list of things that was bugging him at the moment, so with a hand on his forehead, he turned back to her.

"Hey, Esther?"

She turned, her smile returning.

"Yes?"

"I don't see why we can't walk together."

Grinning ear to ear, she walked up alongside Joel as the two began to trek the street towards the community mess hall. His hands stuffed in his pockets, the silence filling the air torturously, Joel bit his tongue as he tried to think of something to say. Why should he be complaining, anyway? He has this attractive woman just wanting him with all her might, and the signs were as obvious as the sun in the morning. He should just take this chance at happiness, and if it didn't work out, then oh well. At least he still had Ellie.

"So, um... it's a nice night, huh?"

Esther looked to him, her smile not fading.

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."

"Not too many stars, but just enough to paint a pretty picture."

"Absolutely."

That was about as far as they got, initially. The mess hall was in view, but still a bit of a walk. It's lights filled the sky, painting it a light shade of brown, as Joel fought through his head for something to talk about. It was about to put him right next to Ellie on that godforsaken bed with the shakes. What could be more terrifying than a girl who likes you, anyway?

The most obvious question popped into his head.

"So... how have you been?"

"Pretty good. Uneventful, but pretty good."

"Well, with the exception of today, of course."

She chuckled again.

"Yeah, definitely."

More silence.

"Uneventful is good. At least in this day and age, anyway."

"Yeah, well, it would be nice to see a little color at some point. Not the kind your probably thinking of, right now, but just something a bit exciting. Like, you know, hunting or something like that."

"Hunters?"

"No... just... for like deer and everything."

Joel pursed his lips, nodding. It was amusing. She was like Ellie on an overdose of caffeine. Personality wise, anyway.

"You good with a gun?"

"Wouldn't still be alive if I wasn't," Esther joked.

Joel chuckled, and surprised himself a third time that night.

"Yeah, that is true."

Out of all the months that Tommy had been trying to set Joel up with her, this was about as deep or long any of their conversations had gotten in that time. It was actually a tad interesting to see what made her tick.

"You have any family, Joel? Besides your brother and daughter, anyway."

Oh. That was a bit _too _deep.

He hesitated, looking behind him as he tried to think of what to say. He really couldn't blame her, could he. There was no way she knew what he'd gone through, and she was just trying to break the ice. Joel decided to keep it simple.

"Just her and I, that's all."

She nodded.

Joel let the silence fall for a bit that time, as he debated on whether or not he should bring it up to her. Well, if she decided to ask, then she would probably be willing to discuss it when it went the other way eventually. That was inevitable anyway, right?

"What about you?"

Her smile didn't fade, but her eyes grew distant. For a second, the smile almost looked forced, as if to hide the tormented emotion underneath. There was no teeth shown with it, as she looked down to her feet with a slight chuckle. Esther was definitely in deep thought. Boy, they may have both hit a nerve with this one here.

"No... it's just me."

"Just you?"

She nodded.

"Yep."

He nodded in return, looking away as he knew that he too had gone a little too deep. This obviously was a sensitive topic for the both of them, so he tried to think of something to change the subject. Luckily, Esther did it for him.

"So... what do you think of all this?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"Letting those people in?"

Joel pressed his lips tightly, unsure of how to answer her. Should he share his views? Hell, this was half of what had Tommy and Joel at words at the moment, anyway, which meant it was half of why he was on the street talking to this girl instead of at Ellie's side. All in all, it was another sensitive topic.

So, he shrugged.

"I don't know," he said a little too passionately.

Esther, as a result, looked to him with another cocked eyebrow.

"Sounds like you have an opinion."

"It's just..."

"Hey, Joel. Relax. If you're uncomfortable, I won't push."

This intrigued Joel a little. Just that simple sentence. Somebody's ability to maintain a distance for somebody else's comfort was admirable in his opinion, one which he held tight to his chest as these events obviously displayed. He looked at her with his own eyebrow raised, and grinned a little.

"Thank you. Honestly, I don't know. It seems like a bad move no matter what direction we take here."

Esther nodded.

"I agree with you. We don't know these people..."

"Exactly," Joel let out before he could catch the word with his lips. It was a bit passionate in nature, as well.

"You seem a bit passionate about that side."

"Well... I guess I speak from experience..."

"Experience?"

_Whoa there, Joel. You're getting a little too comfortable_.

This was actually why he felt that he shouldn't get involved with somebody. Joel felt he wouldn't be able to hold an honest relationship, not with his checkered past. How could he tell somebody that he had been a hunter, himself.

_I've been on both sides._

"Just... living in this world for two decades. I just have trouble with trust at the moment."

"Do you trust me?"

Her question was a bit out there, and premature to say the least. What was this, their first legitimate conversation?

His answer was even worse, however.

"Probably."

Esther gave him a look, one crossed with amusement and contained laughter.

"_Probably?"_

"Hey, you asked."

"I expected something a bit more than _probably_."

She did have a point. They'd known each other for over a year, despite their silence towards the other. Joel had Tommy to thank for that, something else to add to his list when he arrived.

They were laughing now. Joel was a bit shocked, as he didn't expect to open up as much to her as he had now. Just goes to show, maybe there was something soft under that hard shell he'd built up for several years. All it took was one person to break through it, and more would definitely follow.

"You're a funny man, Joel."

He grinned.

"You're not too bad, yourself."

Her incessant grinning grew wider, which obviously was contagious. Tommy had a good point, although he would never be one to say it. Maybe a relationship such as this was what he needed to get himself back onto his feet. Seriously, how long had he been turning her away, shunning her with silence, ignoring her outright? Was it healthy for him? Was it going to help him in the long run? No, it wasn't. Joel took a chance when he let Ellie into his life, maybe he should do it again.

All it took was that one walk, and Joel was a bit more open to Esther. He could feel it, sense it, despite the fact that initially he wanted to deny it. It had been ages since he felt something like this towards another person. All it took was that one little risk. That one extra step.

"We should do this more, Esther," Joel said, his words almost not sounding like his own.

"Absolutely, Joel. I agree."

They'd arrived at the mess hall, and this was where they had to separate. Joel had some serious business with his brother, and it hung over his head like a fucking anvil. There was hope however, and the grin for some reason would not leave his face. Something about that woman was just getting to him for some reason.

Maybe she was the girl that would pull him up on his feet.


	10. The Head of the Snake

**A/N: So, right before the New Year, this story broke 10,000 views. That's amazing! Thank you, everybody, for taking the time to read my little fanfiction, it really does mean a lot! I was astounded by this, as I never even thought I'd get that far. **

**Here's the first chapter of 2015, and very fitting to, as shit begins to hit the fan. The action will start very soon, and your patience will be rewarded. Thank you again for all the kind reviews. It means more than what I can put into words.**

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**Chapter 10: The Head of the Snake**

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The snow fell to dress the world in a coat of white, yet going unnoticed by its numbed body as it raked its fingers through the icy water. The skin was so rotten, the flesh so bloated, it was a wonder why its fingers didn't simply fall from its hands, to float away to be fed on by the very prey it hunted for. The sound of chattering teeth was obvious as it did so, the tongue flopping in its mouth and across its split lips as each swipe was beginning to look more and more futile.

The Infected runner was growing impatient, or as impatient as the undead could ever get. Odds were that it had already scared the school away, and it was meters down the stream already. It was different, really, to watch it at such an angle, to just observe nature's most ugly feature from afar, instead of at such a proximity that you'd need to react. Here, it was almost humorous, watching the beast scramble in the water, coming up empty over and over again. Its rigid breath nearly stirred the rest of the Infected that surrounded it, each corpse slumped slightly in stance, dormant. There were tons around him.

It wasn't a problem; actually, it was convenient. A helpful hand, if you will. The horde that Clyde watched through a scope while perched up in the little groove the hill supplied him with had been moving closer and closer to Jackson for about a week now, presenting a threat to even their community miles from here. Usually, the Infected didn't work that way, grouping together in a cluster like the cliched zombie herds you watched on TV, or read about in books. This, however, was a spectacle. They must be attracted to something here, being drawn in by the dozens to investigate the source.

What Clyde noticed about the Infected over the past two decades was that they could be compared to dogs, in a way. Their hearing is very sensitive, always being drawn to the sound that stood out the most. He wouldn't be surprised if a doggie whistle would peak their attention, hence the comparison. Granted, stealth was very possible with the corpses, but extremely difficult. Clyde admired that about Joel, he always found a way to do it.

What was the word now? He and a 14 year old girl had trekked the entirety of the United States for some goddamned miracle? Impressive. He'd done more, but still, impressive.

Clyde found himself smirking at this. _Would he even remember me?_

Only time would tell, if the old man was still around. He scooted to the left a tad, still watching the runner splash about in the stream. The dark of night had fallen about an hour ago, but he had no trouble seeing. He found darkness comforting, not unsettling. It was a friend, not a foe: an ally, not an enemy. He thought about it like this, the Infected would react the same way no matter the time of day, and it only took a few moments for your eyes to adjust to the surroundings. This wasn't the point, the point was of the living that still lurked in the shadows. Odds were, if you couldn't see them, they couldn't see you.

Clyde worked better in the dark to begin with, as the environment was much more easy to manipulate during the night. The delay in human reaction due to the inability to see gave so much more time to act, to _think_, something the day deprived the common survivor of. So, long story short, Clyde enjoyed the dark.

He leaned into the stock of the rifle, checking the safety as he did so. It would be foolish to fire a shot in such a circumstance, especially if it weren't intentional. What a humiliating way to go out. The several Infected in front of him that stalked the night were somewhat active, but not enough to where they'd impose a threat to him at that particular moment.

Curling his lip, curious, he wondered if Tommy even knew of this clusterfuck? Would Jackson be standing for so long if he was able to overlook such a major detail in the surrounding world?

The variety of the Infected sprawled out in front of him was astonishing, to realize just how old this specific horde was. It had to be more than months, maybe years, even. The runners moaned and groaned as they twitched about, the clickers silent and dormant, literally slumped over. There were stalkers there as well, but more off in the distance, where there was a mix of clicks and moans that by the sound, you could tell it belonged to one particular source. Bloaters weren't out of the equation, either, them two almost in a sleep like state as two or three filled the scope. Clyde could only tell by the shadows, but due to its large nature, there was no mistaking it.

Something else caught his eye, though, something that actually made him stop. Clutching the rifle tightly, he pulled his eye from the scope, and then looked back into it, making sure he wasn't seeing a shadow, or fog on the glass. No, what he saw was what he'd originally thought, and it was a tad surprising. There, in the center of the group, was a large and bulbous creature, which remained motionless but swayed here and there, a cloud of spores releasing into the misty air as it almost coated the flakes as they fell. Clyde raised his eyebrows, but kept steady. It was interesting.

He hadn't seen a bloomer in years, and the one so long ago had been dead. They were extremely rare, the last cycle in the infection process in fact, if the hosts that carried it had lasted long enough that is. It was like a walking spore compartment, spraying the rotten air up into the sky and infecting whoever was unlucky enough to be standing close by, unprotected. Each breath inhaled oxygen, contaminated it, and released back into the world. He really hadn't seen one alive so close before.

Bloomers were terrifying creatures, and much more deadly than bloaters could ever be. It reminded Clyde of John Carpenter's _the Thing_, and old movie from long ago. It fit the description, as he focused the lense on the scope to get a better look. It was a large amalgamation of several bodies, walking on five legs, each belonging to another host that had been caught by the monstrosity. There had to be at least six bodies tangled up inside it, fused together as if they'd been one since the beginning. There was growth on top of the bloomer, as well, hence the name, bursts of brightly colored fungus covering up the terrified, frozen faces of the victims that had become apart of this synthesized Infected.

Clyde noticed a woman's head dangling off the creature's "shoulder", her brown hair dangling and swaying, dripping a yellowish green onto the snow at its feet, something that looked almost like vomit. There was another face, well two actually, in the center of the monster's chest that represented a man and a woman, whose cheeks hand been fused together, their screams silent as they no longer drew breath. He could see hands reaching out of it, clutching for the air, the victim's last ditch effort to get away, to be free.

He grunted, shaking his head, tempted to shoot down the damn thing. It would've been fruitless, and he'd be overwhelmed by the Infected horde in no time, but for some reason, he felt it'd be satisfying. He realized that he'd been clicking off the safety, almost doing this absent-minded. It was a very rare occasion when something actually had an effect on Clyde, and this was barely something that you could call an impression. Still, knowing of its existence just outside Tommy's wall, he knew that it would play a role sooner or later. _Just keep in mind to stay out of the damn thing's way_.

Clicking the safety back on, he continued to survey the surrounding foliage, finding several other bloaters, clickers, and runners. They looked riled up, their activity peaked. Something had recently disturbed them, and they were more rowdy than they should've been. It could've been anything, a gunshot, a voice, a fuckin' squirrel. Who the hell knew, but that was something else Clyde took note of. This made their involvement so much more simpler, as there wouldn't need to be anything from their side of the field to get them moving. When the action started, you could be damn well sure that they'd be following the source.

Clyde pushed himself off of the rifle and off the ground, coming to his knee as he lifted the gun to strap over his shoulder, his eyes still on the horde masked in the misty snow, almost awaiting the next morning.

He was looking forward to it, and honestly looking forward to seeing Joel again. Who knew what the look on his face would be when he got his little girl in his grasp. It was a long time ago, sure, but the anger still boiled in his chest at the thought of his face. Clyde wasn't usually one to hold a grudge, but this had been personal. He rubbed a scar through his eyebrow at the thought of him and grinned to himself, ready to return the favor ten fold.

When he found Joel, and his stupid little girl, he was going to make her squeal. That wasn't a threat, that was a promise.

* * *

The campfire burned on relentlessly as Bobby was overjoyed, holding his frozen fingers above the flames as the damp feeling in his toes began to fade. It had been at least twenty-four hours since he'd been able to do so, and after trekking through nothing but mud and water, in rain and thunder, it felt great to be able to dry, to relax. The heat cocooned his body, as he'd removed his jacket, his boots and his socks, which laid damp next to him as he preyed that they would dry before the morning. There was nothing more uncomfortable than walking in wet socks, especially with what's about to go down.

He sensed Drew before he saw him, the bandit slumping down across from him with a satisfied grunt as he leaned backward, his back cracking the whole way until he came to a stop on the ground, which was followed by some more grunts and then a relaxed exhale. His side to the fire, he caressed his head in his hands as he almost looked like he were about to drift off. Bobby looked over at him with an eyebrow raised, but let it go as he let his thoughts wonder to other places, far away from the likes of here. This damp, cold, miserable forest was the last place he wanted to be the day after next, and if he were still, he'd be wanting to jump into the nearest ravine he found. Better than dealing with wet socks.

"Bobby, my friend, have you learned nothing?"

Bobby looked over at Drew, waited a few seconds for him to continue as his curiosity had definitely been peaked, but simply shook his head and looked back into the fire. Drew sat up a bit, leaning on his elbow as he grinned.

"Bobby..."

"What?"

He held out in his hand Bobby's boots, the laces pinched in between his thumb and forefinger as he twirled it around.

"Fireflies aren't so intimidating without their shoes on, are they?"

Bobby looked back to where his shoes had been, and finally caught on to their absence. He looked back to Drew, annoyed, and held his hand out with an agitated emphasis.

"Drew, for the love of God..."

"You think they'd add some heat to the fire?"

"I swear, Drew, don't even think about it."

"What would you do then, Bobby? Run around barefooted? Would anybody even take you seriously, anymore?"

He began to stand, walking over to Drew who came to his feet too, holding the boots out behind him out of Bobby's reach, much like a taller bully on a school playground. Bobby held his hands out in disbelief, before grabbing onto Drew's torso and pulling his arm down, Drew laughing aloud as he took hold of the boots and tore them from his grasp.

"Look at you, taking some charge for once."

Bobby threw the boots back down, much closer to him this time, and came to a rest right back in front of the fire.

"You're a fuckin' pig."

"What the hell did you expect from me, Bobby?"

"Maybe some decency."

"Decency doesn't exist anymore. You should know, you've lived in an apocalypse for over twenty years."

"You know what I mean."

He continued to hold his hands over the fire, feeling the cold leave his body in a sensation that could be compared to ice melting off the skin. It brought pleasure back to his body and for the most part removed the annoyance that had racked it seconds before.

"I didn't know Fireflies had manners."

Bobby exhaled loudly, trying to ignore it.

"So what, after a day of saving the world time and time again, do the fellas in yellow jackets gather around a table for a nice little tea party."

"Fuck you."

Drew laughed.

"Bobby, you of all people should know that as a Firefly, you're not much better than I."

"I disagree."

"Why? Explain to me your reason of being here, and prove me wrong. Please."

Bobby took notice to the snow that had begun to fall, specking his shoulders and the ground at his feet, melting from the intensity of the flames that consumed them. Holding his hand out, he watched them stitch a pattern on his palm, melting away however the second they made contact with his skin. Rubbing the water with his fingers, he pursed his lips as he looked up into the sky, noticing the darkness that had been absent moments ago. No star was in sight, as if they'd been snuffed in a matter of minutes. The clear skies were long gone.

They were due for another storm.

"Bobby? I'm waiting?"

He looked around at the several other bandits and Fireflies that filled the little camp they'd set up hours before, wondering if he should even give this man the time of day. He could easily take up another spot.

"We're here for the girl."

"You're here to take that little girl against her will, to take her on back to whatever hole you Fireflies come out of, and then to kill her, _without her consent_, to create what may be considered a cure."

"It sounds much more demented when you put it like that, but I guess, yeah."

"Tell me," Drew said, sitting once again across from Bobby, "do you even know her name?"

"What difference does that make?"

"It proves my point. Look at what you're doing, and yet, you come to judge me as a bandit."

"What we're doing could ensure our survival as a species."

"Spare me the bullshit, and don't compare me to you or your yellow buddies again. Understand?"

There was a hesitation as loud and obvious as any other gesture could've been.

"_Understand?!"_

Bobby shook his head, snorting, but decided to give into the bandit in the hopes that he might go away.

"Whatever, fine. I understand."

"Good."

Drew stood, chuckling to himself, as he looked back down at Bobby.

"Not to mention how FEDRA themselves have labeled you as terrorists."

There was no response, and Drew decided to just let that one hand on Bobby's shoulders. He could tell by the scowl that had appeared on his face that it had some sort of impact.

"So, you think you're ready for tomorrow," Drew continued.

"I have to be."

"No, that's not the answer I'm looking for. Do you think you're ready for tomorrow?"

"Yes, I do."

"Ready to kill, ready to mangle?"

"I don't know about _mangle..._"

"'Cause back in the warehouse, you seemed pretty set on letting those two lovebirds go."

"Don't even go there."

"Why not? Honestly, I don't think you've got the balls to do what is necessary. You kinda come off as a pussy."

Bobby stood, his patience worn down to the minimum. Drew did the same, as the former walked up to him, getting in his face.

"You shut the hell up. I've had enough of you."

Drew grinned, his eyes wild. He was wanting this.

"Go ahead, bedbug. Let's do it."

Bobby gritted his teeth, getting a tad closer as Drew readied himself as well. They never got the chance, however, as Clyde entered the camp, the rifle strapped around his shoulder as he held it firmly.

Glancing over to the two of them, a look of both amusement and annoyance was all it took to separate the both of them. Drew spit, looking up at Bobby and jabbing a finger at him.

"We are not done here."

He walked off, and Bobby came to a rest back in his usual spot, rubbing his face with his hands as he tried to wipe away the stress. He was sick and tired of dealing with bandits, and just wanted to get this done so that it could be all put behind him. Drew had walked over to Clyde to obviously discuss what he'd seen. He'd scouted ahead to watch the Infected horde that stalked the forest around them and Jackson, and he hoped that it wasn't coming anywhere near them. A firefight with the residents of the settlement close by was one thing, but the undead?

Bobby just wasn't up for something like that. Granted, when he'd signed up as a Firefly, he'd been a bit more gung-ho with his attitude than right now. Things do change, however, especially with the shit you see in the long run. As his mind ran, he held his pendant in his hand, his name _Robert __McKenzie_ imprinted into the metal. He flipped it in his fingers, the emblem itself on the other side. What was he willing to do to uphold his oath to that said symbol. Unleash an Infected horde onto families? Onto kids? Why were those people sent there, anyway? What was the purpose of that? They'd be just in the cross hairs, tomorrow. Was it just some sick joke, or did it mean something else, entirely?

Another Firefly, his friend, sat next to him with a grunt, interrupting his thoughts.

"What do you think they're talking about, over there?"

Bobby looked over at his buddy, Travis, who looked back at him with curious eyes.

"How should I know?"

"You were talking to him a second ago."

"Yeah, not a very pleasurable experience if you ask me."

"What happened."

Bobby shook his head, wiping the sweat from his brow, despite the snow that fell around them.

"I'm just sick and fucking tired of bandits, Travis."

Travis was a man of forty, just out of sophomore year of college when the Cordyceps hit. He was slim, looking a tad bit paler than usual as his gaze returned to its natural state of concern. Bobby took note of this, glancing over at him again as he tapped him on the shoulder.

"You doing okay?"

He looked back at him, then out to the people that wandered the camp.

"No, honestly. I'm not."

"Will is in Jackson, isn't he?"

He nodded.

"Of course he is," Bobby stated.

"I wanted him to stay behind, Bobby. I really did, but he insisted, and insisted, and then persuaded. There was no talking him out of it."

"He's your kid. Why didn't you just tell him no?"

"I did, but he followed anyway. He's like that."

Bobby chuckled.

"It's just a stage. All fifteen year olds are like that, Travis."

"Even in this world, it seems."

They both chuckled then, despite themselves. It lasted a couple of seconds, before it fell quiet again. After a couple of moments, Bobby placed a hand on Travis's shoulder.

"I'm sure he'll be fine."

He nodded, looking down as another silence found its way among them. Bobby looked back to Clyde and Drew, where the latter was actually no where to be found now. The former, however, was talking to another group of bandits and Fireflies, probably revealing what he had seen. There was something about Clyde, something he didn't sense around anybody else. Drew included, to his surprise.

"What do you think about him?"

Travis spoke up again, and Bobby raised an eyebrow.

"Who, Clyde?"

Travis nodded, and Bobby simply shrugged.

"I couldn't tell you, Travis. There is something up with him. I don't know, I feel uncomfortable when he's around."

"There are stories, you know, about him."

Bobby glanced over at his friend.

"Stories?"

"I've been listening. Apparently, he took on a horde of Infected on his own, and that he never misses a shot."

Travis was rewarded with a look.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Among the bandits, and us as well. I heard that he'd been bitten, also."

Bobby shook his head.

"That's impossible."

"Is it? Look at who we're trying to find here, Bobby. What makes you think it's impossible."

"Why would he hide such a thing?"

"'Cause of what the Fireflies might do."

"If he took on a horde of Infected, then he isn't afraid of us. Our numbers are small here, anyway. What would we do?"

"It's a thought."

Bobby looked over at Travis.

"So, you're telling me that Clyde could very well be immune?"

"That's what I heard, Bobby. That's all."

"That doesn't make any sense. Look at him, he has a gas mask. Why would he need it if he was immune."

"Force of habit."

"Try again."

Travis shrugged.

"I don't know, Bobby. It's what I've heard."

"...and you believe the stories, or _lies,_ that a bandit has been telling you."

"How are we able to tell. He could very well be bitten anywhere his clothing covers."

"I don't think so."

"Then why would he be so casual about approaching a cluster just a mile up the road from us. He either has a big pair, or he's..."

"Travis, you're just speculating. Clyde isn't immune."

"Yes he is."

A bandit caught them off balance, who stood off to the side eavesdropping on their conversation. It was Drake.

"Clyde's immune. For real?"

"Got bitten on the shoulder years ago, fighting that group of Infected. Apparently, he was protecting his son."

"His son?"

Drake nodded.

"Been dead for ages, though. They both were bit. Clyde survived."

"Then why the hell are we here right now," Bobby exclaimed.

"It's said that the older you are, the more corrupted the infection strain is. You could extract what you need for a cure, but due to the aged cells, it would disintegrate before you ever had a chance to use it."

"How do you know this."

"I was a scientist before the outbreak."

Bobby raised an eyebrow.

"A scientist?"

"Yep, worked for the CDC."

Travis snorted.

"Well, ya didn't do a good enough job, did ya?"

"Well, we studied the Cordyceps for years after the first cases began popping up. Believe me, we tried everything at making a cure."

"How do you know, _specifically_, that older cells wouldn't work for the cure."

"Simple. I knew Marlene."

"Marlene?"

"Yeah."

"You're a fucking bandit."

"Ex-Firefly, to be exact. Me and Clyde, both. Why do you think he's agreed to such a thing."

Bobby raised both his eyebrows, his mouth slightly agape as he attempted to find words.

"This doesn't make sense."

"It's why Ellie, the girl you're looking for, is a prime candidate. She's young, much more durable, and her brain cells can withstand the procedure. It's why Marlene wouldn't take any chances."

"Look where that got her."

"Well, you have your chance for revenge now, don't you?"

Clyde cleared his throat, gathering everyone's attention around him. The three of them looked up from where they sat and watched as he walked towards the center of the crowd, all eyes on him. There was a veracity in his movements, an anger and hatred that painted the expression on his face and demeanor about him. He hopped up on top of the Humvee that they'd traveled in, standing high above the crowd as he began to speak. The power in his voice gave Bobby chills.

"The Infected horde that stalks the forest beyond the tree line, that's our ticket in. We draw them to Jackson, and let them thin the front line. While Tommy and the fools at the gates fall, we sneak in through the hole that good ol' Nathan was kind enough to tell us about."

There was a fire in Clyde's eyes, one that threatened to burn for a lifetime.

"Then, when their backs are turned... we'll slaughter every last one of them!"

The bandits around them cheered, excited. They chanted, raising their fists in the air. The Fireflies seemed a bit behind in the celebration, but were giddy all the same.

"When this is accomplished, every infected soul is to be executed. No exceptions. I don't care if it's me."

Bobby flinched, based on what he just heard. Was he immune, or wasn't he?

"Then, my dear Fireflies, the girl shall belong to you."

"I was expecting to have a little fun, Clyde."

It was Drew, the psychotic shithead who grinned ear to ear at the thought that Bobby had no doubt revolved around Ellie, the poor girl down in Jackson county, totally unaware of what was coming.

"The girl is to be left unharmed, as our deal states..."

He paused, looking at Drew.

"Doesn't mean you can't have your fair share with her."

Drew's grin intensified, which Bobby couldn't spend more than a couple seconds looking at. The bastard was a monster.

"Then, Fireflies, you'll have your cure. You'll be able to say to your kids, and your grandkids, that you had a hand in saving the world. Our community will thrive, will theirs falls. You'll have your revenge, my brothers and sisters, for the lives they took from you countless times over. For the mothers and fathers they killed to protect the lie that they have sheltered from us for nearly a decade."

The crowd was getting riled up, several of the bandits shouting and cheering at Clyde as he went on.

"Ready yourselves... everyone..."

Clyde looked out past the cliff that the Humvee was parked on, and watched the horizon, where he could see the settlement resting peacefully through the snow that fell. His own grin crept over his face.

"For tomorrow, Jackson shall burn!"


	11. The Pursuit of Happiness

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, everybody. I got another chapter up here for ya, and this one is pretty long. I should also mention that I went back to the previous chapters and gave them a good revision, adding some dialogue here and there (nothing story changing), etc. It was pretty fun doing so, looking back at the beginning.**

**One more thing, before we dive in. I'm sort of 50/50 on the ending sequence here. I won't spoil it, but it's the small section on the bottom that I'm being skeptical about. You'll know what I mean when you see it.**

**Anyway, as always, thanks again for the reviews. Should be breaking 50,000 words with this chapter, and that's awesome. Things begin getting into the nitty-gritty next chapter, so stay tuned. I'll catch you all next time! :D**

* * *

**Chapter 11: The Pursuit of Happiness**

* * *

Despite his older sister sitting alongside him, clasping his right hand tightly in hers, he couldn't stop his left from shaking. It was odd, as this wasn't a natural thing with him, even after living fifteen years in a barren yet dangerous world. Will squeezed his fingers together tightly, forming a firm fist in an attempt to counteract the action, but found that his efforts were pretty much futile. Could you blame him, given the situation he was in?

The mess hall was quite large, looking as if it had originally been a storage warehouse. Now, it harbored the clustered mix of the residents of Jackson, and the newcomers that had just shown up at the gates. The strange thing about it was how you couldn't tell one from the other, as each looked worn down, but hardened all the same. Everyone still standing this day and age had to of been to hell and back, and everybody else knew it. Even little Will, as he tried to pull his mind from home, where his mother undoubtedly sat waiting for him, hoping that everything would indeed turn out okay.

The boy's glance alternated from one place to another, watching the several interactions that took place around him. The synthesized sound of many voices filled the building to the ceiling, each belonging to a separate conversation. He was silent himself, as always, as he rarely spoke to anybody that wasn't close to him. It wasn't rare to come across somebody as shy as him, anymore, as he found his default gaze to the floor where his feet lie. Tapping them in a rhythm, about two times each before switching to the next, he found a distraction as he did so to the beat of a random tune he made up in his head. A small grin did tug at his lips, as he easily entertained himself. However, his sister grew a bit more anxious as the minutes went by.

Her grasp on his hand was growing tighter, as if he were her lifeline, and if she let go, she would fall into an unforgiving, infinite abyss. She was biting her bottom lip, honestly looking a tad guilty. For what, Will did not know. What would she be guilty about, in the first place? It was safe to assume that it was her bringing him along for the ride, against their father's wishes. He'd expected her to be there, sure, considering that she was old enough to watch her own back, but a fifteen year old boy alongside her would give complications. No doubt that he was plagued with worry wherever he sat at this moment.

Rubbing his nose, Will took note of the wonderful aura that began to fill his nose, the smell of the many foods that cooked on the mini grills they had up front. Due to the large complexity of the infrastructure, cooking wasn't necessarily a problem under a roof (no worries of carbon monoxide), so he could settle one of his worries there and then. The floor was patterned with several tables and chairs, the former a white plastic that stood on black, metal poles, and the latter looking not much different. In the front, where the cooks were at work, there were more tables lined in a row, with the mini grills on top steaming away. Judging by the looks of the plates that several people carried off this way and that, there was a large variety of food. Squirrel, rabbit, fish, along with sandwiches filled with the good ol' classic peanut butter and jelly. Water was served on the side, and watching the condensation roll down the cups made Will lick his lips.

God, did he want something to eat, and his rumbling stomach was evident enough.

Innocently looking over his shoulder at his sister, he made the best puppy dog eyed expression he could muster up, hoping to change her mind.

"C'mon, sis. Let's go grab something to eat. Lord knows, we're both starving."

She rewarded him with a glance that represented annoyance, but pity.

"I told you, Will, the answer is no."

"Why not? That's the whole reason why we're here, isn't it?"

Her expression only became more guilty, as she looked off miles away, following in suit with her thoughts.

"Seriously? What's the big deal, anyway?"

"We don't know these people, that's what. We don't know if we can trust them."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Think of what they could be doing with the food, or what it is even. Is it what they're telling us it is?"

"I highly doubt it's poisoned, sis. Look around. Even the people who live here are chowing down. That's a good sign, right?"

"I didn't say they poisoned it."

"Then what's the problem? I don't see one."

"_No_, Will," she exclaimed. "That's final."

"So, because of your suspicions, I have to starve."

Ouch, that didn't help matters any. Her pained expression grew to agony in terms of emotion, as she scowled at her little brother.

"Don't go there. You didn't have to come."

"I'm here because there isn't enough to support us all back home. That's why all of us came along. To eat, and rest up. Unless, there's something you're not telling me."

"Just shut up, Will."

Defeated, he silenced himself. There was no arguing with her, even about something as essential as this. Her ways were just too difficult to live with, sometimes. Granted, it could be argued that they were appropriate and called for, but when it had a poor after effect, then that's when problems began to arise. Her suspicious attitude had cost them time, friends, and now food, and he was growing so sick of this.

Shaking his head, he attempted to find a conversation to eavesdrop on in the crowd, hoping that he could keep his mind off of the empty stomach that would be the cause of death carved into his tombstone. He continued to lick his lips, not because of his hunger and thirst, but because of the bad habit he'd obtained since his early childhood. Cold winters and chapped lips were the cause of such a factor. His blue eyes scanned the crowd, a mixture of standers and sitters that yapped away about who knows what, and each word pretty much inaudible as they tried to become noticed above the thousands of others that left their occupant's mouth. How boring could this be, just sitting here. Will was beginning to have second thoughts on coming, thinking of his room miles away. Comics, television (albeit limited), novels, _food._ Instead, he's stuck in this strange place with strange people.

His sister's hand was growing clammy against his, so he slid it out. She protested a bit, but decided against it when she discovered he was still stationary. They were sitting with their backs to the table, and were relatively close to the food line. There was a bit of a build up, to say the least, as to be expected. All those lucky basterds that got their hands on something to fill their bellies. The woman sitting next to him, however, was a force to be reckoned with, so he decided to just drop the argument and let his hunger go on. He'd get some food in him, soon enough. If not here, then maybe some of his mother's famous soup. All it would be was fish and celery placed in plain broth, but the way she did it always hit the spot.

Twiddling his thumbs, Will noticed a man beside the tables where the cooks worked, as he chatted with the one on the far right. He was leaning against it, his fingers interlaced, as he had a smile on his face. The cook in the exchange returned the gesture, as he worked with what looked like a gerbil in between his tongs. He wore an apron and a hair net, keeping what seemed like shaggy black hair back behind his neck, instead of out into the food. What did it matter, though. The people here would eat it, anyway.

He scooted down a seat, wanting to hear it. It was better than thinking of food, or his annoying sister denying him food, which pretty much fit under the same category. Speaking of the devil, she followed him down, keeping her side to his as he kept moving downward to hear the two men talk. Maybe it would be about the food, as the man on the right outside the tables looked pretty large and in charge. He was wearing a dark jean coat, grayed jeans, and boots, while his silver-brown hair fell in waves past what would be called short, but not to the point of long, either. He was laughing a hardy laugh, which was a tad contagious to the people around him.

"Don't move out of my reach, Will."

"These people don't look like savages, sis. Calm the fuck down."

"We can't tell a person by appearance, Will, and watch your language."

"Whatever, Mom."

She snorted, looking off again as Will continued his eavesdropping. He could just make out their voices.

"Pepsi? For real? Where'd the hell did you boys manage to find 'em?"

"You know that little strip mall a couple of miles down, in that little abandoned town?"

The man to the right nodded.

"Well, one of the coolers in the back of one of those convenience stores you find there had a whole stash of them. Enough to supply about half of our population. You should've seen the look on Eddie's face when he took the first sip."

The cook got a laugh.

"It's been years since I've gotten the luxury of soda, let along a _Pepsi!"_

"There's a stash of 'em right behind me. Help yourself, Tommy."

The man, Tommy, looked excited as he obliged. It took a matter of seconds before he was right back where he'd been since Will discovered him, a blue can in his hand with a red and dark blue pattern on the front that somewhat resembled Yin and Yang. A hiss came from him popping the top, and he took a large swig of his contents. It seemed like his face lit up with each gulp.

"My God... and it's carbonated."

"I know. We all expected it to be flat as hell. Must've had a streak of luck."

"You didn't happen to run across a voodoo priest or something along those lines on your rounds, did ya?"

The cook laughed.

"No, but I sure feel like I was blessed by one."

"I'll be honest though," Tommy continued, "I feel a bit bad about having one. You say that there's only enough for a few people."

"For about half to have just one. Maybe forty or fifty cans. Not to mention our guests."

"Damn, well..."

He began to hand it to the cook.

"...make sure to give it to somebody more deserving than me."

He was rewarded a look not just from the cook, but from Will, as well. He had no idea of what this _Pepsi_ was, but it sure as hell looked like something straight from heaven itself. Why would he just give something up that was that valuable?

"Tommy, in all honesty, of all the people here, you're probably one of the most deserving."

"I don't really know abo-"

"No buts about it, bud. It's yours. Not only that, you put your mouth on it. I don't think anybody's _that _desperate for a soda."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh... uh, you haven't heard?"

Tommy got a quizzical look on his face.

"What, Jack?"

"Well... the doctors talked to Maria recently, and..."

"Let me stop you right there, smart ass."

The cook, Jack, snickered like a mischievous boy on a school playground. He was obviously quite the joker around here.

Tommy smiled and shook his head, taking another sip of the mysterious holy grail, which again brightened his features. Will raised an eyebrow, wondering what it tasted like among other things, and what "carbonated" was like as a whole. If only his sister didn't have a ten inch pole up her ass, he'd be able to experience the marvelous sensation that apparently moved mountains.

Anyway, as Tommy and Jack continued their conversation, a blonde haired woman approached the former with a light-hearted expression, nudging him with her elbow over the Pepsi in his hand. Man, was it held high above their heads. She joined in on the conversation, as Jack told her the same story that he'd told Tommy.

"No shit?"

"Yes, ma'am. Forty to fifty cans worth. A pack right behind me if you want one."

The woman shook her head.

"I'm okay. Just checking in."

"You sure, Maria?"

"Yep. Not all that big on soda."

"Bullshit."

"Never was, even before the outbreak. Always upset my stomach."

"Really? How come I'd never heard this."

"You never brought it up."

Tommy chuckled.

"Okay, so how's it going."

"About as good as you'd expect. It's mostly quiet, although the north gate caught sight of some movement."

"Eh?"

Will leaned in on his chair a bit upon hearing that. It seems like he'd picked the right conversation to listen in on.

"Nothing serious. Just a stray runner here and there. Other than that, we appear to be golden."

"Good to hear," Tommy stated, raising his blue can in the air.

"Don't rub it in."

Tommy snickered, blushing all the same.

It was about here when the doors opened suddenly, as a couple of heads turned to look at the source. It happened every time someone entered the hall, as if everybody expected a crazy hunter with a machine gun to come running in. Will didn't blame them for being on edge, but the exaggeration was all the more amusing. It was always some random bystander, this one example being no exception, as a man who looked to be in his late forties came walking down the aisle. Determination was evident in his movements, as he approached the trio at the tables that Will had been watching for some time now. Tommy seemed to tense a little, Maria following in suit. However, they seemed to relax when the man came up along side them.

A hand on Tommy's shoulder, he said something inaudible to him as the look of concern seemed to show itself again rather quickly. What was up? Was there something to be worried about, or was this just personal?

It seemed to be the second, much to his relief, as Tommy nodded and said something along the lines of _okay, _before the two walked off together back where the man had come from. They were hasty, as if in a hurry, and Maria's face had tightened into a look of worry, to say the least. Jack, who'd glanced away for the time being, went on back to talking to Maria about something involving the fish, and how they still tasted a tad bit like the salt water they'd fished them out of, when his sister had his attention again.

"What," Will asked in monotone, yet annoyed voice.

"Don't draw attention to yourself by eavesdropping."

"Oh, for Christ's sake, what the hell else am I supposed to do, twiddle my thumbs."

"Anything but what you're doing."

"You sure are a stick in the mud."

She just grunted.

"You know, I'm getting fed up with your BS, you little brat, and frankly, I..."

She began to cough, much to Will's surprise, and they didn't sound healthy, either. It sounded like it originated from deep within.

However, she continued.

"...I feel as if I don't have to..."

The round continued despite her persistence to say what she need to, each burst sounding more and more violent. It grew to a point to where she had a sleeve over her mouth, trying to keep residue from flying all over everyone and their food. Boy, would they hear it for that one. It was when she pulled her sleeve back when Will felt his heart stop, the blood in his veins freezing as he nearly retched. It wasn't what he expected, at all, for how could he? Now, in a split second, the boy had gone from bored to terrified in seconds.

His sister's sleeve was stained with blood.

* * *

The cold, crisp air was much more welcoming than Joel would've initially thought as he stepped outside with his little brother, glad to be out of the chaos that was the clusterfuck inside the mess hall. As the doors closed behind them, they walked out into the curved street to the street railing that rested underneath the orange glow of a light post, as the old man leaned against the freezing metal. It was here that he was glad he wore the brown jacket over his plaid shirt, as it blocked the shock from entering his body, spasming his muscles. That was the last thing he needed Tommy to see, right now, was any sign of hesitation. Or fear, even. Surprisingly, Joel was nervous, as he came to realize how important their brotherhood actually was. What would it be like if he fucked up now, and they stopped talking. Ellie was enough, sure, but that didn't mean it would hurt any less.

Tommy walked up alongside him, the can of Pepsi from God knows where in his hand as he took a sip of it with every step. He seemed to be unable to go a few seconds without treating himself to the sharp flavor of the soda, something that he'd gone years without. Joel was lucky enough to have coffee at his fingertips, but now soda was in the picture? That was just something else, entirely. It made him grin, despite the circumstances, and that was enough to get him through the first sentence. It was always kicking it off that was the hardest. Once it got flowing, well it was a bit easier.

"My god, is that good."

"How in the hell did you get ahold of that, anyway?"

Tommy glanced at him, smiling.

"Good ol' Jack Harding. He and the boys made a run to the town miles up the road, and found a huge stash of the stuff. I think it was the same trip that gave you your coffee."

Joel looked confused.

"So, it sounds like you're saying that nobody thought of ransacking the place for well over two decades, not to mention initially when shit went down. You found coffee and soda in the same place, now how is that possible?"

"I guess I scratched the lucky lottery ticket."

"Sounds like it."

The two chuckled then, and it sounded refreshing. Hell, hours before, Joel almost threw a punch at his jaw, and had it not been for the newcomers, he would have. Now, they were cutting up about soda and coffee and the world that seemed to tease them at every turn. When you found luck, it seemed as if the cruel way of things turned on its heal to screw you hard afterward. It was funny looking at things like that, as it almost took the enjoyment out of things. Maybe it was the way of keeping things even around here, a natural equalizer, maybe.

If evil found luck, it was extinguished moments later. That sounded about right from what he'd seen over the years. An inevitable fire to purge the overgrown forest, if you will. So this left Joel wondering, when would he get his own?

"You want a sip," Tommy asked, breaking his train of thought.

He looked to the can, and then up at Tommy, and then back to the can, and so on. Joel was in disbelief that it was real life soda in his hand, right now, extended towards him. He could hear the contents swishing about on the inside, and he licked the inside of his lips as a result. Man, did that stuff look good. Joel wanted it pretty bad, but felt like it was inappropriate right now.

"I'm good, Tommy."

"Oh, no. Don't you tell me you ain't big on soda. I've already heard that BS from Mrs. Miller in there, and I must say..."

"I just ain't up for it, right now, that's all. I'll stick to my coffee."

"Joel, look what's in my hand right now. Look what you're about to pass up."

He did, and fuck, did he want the soda so very bad.

"Flat Pepsi. Sounds delicious."

"Nope. It's carbonated.

"_Carbonated?_"

"Oh yeah, big brother. You heard it here first."

Why was he delaying it. There was no resisting the urge that pulled him forward, that made him eventually give in and take the can from his brother's hand. As he brought the can to his lips, the cold metal reassuring as he closed his eyes, the bliss that shook his body when the fluid met his tongue was indescribable. It was carbonated, as the sharp sting that followed made him shiver with joy. It felt thick going down, but it was a sensation he thought he'd never feel again, so saying he was more than pleased was an understatement.

"I knew you'd come to your senses."

Joel pulled the can from his mouth, grinning wide, and laughed. It was truly amazing to have such a luxury back, again. The shit they took for granted so long ago, it could drive someone insane thinking about it. He couldn't stop thinking about it, so he raised the can again to take another swig.

"Whoa there, cowboy. Hold up. This un' here's mine. You want one, you can get yourself a can from inside."

"How many?"

Tommy smiled again.

"Forty to fifty cans."

Joel whistled low, rubbing his beard as he couldn't believe his ears. He thought for a split second that he was dreaming this conversation.

"That's insane."

"I know."

"I'll have to talk to Jack myself about this."

Tommy nodded.

"Believe me, we're doing okay."

They stood there under the light, watching Jackson underneath them as they did so in silence. Their perch was perfect, giving a big view of the town, as the mess hall sat on a decently sized hill. The county was growing, and growing rapidly. It was uncanny. Delightful, and uncanny at the same time. Joel could hear Tommy sipping the can, and each time, he felt a pang of jealousy towards him.

Soda, of all things. He had to make sure he got Ellie one.

That's when his thought process made a full circle, and returned back to the reason why he stood here in the first place. Looking at Tommy, who looked thoughtfully out into the night as well, he pressed his lips in a fine line and gazed downward. What was there to say, really? I'm sorry? I'll do better next time? Would there even be a next time?

"Look, Joel. About earlier... I guess I can see where you're coming from."

"My suspicions are mine, Tommy. They shouldn't sway your opinion. My actions were rash, and I understand. Just, after being in the hell I had experienced, I can't find myself trusting people anymore."

Tommy looked over at Joel.

"Do you trust me?"

Joel met his gaze here.

"Of course I do."

"With your life?"

"Yes."

"With Ellie's?"

There was a hesitation, one that Tommy expected however, before Joel responded.

"Yes."

He nodded.

"Letting these people in is a risk, Joel. A big risk, probably Jackson's biggest."

"It may be beneficial for us in the future, Tommy. Who knows."

His resignation was surprising Tommy. He'd never been one to do something like this.

"What's with the change of heart."

Joel shrugged.

"I don't know. It's just, that girl back at home has me thinking, you know."

"How so?"

Joel cocked his head.

"Something about her, Tommy. I don't know, she does something to me. It's like..."

He paused, not sure how to continue.

"It's like I can't breath without her. She means the world to me, and... well... I guess I proved that, huh?"

Tommy chuckled.

"Yeah, big brother. I believe you did."

Joel returned the gesture, as he itched his nose. A brief silence found them again, but was growing more and more comfortable as the tense atmosphere began to lift off their shoulders. It was as if there'd been a weight there, drowning them in the very mud they walked on. That in itself was just as uncanny as the soda in Tommy's hand.

"Back in that restaurant," he continued, "back where Ellie had... well..."

Tommy looked to him, listening.

"Yeah?"

Joel hesitated, not sure if he was ready to tread down this path.

"When I found her there, above that maniac that haunts her to this day, I saw her unlike I had ever before. She did something to me, Tommy, like I said."

This was a new side of Joel, one that Tommy hadn't seen in such a long time. He briefly wondered if he'd been drinking.

"Her face was covered in blood, her whole body shook. It was like he'd taken a piece of her away, like he'd killed a small bit of her on the inside... and I hadn't been there to stop him."

"There was nothing you could've done."

"I could've gotten there sooner."

"When was this? Right after you'd woken up?"

Joel nodded.

"That's just it. How do you expect to do such a think with a wound like that? You did all you could with all you had."

"But it cost me a part of Ellie, Tommy. She's never been the same."

The resulting silence hurt, as Tommy was shocked to find tears in his big brother's eyes.

"When I found her, she broke down in my arms, and cried so hard. Cried like I'd never seen anybody cry before. It broke me, brother, to see her like that. To see the most... enthusiastic and... giddy person like her brought so low. So I cried right along with her."

"Joel..."

"I'd lost so much, Tommy. I'd lost everything to this hell. This world took everything from me. So you know what?"

He looked at Tommy with a fire in his eyes.

"I stole her from the world."

Tommy curled his lips, nodding. His free hand stuffed in his pocket, as he inhaled deeply through his nose. What a revelation this was, and what a moment for Joel. He'd never seen him like this, ever. Not before the outbreak, not after.

When Sarah died, she took a chunk of Joel with her, and he was a broken man since. He was silent for almost years afterward, crying everyday, unable to voice his emotions, unable to share them. Tommy was heartbroken to see this, as he seemed to fade away more and more every day. Sure, Sarah was buried, but Joel almost seemed more dead than his deceased daughter. It was so darkening to watch such a thing happen.

Now, he saw all that come out, as this girl had cracked through the shell that had built up over him as time went on. He had to congratulate her, in a way, for doing something he had never been able to.

"When I said that I understood, Joel, I didn't mean them."

He gestured towards the mess hall behind him, and Joel looked back to his brother.

"I meant St. Mary's. Salt Lake, and what you did."

His gaze drifted to the sky, which had now disappeared under the layer of clouds. He couldn't find the words to continue.

"I just... I can't agree with your actions. What you did was bad, yes. You killed many people, Joel. Many who didn't deserve it. Family men."

Joel didn't argue. He just watched. Something was different this time, and it was refreshing all the same.

"You took her choice from her, Joel. One that she should've made on her own, but one that Marlene took from her."

Joel raised his eyebrows, shocked at his brother. Was hearing this right?

"You may have not of done the right thing, but you did what you had to. For her. I get why, Joel. She means everything to you, and I couldn't ask you to sacrifice another daughter for the world that had taken what you loved most away. Hell, I don't know what I would've done in your shoes.

"So, I can come to accept it. I don't agree with it, but I understand your reasoning, and that you did what you could with the shitty hand you'd been dealt with."

"Thank you, Tommy. Seriously... it means a lot."

"You need somebody at your side, Joel. I' d like it to be me, at least."

Joel offered his hand to shake, in amendment, but his brother didn't take it. Instead, he embraced his older brother, which was rewarded with a look of shock. However, this hesitation didn't last long, as he returned it, patting Tommy's back as he did so. The two brothers stood that way for a while, the night dragging onward into the later hours as they did so, until they finally separated. Tommy patted Joel's shoulder, grinning.

It was now when a snow had begun to fall around them, light as flurries, but snow none the less.

"Huh, and here I thought we were done with this BS."

Joel shrugged.

"Ellie will be happy if we end up with a few feet."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Never took her as a winter person."

Rubbing his hands through his gray hair, Joel breathed a sigh of relief, thankful to bring this to an end. Maria had exited the building, and trotted up to the two of them with a hopeful look on her face.

"I assume everything is good?"

Tommy nodded, smiling. Joel had the same expression, much to her relief.

"Everything is great, now. No more stress."

"Good to hear, you two. I thought I was going to have to send the two of you on a romantic getaway at some point to make up. You know, like in those dumb soaps."

They both laughed.

"Don't get me started on that shit."

Joel, hands in his pockets, nodded to the two of them as he began to turn to walk home, when Tommy stopped him.

"Just promise me one thing, brother."

He looked over his shoulder, backing it up a few steps as he listened in.

"You tell that girl of yours the truth at some point, ya hear."

He frowned a little, but nodded.

"At some point, I plan on it."

"She deserves the truth Joel. You and I both know that. You owe her that much."

He kept nodded, when Maria caught his attention.

"Speaking of which, here..."

She tossed Joel a can of Pepsi, which he thankfully caught. God forbid he dropped it, and it exploded all over the asphalt.

"For Ellie."

"Thank you."

He smiled, and walked on down the road back home, Maria calling to him as he descended down the hill.

"Oh, and make sure you talk to that girl, Esther, as well. She's been asking about you."

"Yeah, yeah," was his response.

* * *

It was funny that she mention it, because he actually found her still walking the streets as he returned to the house. She seemed to just be walking around, pacing the streets as if something were on her mind. Odd enough, considering the circumstances he'd just dealt with, but that really wasn't important now. Everything was good, as far as he knew, so meeting with this girl and talking to her again didn't seem much like a crime, at all.

Raising an eyebrow at her, he gave her a friendly smile.

"What are you still doing out?"

Esther shrugged, running her fingers through her hair as she appeared to be a little nervous.

"Oh, you know. Watching the stars."

Joel looked to the sky, and then back at her.

"I see what you did there."

"Ah, see. I can be funny when I want to be."

They stood just in front of the steps that led to the porch, Esther's hand's now stuffed in her pockets as she rubbed a pattern on the sidewalk with the tip of her shoe. Her rough face was kind of contradictory to her personality, but Joel let that pass. She was an incredibly nice girl, and he found himself growing more lucky by the minute.

_Just invite her in for coffee, Joel. Nothing more. No need to get too involved, yet._

"So, uh..."

She looked at him enthusiastically.

"Hey, I can talk to you tomorrow. I realize it's late, so I should be returning home."

"No, it's fine. I haven't really been able to find sleep, anyway."

"You an insomniac?"

"No, well, I can't sleep much, but I don't think it's anything clinical.

She nodded, pursing her lips.

"I see."

"You can come in if you want. I can make us some coffee."

Her face brightened, as she smiled.

"Okay, sure."

She sounded happy, anyway, as they entered the house. The living room light was on, as they found Grant watching an old favorite of Joel's on the television. Christopher Nolan's take on Batman, to be precise, as he watched the Joker laugh on screen as the titular character beat him to a pulp in the interrogation room. An intense soundtrack played in the background, where Grant actually moaned as they entered. Pausing it mid-sentence, he looked up at the duo.

"Bad timing," Joel asked.

"You have no idea."

They chuckled.

"There's no way you haven't seen that, before."

"I haven't."

"Grant, what do you do in your spare time?"

"Joel, I am a doctor, you know."

"But you don't get time to yourself? You're always working?"

"Whatever. Look, I'll get out of your hair, so you two can have some alone time, you know."

"You can borrow the movie, if you'd like."

His face seemed to brighten up at that. He ejected the disk and placed it in its case, before headed to the door to embark back to his own home, probably to pick up right where he left of.

"You sure you don't need me tonight. I can stick around if you need the extra hand."

"I appreciate it, but I've got it covered. Nothing I can't handle."

"If she endures another attack, Joel, you call me up right away."

_Endure._ The word caught his attention for some reason.

"Sure thing."

Grant nodded, before leaving, the screen popping shut behind him. Esther gave Joel a look, as he shut the door behind the good doctor.

"An attack? What does he mean by that?"

"Ellie's been having some anxiety issues, lately," he responded. "Don't worry about it, she's fine, it's just that it can get extreme at times."

She seemed to get a guilty look on her face for a split second, before nodding. It was gone as quick as it appeared, like it had just flashed over her face. Headed to the kitchen, she beat Joel to the Keurig, much to his dismay.

"Hey, I got that. Don't worry about it."

"Joel, I'm good. I know how to run a coffee machine. Just sit down and make yourself comfortable."

"You're my guest. It should be the other way around."

"Well, not when you're dealing with the likes of me."

Joel chuckled, but took note of the near itching sensation in the back of his head, making him wince. This was when he mentally hit himself. What in God's name was he thinking, with Ellie up stairs. He didn't even blink, headed towards the staircase and up to where Ellie slept, still slapping himself over his stupidity.

Peeking into the room, he found Ellie right where he left her, nuzzling into the pillow and softly snoring. The poor thing still had bags under her eyes, but seemed to be at peace for the time being. He hoped that he was right, because she deserved a good night's rest, especially with tomorrow. Why was he pursuing this tonight, of all nights? He should be caring for her, not flirting with the blonde downstairs. What was he thinking? Did he hit his head at some point, and can't recall doing so? Pinching his nose, exhaling deeply, he cursed as he tried to find a way to make this work.

_Just drink a cup of coffee with her, and that's it. Don't be rude, just a cup. Talk to her, be friendly with her. That's all, and then send her on her marry way. You've got priorities here, Joel._

Despite the simplicity of the task he gave himself, it was difficult at the same time, because she had already pretty much settled in. Damn, why did he do this to himself. Why did she have to be _right there_ when he had walked home. Joel would be where he belonged, alongside Ellie. Now, he had to take care of a household guest, one that seemed to quite possibly have a chance of being something more than a friend. What if sending her away strained any chances of her ever attempting and advance again, considering how many times he's brushed her off? _Why tonight, of all fuckin' nights._

"_Joel,"_ Esther whispered in a hushed yet noticeable pitch.

Joel looked down to see her at the bottom of the stairs, two coffee mugs in her hands. They were steaming, filled with cream, and he could already smell the glorious beverage.

"Hazelnut?"

"Yeah. It's my favorite. Why?"

"No reason. It's just my usual choice."

"Hmm. Looks like we have something in common, then."

"Guess so."

Their whispered died out, as Esther gestured him over to the living room. Joel looked back at Ellie thoughtfully, biting his lip as he tried to think of what to do, what to say. How do you go about something like this?

Turning away hesitantly, looking back each step as if she'd be gone in a split second, he sighed and shuffled down the steps, where he found Esther comfortably sitting on the lover's seat across from the sofa. She smiled at him, handing him his mug as he took it with a nod, before resting in the seat with a grunt. Each joint creaked as he did so, gritting his teeth the whole way down. Shit, he was getting old.

Taking a sip of her drink, Esther closed her eyes as she enjoyed the flavors that it supplied. Joel had to keep reminding himself that the drink was hard to come by these days, as it was easy to slip back into the old ways of thinking when it becomes common in your situation. It was amusing watching her reaction, as if it was the first time she'd ever had the stuff.

Joel remembered Ellie's first taste of the drink, and then wiping up the contents from the table that she'd spit out a couple seconds later. She'd been so sorry, but he couldn't stop laughing at the whole thing. How do you get mad at something like that?

"How long has it been since I've had one of these?"

"Way too long," Joel answered for her, as he sipped at his mug.

It tasted so good, despite the stale texture to it.

"It's funny. Me and my sister would go to coffee places, like Starbucks and all, and order a good cup of Joe and some sort of breakfast before headed off to class."

"Class?"

"College."

"Oh."

He took another sip, each rewarding him with the smooth pleasure that flowed down his throat.

"What did you want to major in, exactly?"

_Don't talk to her too long, Joel. Remember whose upstairs._

Esther shrugged.

"I don't know, for sure. I'd just returned home from two tours, so college was kind of new for me, even at twenty six years old."

"Whoa, hold up. Two tours? You served?"

Esther grinned, and nodded with pride.

"United States Marine Corps, and proud of it."

"No kidding!"

"I'm serious. Was stationed on a ship for most of it, though. Met some fascinating people, I must say. Saudi Arabia stands out in my mind, just because of the way people lived there."

"What about it."

"It was probably how your left hand was looked at as obscene."

Joel was completely lost, and Esther chuckled.

"You ate, wrote, and did pretty much every other everyday activity with your right hand only. Doing otherwise was an offensive gesture. Pretty much the bird to us."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

She smiled even more.

"Well, turns out, you wipe the shit from your ass with the left."

"_What?_"

"I'm not joking. Saw a man do it right out the window of my plane when we landed. Scooped it up and shook it right off onto the ground."

"...and I thought we only do that now."

She gave him a somewhat disgusted look.

"You do that?"

He pursed his own lips, before shrugging.

"Well, when I needed to."

She laughed.

"Well, anyway, I traveled, got to see the world. My second tour was in Iraq, pretty much fighting the war on terror."

God, was that a huge problem back then. He hadn't thought of it in years.

"Ever see any action?"

"Once. Guarding a convoy as it traveled through a town. The locals were a bit riled up, so we had to resort to drastic measures at some point."

Joel nodded.

"It got pretty bad, and this one kid ended up running into the path of our vehicles. It was the strangest sight I'd ever seen. What was worse was when we saw the grenade in his hand..."

Her features had grown dark, as Joel was a tad shocked at this look into her past. All this time, and he'd never known she'd been a devil dog, among all things. It meant she knew how to kill with her bare hands. _Better stay on her good side._

He realized that this subject was getting a bit too deep, as she seemed troubled by this memory. Joel remembered seeing this shit on the news, that the locals resorted to sending their kids into the fire to kill off as many American soldiers as possible. It was way beyond fucked up. He had always kept Sarah away from the screen when they talked about this. Luckily, he was able to keep her shield of ignorance held up long enough.

"You said you had a sister?"

She nodded, her grin returning. She seemed thankful that the subject had been changed.

"Yeah. Alice. Little Alice, as I called her. She followed me everywhere, Joel, since we were in diapers, and it was the cutest thing. She always took after me. Doing what I liked, even when she seemed to be bored of whatever it was. It was great having her around."

"It sounds past tense."

Her face went dark again, and he realized that this was a nerve. The smile was gone, as her thoughts were miles away.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"No, you're fine. Just a sensitive topic, that's all."

"I see."

She nodded.

"She was killed when the outbreak started. Nothing could be done for her. It's as simple as that."

Joel frowned, the similarities were crazy.

"What about you? Did you have somebody before the outbreak."

This was uncharted territory. They'd tried this earlier, walking to the mess hall on the streets, and weeks before on a date that hadn't gone anywhere. It was strange, that they kept ending up here, on this same topic.

"Yeah. A daughter."

She grinned.

"Was she as good looking as you?"

Joel raised an eyebrow, and she immediately looked embarrassed. It was obvious those words came out before she could snatch them back. Instead of making it awkward, Joel actually laughed.

"Better, actually," he said, still chuckling. "God, she was gorgeous."

"What was her name?"

"Sarah. She was twelve when the CBI hit, just a little thing."

His own features were growing grim, no. How did they end up here all the time. Was it inevitable to end up on such a dark topic. Was this how the world worked, now?

"Wait? How old are you, now?"

"49. Why?"

"...this means that you were 28 when it hit, right?"

"Yep."

"...which also means you were sixteen when she was born."

"That's right."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I had her kinda young. I guess that kinda thing happens, you know."

She nodded. A silence fell over them, as Esther toyed with her mug that had almost been drained. Joel, despite himself, felt something stirring in his gut. Anxiety, maybe? Nerves? Or was it excitement?

_No, Joel. Whatever you're thinking, the answer is no. You need to get back to her. She needs you right now._

His guilt was rising, as he tried to fight the conflict. A cliched angel and demon sat on each shoulder, attempting to drag him in two different directions.

"It was a nice chat, and all, but I think I should get back, however."

Joel nodded.

"Okay.

"You know... I don't want to keep you up."

"It's fine. I understand, no worries."

Esther placed the mug on the counter, before headed to the door. Joel, naturally, walked over with her to let her out. His heart pounded against his rib cage, and for some odd reason, he felt increasingly nervous.

_Ellie. Don't forget about Ellie._

"So, I guess I'll see you around?"

Esther grinned at him.

"Yeah. I enjoy our talks. It's fun."

_Fun? Ouch._

That usually doesn't mean what you want it to.

As she smiled at him, and began to open the door, his thoughts went back to his wife from before the outbreak. Before Ellie, before Sarah. The woman who'd turned his world upside down, and had changed his life pretty much forever. He remembered the void she'd left, and what it had done to him as a whole. Had he ever been the same, again? He remembered the feeling of her lips, the softness, the sensation, as he wished he could feel the warmth of a romantic embrace one more time, at least. And here he was, putting a hand on Esther's shoulder.

"Hmm?"

_Don't do it._

He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, a spark of embarrassment already flowing through him as he regretted the action. Her eyes were bugged out of her skull, as she looked back at him with awe as he pulled away. His mouth in a thin line, he shrugged at her, hoping that he didn't just fuck everything up.

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking, and..."

It was Esther's turn to surprise him. She leaned back, and planted her lips against his, silencing him. A rush of adrenaline kicked through his body, as he was unable to close his eyes, staring straight ahead as he kissed her back. It was insane, as he hadn't done this in over twenty years, as he placed a hand on her cheek. He was finally able to close his eyes, as his head floated away on a cloud, his skin covered in goosebumps. Joel's breath was gone, as he didn't know if it would be possible to retain it. When the woman in front of him pulled away, she was grinning ear to ear.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

"Wow, Joel. You're a natural."

He smiled, despite himself.

"Well, I've never been one to disappoint, you know..."

Esther giggled, bother her hands on his cheeks, as she kicked the open door closed behind her.

_I'm a fucking idiot._

* * *

The room in the back of the first floor was ideal, as the bed was able to support them both. Joel's heart raced against his chest, his eyesight blurred as he felt Esther's naked body against his own. Her lips were clamped hard against his, passionately moving against them as her fingers raked his back. The cold touch of her skin sent chills down his spine, as he placed one hand on her own bare back. His other pushed through her blonde hair, strands spilling through his fingers. The two rolled, Joel on top of her, as he moved his kisses down her neck, her mouth open as she grinned with delight.

His nose against her collar bone, his arms wrapped now tightly around her, he pressed his lips against her pale flesh as she grabbed his graying hair tightly, their hands and mouths exploring places they hadn't gone to in such a long time. It was alien to Joel, such an action, as he kept on with his movements. Esther's grin never left her face, even as Joel returned to kiss them. He couldn't help but smile a bit himself as they made love in that small, singe person bed in the guest room nobody ever used in that damned house.

Her legs wrapped around his, her arms around his neck, she enjoyed his company, and he returned the same feeling. Enjoyment. Happiness. Ecstasy. As they went onward, growing more and more passionate as time went on, poring all the pent up emotion into it, Joel felt himself sweating. He gritted his teeth, among other things, as he fell victim to it all. It was a pleasure that he hadn't felt in years.


	12. We Keep Our Pasts to Ourselves

**A/N: No Author's Note.**

* * *

**Chapter 12: We Keep Our Pasts to Ourselves**

* * *

The screams and clicks were all he needed to hear to know that something was severely wrong. They were distant, oily almost in nature, the source of the sounds clouded from his vision by the thick fog the falling snow created to mask his body. A hand in front of his face was no help, nor was the frequent blinks in hope to wipe them off his corneas like windshield wipers. Mother nature worked against him, pushing his body further and further away from his goal as he could almost make out the shadows of two people, struggling against the other. They both looked familiar, way too familiar.

Each step required the full extent of his leg, as he raised one to match the depth of the snow, pushing down into the glue like substance and repeating the process with the other. Wind burned his face as the cold turned hot with intensity, until the top layers of skin were purely numbed. His eyes hurt, dry and bloodshot even after he clenched them shut. No helpful tears came to quench the thirst of his eyes, so he had to substitute with his fingers as he drove them deep into the sockets, rubbing rapidly to keep the rawness away. He only increased it.

The screams belonged to a woman, as the attacker made itself out to be the same. Each had a grip on each other's shoulders, one actually trying to sink its teeth into the other. The attacks appeared to be rampant, incessant, as the victim was driven literally to her knees. The attacker, what he made out to be a clicker, was winning the fight with ease. Through the winds and the screams and the clicks, he heard the abomination's jaws chopping away at empty air, as they longed for the fleshy resistance it would receive on a successful blow. Both shadows were about the same size, and despite the fact that he gained ground, they didn't seem to be getting any closer.

_"Joel..."_

The victim knew his name. Surprising. The shocker was the familiarity in her voice, as he tried to rack his brain as to who it belonged to. It could be anybody, really. The inability to hear his surroundings well as the mixed signals messing with his sense of direction prevented him from pointing out the identity, but the nagging sensation in the back of his head drove him a little faster into the storm that enveloped the three.

The clicker's sounds grew more vicious, and more terrifying. The victim's screams also grew more desperate. Originally, they'd been somewhat determined, almost like loud grunts and squeals as the victim herself was seemingly certain that she'd get herself out of the predicament she found herself in. Now? They were of a losing side, almost of submission, of defeat, and of horror. All in one, these emotions presented themselves, and the victim was lowering slowly to the ground as the clicker grew more and more excited.

A pistol in his hand, his steady pace grew unsteady, a brisk run through the brisk air as the world held him back. It was like a fight on a school yard, as some unknown force held him back as to not get involved. No interference, or no more violence to be had. This was enough. This would be it. The victim seemed to be more and more on her own as the time went by. It was odd, that trees would enter his vision as the fog like snow revealed the trunks, but the shadows of his targets did not falter.

"_Joel..."_

Her voice belonged to one of a teenager, and he made the connection. Actually, somehow, even with his confusion, he'd already known. Ellie was in trouble, and called desperately for him. For her knight in shining armor, her deus ex machina. He pushed hard into the blizzard with the gun raised high, but the barrel swayed with the wind, making a clean shot to the clicker impossible no matter how close he could get. It's roars and bellows were actually a bit soft, chirping and spasming as it used mother nature to its will. There was a femininity to it. A child like manor, as well. The host must've belonged to a girl, as well.

Dread filled him on the inside, as he kept fighting his own fight. He had to reach her, even if it wasn't meant to be.

Raspy whispers filled his ears, as more and more shadows filled the horizon surrounding the three.

_You can't save her_.

He held the pistol high, trying to get a shot. The clicker chomped down hard, getting closer and closer to Ellie's face with each advance. He could make out her frightened face, as her only way of defense was her arm, planted on its throat. She was on her back, now, holding the monstrosity off for as long as it would take for him to get to her.

_ How long until she's mauled by a pack of clickers...?_

The clicker croaked.

_That is if she hadn't been raped and murdered, first..._

He grimaced, trying to get closer. He wanted to call out to her. He wanted to will her to hang on, that he was coming.

_She's alive... Sh-She's David's newest pet..._

Her cries for him were almost withered out, as her strength faded away from her. The tears were there now, as he couldn't get close enough. Every time he held the pistol, he feared that the shot would hit her instead of the clicker.

He bit down hard onto his lip, chewing the drying flesh as he felt his knees giving out on him, as his body began to shut down. His arms shook, his fingers losing their feeling. The pistol was barely in his grasp by the time he reached the two, the moment the storm finally let him get close enough. They still remained a distant away, but both Ellie and the clicker were in plain sight. Even the thick snow couldn't prevent him from seeing. Holding the pistol up, the clicker's back to him, he watched for an opening.

The two were struggling so hard, their heads bobbing this way and that. There was no clear shot to be had. He had to take a gamble.

His hesitation had let the clicker get its jaws on her shoulder, tearing shirt and flesh as she screamed. He tried to scream back, but no words were able to come. Blood pored from the wound, as she lost so much of her power in the process. The clicker slumped further down on top of her, and that's when he saw her face.

The clicker was dressed in purple and blue pajamas, and blonde hair fell in twisted, tangled knots. He recognized the mutilated face of his daughter the second his tormented eyes laid on it, and something inside him died forever. Ellie looked to him with a pleading face, his shot still not clear. However, his finger lifted slightly from the trigger, as the monster that used to be the witty, intelligent Sarah attempted again to bite a chunk out of the girl underneath.

Whether or not he had an open shot, he found in horror that he was unable to pull the trigger. With all his might, he couldn't. The mechanism was stuck, and his numb fingers nearly broke against it.

_What's this?_

_ Your birthday._

The two girls rolled, and he found his daughter's head in his crosshairs. He croaked from a sob, as Sarah's jaws pushed for Ellie's neck. She screamed.

_You like it?_

He nearly couldn't see either of them, anymore. He was losing his chance, and the trigger would not pull.

_This is our song, Joel._

He bit his tongue hard, and blood gushed from the resulting wound.

_You promise me that you'll never leave me._

The tears streamed down his cheeks. He tried to pull the trigger one last time, as Ellie let out one final scream.

* * *

Joel awoke with a start, the real world welcoming him back with open arms as he embraced it. Panting, his body caked in a cold sweat, he found himself sitting up right in the bed. His hands were curled into fists, clutching the blanket tightly to the point where his knuckles were whiter than the sheets. His surroundings were a blur, as he tried to recollect himself. The intense ringing in his ear that can be found after a nightmare's stunning climax began to fade away as he placed his palm against the crown of his forehead. Joel let the muscles in his face relax, as he breathed in.

Running his fingers through his hair, he blinked a few times and calmed himself, coming to terms that what he'd just experienced was nothing more than a bad dream. Just a simple projection of self consciousness, and that was that. Joel's heart came to a stop when he questioned if the screams of his dream had been real, and that the real Ellie upstairs was once again having an episode. Holding his breath, he looked in an upward direction, listening to the house and the outside.

Nothing. Silence.

Exhaling with a deep edge to its tone, he rubbed his eyes and shifted in the bed. His feet came to the cold floor underneath, and it sent shivers through his body. The mattress actually creaked, as he sensed movement behind him. The tense atmosphere he himself had set wasn't a helping factor, as he turned to look over his shoulder. All he saw was Esther's back, as she still slept away. Her blonde hair was messy, as her barefeet poked out of the blankets at the bottom of the bed.

Joel felt a small grin tug his cheeks, as he stood from the mattress and walked over to the end of the bed. He began to pull his memories back together, as he looked down to see both their clothes discarded across the floor. Realizing that he had nothing on his body at the moment, he was quick to replace his underwear and jeans. Not bothering with a shirt or socks, he shuffled quietly over to the door, where he saw Esther snoozing. Her face looked pained, actually.

Odd, considering her ecstatic demeanor the previous night. Her brow was pointed, and her eyes were tightly shut. Was she experiencing the same that he had only minutes before, or was it simply a troubled look. Walking over to her bedside, looking down at her, he felt his guilt begin to build over again. Why was he here, with this woman, instead of with the person that should be, and is, his number one priority? What was he thinking, last night?

Despite this, he almost wished that she would wake just for a moment, just so that he could see her eyes again.

Esther had a beautiful pair of golden eyes.

Breathing deeply again, before exhaling quickly with a determined tone, he turned on his heal and left the room, his clothing under his arm.

It didn't take long for Joel to notice the lack of morning light, so the sun wasn't necessarily up, yet. This was perfect, considering his plans. Ellie, fast asleep (thankfully) would soon be griping to him about how she wanted an extra few minutes of shut eye. He already had a response planned, as he tiptoed up the steps to the bathroom the two shared. Scratching the space behind his ear as he walked in, after pulling the door to, he took hold of his toothbrush and began to follow his daily morning routine.

The dream that night still racked his brain, as Joel attempted to erase the images away with each scratch and rub to his forehead. The dim light he'd flicked on showed his aging features in the slightly cracked mirror they'd been supplied with by his younger brother. It was all they could get, and there was no need for complaints, anyway.

God, Joel thought to himself. Sarah would've been 33 today.

He could only imagine what Ellie would be feeling. He'd never really heard much about her friend, accept a birthdate and a cause of death. The same cause as most others in this world would suffer. It was almost considered natural causes, really. That moment when your luck leaves you, and your time comes.

_You tell that girl of yours the truth..._

_Shit,_ Joel thought.

He had to, didn't he. Seriously, she deserved as much, right? Would today be the right day, or should he wait?

All things considered, Joel found himself considering something he thought he would never even give a second thought about for the remainder of his days. He could still remember the look on her face a year earlier, as they approached Jackson for the second time, but legitimately the first.

_Swear to me that everything you said to me about the Fireflies is true._

A pause.

_I swear._

He cringed. Every time he played that conversation through his head, he did this. Who was he to think the girl was so ignorant, she wouldn't at least think something was up.

_Okay._

Joel looked at the mirror, watching himself as the toothbrush hung out of the corner of his mouth. Biting into the bristles, the minty flavor intensifying as it liquefied and dribbled down his throat, he coughed to a degree before taking it swiftly from his lips. Smacking them, he studied his features and the glance and vibe his eyes gave made him sigh.

"Ellie... I feel like I need to tell you something..."

Joel shook his head.

"No..."

Clearing his throat, he gave it a second go.

"Ellie... there's been something I've been meaning to talk to you about. Something quite important..."

Shrugging, Joel blinked, and adverted his gaze from the mirror, before looking back to it.

"Ellie, there's something I've been meaning to tell you..."

Nodding, he rubbed his chin.

"...I haven't been able to find the words for it, but I believe you deserve the truth..."

_The truth._

"My story was a lie, Ellie..."  
No, that didn't work.

"That's shit..."

He cleared his throat again.

"Ellie... what I said back in the car, on the way to Jackson. It wasn't necessarily the full truth..."

_It wasn't anywhere near the fuckin' truth._

"No, Joel. That doesn't work, either."

He kept going through the trial and error, attempting to perfect his speech that he would give.

"If you're mad at me, I understand. You have every right to be. I feel, however, that..."

_How do I feel? _

"Shit..."

Rubbing his brow, he put the brush down and spit, realizing that the paste was still in his mouth. Once it was gone, he looked back up into the glass, his own image staring back.

"Ellie, I did what I did to protect you. To give you a second chance. You didn't deserve to die for a world that was too far gone. Not the world I lived through for twenty years, that I've seen do terrible things. You are the light that I follow, Ellie. Not them, but you..."

_You are the light that I follow._

Joel chuckled to himself.

"That's just fucking corny, Joel. What the fuck are you thinking."

Scenarios played out in his head, from Ellie just accepting it and moving on (highly unlikely), to a complete blowout in which she wants nothing to do with him anymore.

"What if she argues that I took her choice away. What do I say then? What if she wanted to be on that table?"

Itching his nose, he exhaled again and thought it over. Joel was losing time, and he knew that. Either they'd miss their window, or Ellie herself would wake and discover him talking to himself in the mirror. Either she'd slam him hard over it, laughing her ass off, or she'd overhear what he was saying, and...

"No, Joel. Don't worry about that. Worry about later."

He scanned his head for an answer. The scenarios played along.

_You took my choice away, Joel! It was none of your business!_

"There was no guarantee that it would work, Ellie, and they weren't even going to give you a choice."

_We should've at least tried, and you know damn good and well Marlene knew me better than you, so why do you think that I wouldn't of gone through with it._

"You deserve to live a full life, Ellie. You deserve so much more."

_I deserve the chance to right my wrongs, Joel. I deserve the chance to see them again._

Dammit. He knew there would be no talking his way around it. When he brought it up, tensions would rise, and hateful words would be thrown back and forth. He dreaded it so much, his gut wrenched.

She deserved to know. She needed to know.

"I'm sorry, Ellie. If you don't forgive me, then fine. I couldn't lose another d..."

He trailed off, as he looked back from the mirror and shut his eyes. His fists tightened again, gripping the sides of the sink.

_I don't want anything to do with you, anymore Joel. We're done!_

He grimaced.

_We're done!_

He hit the sink, shaking the soap dispenser and toothbrushes that sat on it. The rattling was a little loud, and he regretted it as soon as he did it. Turning away from the mirror, he breathed in deeply, his palms on his face. Biting into his gums, he cursed himself mentally for ever of lying to her in the first place. At least, then, they could've built off of honesty, not lies.

How could he of been so deceitful to the two people left on this planet that mattered to him? How could he be so selfish.

_You're not my daughter._

He lowered his head, grunting loudly.

_...and I sure as hell ain't your dad._

A light knock came from the door that startled Joel out of his thoughts. His fingers left the scar that ran through the bridge of his nose, as he turned to answer.

"Yeah?"

His voice was low.

"Are you okay in there?"

It was Ellie. Shit, how loud had he been?

"I- I'm okay, baby girl. Just stubbed my damn foot."

He could hear her chuckling from behind the door. Good, she hadn't heard him talking to himself.

"That sucks."

"You're telling me."

There was a pause, as Ellie stood on the other side of the door, waiting for him.

"So... are you done in there... or...?"

Looking back to the mirror, his conflicted expression still evident, before sighing deeply to himself and clenching his fists. Joel was going to tell her. When they were out in the forest, where they could have some time to themselves, he would tell her. It would be today. No more delay, no more wait. It was going to be fucking today.

"I'm just wrapping up. Gimme a sec."

Grabbing the nearest towel, he wiped his face dry and proceeded to leave the bathroom, Ellie swiftly taking his place. Before he could walk the hall back to the room, she poked her head out with a quizzical look.

"Joel?"

Her tone was humorous.

"Hmm?"

"Do we have company downstairs?"

He froze, his mouth slightly ajar as he tried to find an excuse. How in the hell did she know that?

"Errr..."

She laughed, shaking her head, before closing the door behind her.

* * *

The gunshot rang proudly through the trees as the rifle fired, and the deer's hide squirted blood like a garden hose as soon as the bullet hit its mark. The animal squealed, and didn't even take the time to run before it was on its side. It squirmed for a second or two, before becoming still completely, taking its final breath. Pulling the bolt back, the spent cartridge spilling to the ground underneath, Ellie half grinned against the stock of the rifle, releasing her breath in pants.

Joel, who shared the same perch as her, patted her on the shoulder.

"A clean kill. Nice job, kiddo."

Separating her cheek from the stock, she blew air from her mouth and wiped the sweat from her brow. The shot was still echoing through the forest as she pushed herself off of the ground. Joel, strapping his own weapon over his shoulder, came to his feet and pushed through the undergrowth as he left their hideout, advancing towards the dead deer. Ellie followed in suit, ecstatic, and gave a light jog to catch up with her guardian. The tips of his boots dotted red as he strode through the blood that poured from the wound given, as he inspected the animal. Kneeling, he rubbed the neck of the deer, pressing his lips in a fine line. Nodding in approval, he looked back to Ellie.

"Looks like you've improved."

"You're surprised."

"No. Just pointin' it out."

Joel stood alongside Ellie, striding back over to their perch where his gear laid. His heavier jacket, which he had discarded in the shared body warmth after an hour or so, along with the spare ammunition they'd laid out just in case they needed it. You could never be too careful. Pulling his backpack from their little hideout, he sifted through the contents real quick. A couple of nail bombs (courtesy of Bill), a few unused cartridges, a flashlight, and granola bars. The necessities. Nodding once again to himself, he moved to place the spares inside the pack, before throwing his jacket back on and the pack back over his shoulders quickly after.

Ellie had slung her own rifle over her shoulder, walking over to her guardian as she waited for him. Looking up into the sky, somewhat bored already to her surprise, she took note of the morning light that had begun to make its appearance. The clouds had turned a dark tint of blue, still producing a steady snowfall. The forest around them had begun to wake, the wild life beginning to reveal themselves despite the recent gunshot.

Joel, still on his knee, was giving the area one last scan in case they'd missed something, before coming to his feet and looking over to Ellie, a slight grin on his face. It was contagious.

"You actually seem to be pretty joyous this morning, Joel."

"Oh, you noticed."

She nodded, her own grin beginning to widen.

"What exactly did you and your 'company' do, last night?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, before simply shrugging and moving over to the deer, taking hold of one of its antlers. He tried to tug, but found the body to be a tad bit heavy for his own good.

"C'mon, Joel. I'm gonna need a better answer than that."

"Nothin'. Just talked. You mind helpin' me with this?"

He took another tug of the carcass, but found it to be again a bit much for the likes of him. He was getting old.

"No, no, no, no. There's no way you two just 'talked'," she did air quotes with her fingers, "if she was downstairs this morning."

"Who says she was over our place this morning?"

She chuckled.

"I kinda peaked in last night."

Joel's eyes began to bug a bit out of his sockets.

"You're fucking with me?"

"No, Joel. I'm not. I wish I was."

"Why did you go and do that."

"You weren't there last night. I was kind of curious."

A sudden wave of guilt washed over him, as he almost double taked at his carelessness. He'd already slapped himself over it, but it still hung over him with resilience. Joel's smile had disappeared, and he had a hand on his head which slide down to pinch his eyes.

_What the fuck was I thinking._

"Baby girl, I'm sorry. I let myself get carried away, last night."

Ellie, however, was still giggling.

"Joel, relax. I'm not a little girl. I can handle myself. Plus, you needed a little 'release'", she did her air quotes again, "after all that stress. Right?"

Joel sighed, shaking his head yet smiling again all the same.

"I guess that's one way of puttin' it."

She laughed, before nudging him on the shoulder.

"Oh, you dog, you."

He messed her hair up with his hand before gesturing back towards the body.

"Now, do you want to help me, or not?"

Ellie followed suit, taking hold of the other antler as the duo began to pull the corpse along. The extra help was like the piano back in the hotel, just enough to get the damn thing moving. They really didn't have to haul it far, just to the horses they had strung up a few meters away. Still, it was a bit of an exercise. Joel had suggested field dressing the carcass, but Ellie wasn't too keen on that, and with good reason. So, they'd decided to drag it back to the settlement, where they'd hand it off to one of the butchers in exchange for a portion of the meat. It was worth the avoidance of another possible panic attack.

When they finally found their pair of horses, right where they'd left them, Joel got back to work. Taking a coil of rope from the saddle's pack, along with a crude sled of some sort that they'd carried with them and left with their rides, he began to tie efficient knots around the antlers. Ellie watched as he did so, looping it here and there and giving the result a good tug every so often. Her eyes would occasionally drift to the eyes of the deer, clouded over and lifeless, as they stared out into the storm. She felt a slight sensation of guilt, much to her surprise, for the animal that they'd killed. It was funny, as it was the same she'd felt that one afternoon.

She quickly changed her train of thought as the inevitable memories attempted to crawl back into her head. Rubbing her forehead, almost as if to rub them away like fog on a window, she sighed deeply and meaningfully as she looked off into the whiteout along with the animal's dead stare. Joel had taken notice of this, as he followed her gaze to figure out what had gained her attention. He immediately came to the conclusion of what it was, and began to speak.

"You know, I used to do this all the time. Before the outbreak, I mean."

Ellie looked back at Joel, somewhat intrigued.

"Hunting."

"Mmm hmm. Every Thanksgiving with Tommy and a few of his friends. We'd hop into one of our trucks and set out for the woods around 4:30 or 5 that morning. Each of us would haul a rifle on our backs, and we always had this little game going."

"Game?"

"Whoever killed the deer that day, or killed the biggest, got all the money in everyone's pocket."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"So, gambling then?"

"Something like that. Most of the time, we never got anything. One of Tommy's clumsy friends would pull something stupid and scare the game off miles around. That, or we just weren't lucky that year."

"Did you ever win?"

"Once. Got about a total of fifty bucks."

"Out of everyone there?"

"We never carried around a lot. Probably about five or ten dollars at a time. The point was to have a little fun and possibly make a quick buck off of it, not bankrupt the crowd."

"What happened? Did you kill the biggest one?"

Joel shook his head.

"No. The only one we'd found that day. It was funny, that clumsy friend I was talking about, actually ended up getting stuck in the mud."

"No kidding."

Another shake of the head.

"It's true. This was after I'd claimed the kill. We were actually headed back, when this idiot goes scampering off after something. Maybe in an attempt to beat me, who knows. Well, he ends up about knee deep in the mud," he demonstrated by placing his hand against his knee palm up, "and begins to squeal 'I can't freakin' move.'"

Ellie was chuckling again.

"Did you save him?"

"We tried. A clicker got to him first."

She raised an eyebrow.

"For real."

Joel cackled a bit.

"Yeah, about two hours and a phone call later, we were able to get his dumbass out. Lost his pants, though, and his boots, so imagine this motherfucker walking around without anything waist down save his underwear."

Ellie was laughing now.

"Nobody saw him except you guys, right?"

"Bastard was lucky... well, on that front, anyway. Tommy would never let it go though. He would constantly hound him on it, and would rise a laugh out of all of us every time."

They both laughed a bit, the tone in the air light-hearted as Joel finished his task up, placing the body on the sled and tying it tightly to the metal surface to make sure it didn't wind up rolling off. That would've been a waist.

"So, is this guy still around, or what?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You're friend, the clumsy guy. Is he still around?"

Joel pursed his lips, looking out as his thoughts evidently grew distant. He sighed to himself, before shrugging.

"I don't know. Never heard from him after the outbreak. When things went to shit, we lost contact with many friends and family on day one. Hell, I even thought for a period of time that I'd never see Tommy again."

"Because he joined the Fireflies?"

Dread for some reason filled his body. Joel didn't hesitate on his nod, but quickly changed the subject. He intended on revisiting this in a bit, just not right at the moment.

"It's funny," he trailed, "when the two of us would return from our annual hunt, meat under our arms, Sarah would give me a fit."

"A fit?"

"Yeah, she'd go on about how it was wrong. Always asking what did it do to us to deserve such a fate. About how we were stealing it from its family. Every year she made me feel guilty about the whole damn thing."

"Was she a vegetarian?"

"Oh, no. She'd chow down on the steak as soon as it came off the grill. I guess it was just the heat of the moment that got her all riled up."

Ellie was chuckling again.

"She sounds really nice."

"Yeah..."

Joel sighed, looking down the path that their footprints still stitched a pattern in.

"Yeah, she was. I wished you could've met her."

"Same."

A silence fell over the duo, as Joel finished up. It was a comfortable silence, yet Joel felt a pang of regret in his gut. It burned, almost, as he constantly sighed to rectify the issue. It was a failing task. Joel was the first to hop up on his horse, and Ellie followed quickly behind him. He'd tied the deer to both of their horses, so that they could share the load. It connected to the sled, where the animal had been properly restrained. A blanket had been draped over it, yet the imprint of the body was still visible.

The snowfall was still steady, as they trotted down the path in the direction of Jackson's gates. Neither spoke a word for the time being, and neither really had to. There was a slight tension that was beginning to build, mostly on Joel's end, but Ellie had begun to share the wrench in her gut for obvious reasons. This was the first time in a while that the two had been officially alone. It had become a regular thing about a year ago, the two of them against whatever the violent world they lived in threw their way. Normally, at least as the journey had reached it's peak, conversation was pretty easy to spark up when Ellie wasn't haunted by memories.

Now, however, there was something different in the atmosphere. Regret was a major feature, among speculation, deceit. Ellie inhaled briskly, deciding to break the silence.

"You know, back in Boston, I never really got a chance to witness a good snow like this... well, at this magnitude."

"What do you mean?"

"I was always inside. The preparatory schools never really gave us free reign to do what we wanted, and obviously playing or experiencing the snow was on that list."

Joel nodded, listening intently.

"Me and my friend, Riley, would always try to make the best of it, though."

"How so?"

"Just, I guess, by imagining what it would be like. The snow angels, the snowmen, the runny noses after sitting in the cold for a long period of time."

"Hey. Imagination can go a long way."

"It did, for us. At least, for a brief period of time."

Joel raised an eyebrow. Where was she going with this.

"She'd left to join the Fireflies pretty much out of the blue," she continued, "up and left me without much of a goodbye. Actually, we'd had a bit of a falling out beforehand. Not the best way to do a send off."

Joel pressed his lips together, nodding. He knew exactly what she meant.

_I never want to see your goddamned face again, you hear me Joel._

"Well, as you can imagine, I was pretty upset about that. It stuck with me for a while, slowing my progress with the military drills, with the grades, and so on. The teachers and such were at my throat for the entirety of the time she was gone. Then, one night..."

She sighed, obviously pained by the memory she was sharing. Joel leaned over to her, nudging her on the shoulder.

"You don't have to tell me this. You know that, right?"

"I know, it's just..."

"If this is too personal..."

"I feel like I should get it off my chest, you know?"

Joel sat back in his saddle, running a hand through his snow-pecked hair, and gave her more attention than the path that decended in curves before him.

"One night, she came back. Snuck in through a window, probably, and was lucky enough to get in when there weren't any soldiers around. Who knows what would've happened if they had caught us."

"I assume she was a Firefly?"

She nodded. Joel had taken notice to something in her hand, something she was fiddling with. It was her pendant, the one that he'd seen by her side when she'd collapsed the previous evening. The name _Riley Abel_ inscribed in the metal.

"I was mad at her, but I followed her. She wanted to take me to one of those abandoned malls, in the section of the QZ that was off limits."

Joel nodded.

"I didn't know what she had in mind. Her argument that got me off my ass was 'since when have we gotten into trouble?'"

She gave a slight imitation in her voice.

"So, we went into the mall, and ended up having a good time there. It was like all the stress from the weeks prior didn't exist anymore. She led me to this carousel, which was just unbelievable to look at. Gave me that puns book."

Joel snickered.

"She had actually recovered these two water guns that had been confiscated from us beforehand. Almost had gotten shot over it. Beat her at a round of that."

She was chuckling to herself.

"We played this music, I Got You Babe by Etta Jones... my God, I can still remember..."

She trailed a little bit, but picked back up quickly.

"We had it on this loudspeaker we found in an electronics store, and she dragged me up there with her to dance..."

Joel looked over to her, as her features had dropped a drastic amount. When she'd mentioned the music, he could already tell where this was going.

"That's when the Infected came. We had no idea that they were there, how could we? With everything else that was happening? There was no way we could've known, right Joel?"

Instantly, despite what he truly thought, he shook his head no.

"Of course not."

She sighed again, and seemed to grasp the pendant a little tighter.

"The horde chased us through the mall, nearly getting us multiple times. We were lucky, but only for a short time. God, Joel, we were almost out! We literally were climbing out the window."

Joel's own gaze had drifted downward, as the steady pace of the horses slowed still. His own expression was pained.

"Something happened then. I can't even really remember, I just blacked out. Next thing I knew..."

Her voice broke, as she stifled a sob. Joel looked over to her, leaning again to place a hand on her shoulder.

"...we were both bitten."

Joel hit himself over the head with a hypothetical sledgehammer. How could he of been so ignorant and arrogant at the same time.

_You have no idea what loss is._

"She and I decided to wait it out," Ellie continued, "to be all poetic and just lose our minds together. Well, I watched her lose her mind, Joel. I had to watch her turn right in front of me, while I didn't even feel the fever."

He was looking to the ground again.

"I had to shoot my best friend, Joel. I- I had..."

She inhaled a shaky breath, trying real hard to keep it together. Joel worked his arm around both her shoulders, letting her lean against him. It may of looked odd to any onlookers, as Ellie clung to him over the distance of two trotting horses, but neither of them gave a damn. Her body shook against his, as Joel decided to bring the horses to a stop.

Hopping down, he embraced the little girl tightly as she began to sob into his shirt. It was inevitable, given the day it was. However, like last year, it plagued him to watch. It burned inside that he couldn't shed a tear on the same damn day.

Why the fuck did it have to be on the same damn day?

"Baby girl, I'm so sorry."

Her rounds of sobbing went on for a few moments, as the two of them stood in between their horses without another movement, the snowfall coating their shoulders. Her little frame still shook as he attempted to keep her calm. The last thing they both needed was for another attack right out here in the open. Her hands clutched his shirt, as she breathed in heavily, wanting to regain composure. It only sparked another round of sobbing.

It had definitely done a toll on her to relive the story of the infamous bite that she wore. Each of them had something in their past that left an unhealable scar, one that each of them relentlessly hoped the other would, in fact, heal. Joel ran his fingers through her hair, wanting to keep his own composure as well. It was tough, but he had to do it for her. It wouldn't help matters any if he lost control as well. What good would that do?

Her crying slowed finally, as she vented her hardships into his plaid. When it was over, she turned her head, regaining her lost breath and wiping the tears that streamed down her freckled cheeks. Joel looked down to her, hoping to help her along. The poor thing was almost broken, and what he had to say to her would only increase her descent down to that stat. He began to open his mouth, feeling that now was actually the time to do so. They were both worn down, so there would probably be an argument. There would probably be some shouting, but it was necessary.

However, before he could even say a word, Ellie did it for him.

"Joel..."

"Yeah, Ellie."

"Why did you lie to me?"


End file.
